Karma and I, we’ve got a past, present, and future.

Today begins another fucking terrible day. Of course, I try to keep negativity away from my blog, but this is a step too far, and I am suffering more than I thought I could at this particular time in my life. It feels like everything is being torn away from me; volleyball season, dance season, competetive dance season, Dorian festival, WSMA Auditions (Yeah, I didn’t get to go to those), and now, of course, I have to sustain a really painful, really unfair injury. If I heal, I’ll probably be laughing about this in a year or so, but for now, this is a tragedy, and I expect all of those who actually care about me to treat it as such, capiche?

I woke up late today. I wasn’t aware that I woke up late today. Why? Because the clock that happens to have the right time to let me know when I have to be leaving in the morning just so happens to be the one my father has begun to turn off in order to save energy. I followed my usual schedule until I checked my phone and realized that I should have been halfway down my driveway by that point. My first thought?

SHITFUCKPISSWHORETITSSHITSHITSHITGOTTAGORIGHTNOW.

I slipped my shoes on and ran out the door without a second thought (and without my locker keys…that’s a double whammy). So here I am, in February, running down my icy driveway at full tilt trying to make sure I’m at the bus stop by intended time. Haha, yeah, like that’s gonna happen! My foot hits a particularly icy spot, my survival instinct causes my spine to curve forward to protect my head, and then…

My spine takes the full brunt of the blow, knocking me flat. I roll onto my knees, howling like a forlorn coyote (or like a really vocal chihuahua giving birth), and desperately try to stand up. Yeahh, not working too well, but finally, I manage to climb to my feet and half walk/half gimp my way to the bus.

Now, for those of you who have ever actually sustained a back injury…well, the fact is that if you hit hard enough, even lifting your fingers to type on a keyboard creates enough friction through your body to cause there to be a sharp pain through your spinal column. Now take that pain…and relate it to a bus ride on badly paved back roads for a duration of half an hour, and you have the picture of my morning.

Next is actually getting off the bus, at which point sitting completely straight without moving to reduce the pain is kind of a plague when you realize your back is just that perfect cross between still feeling the full brunt of the injury and beginning to feel the tight, rigor mortis-y, stiff feeling of all the muscles in your back contracting to try to placate the injury.

This is about the point where you actually begin to assign blame to your injury. I mean, you’re walking into your school with painful fire shooting through all of your limbs; you have to blame someone.

Which brings me to my almost-hopefully-comedical list of five things I blamed for my bad morning.

1. My dad. Yeah, I know, he was gone by the time I left the house, but he’s still the one who unplugged the proper clock.

2. Money.

“Wait, what?”

Yes, I blame money. You know why? Because if we had almost any other system, my family wouldn’t need to think about cutting back in EVERY single way in order to keep food on the table.

3. My shoes. They have no grippiness. They’re gripless. If I had worn my Etnies instead of my Converse…none of this would have happened. Remember, ladies, no matter how cute, shoes will always hurt you in some way. They’re like the devil’s advocate.

4. My driveway. Imagine a gravel driveway that curves up a hill at a 45 degree slope. Now imagine that same driveway coated with ice. Now imagine running down that driveway to catch a bus. Outcome = not good.

5. Karma. Karma and I used to be buddies. We used to frolick through the fields of good luck and pretend the clouds were trampolines of fortune. That was back when I was like, 7, but who cares? Now, I find out that Karma has been really angry lately, and instead of just telling me it’s problems, it takes it’s anger out on me.

I imagine Karma to be a she-devil who has love for all things evil and wishes the imminent destruction of all things beautiful in this world (a.k.a me). It’s been a bad week. Hell, it’s been a bad month. Who else am I gonna blame…Mother Nature?

Ahaha, that’s funny…actually, no, I blame her too.

Okay, kiddies, that’s all for now.

 

A million reasons why…except it’s only five…or six…Just read the damn post, okay?

These past few days have been filled with Tragedy. One of my best friends was in a car accident that put him in critical condition, and the other driver died. Here’s a link to what happened.

http://www.wqow.com/story/16548038/accident-kills-one-in-barron-county

Now, if you read the comments, you can tell that most people who commented knew one or both of the people involved in the car accident (including me). What really surprised me was the malicious nature of one of the commenters.

To Tiffany, Richard was 83, he lived a long life, but he did not deserve to die this way. The reason he was able to live this long is because he was respectful of the driving laws, unlike the YOUTH of today. I can only hope that Matt is put into a position where he can never drive again due to his injuries! This is just another example of a careless youth behind the wheel. He should be charged with vehicluar homicide!

This was posted by one ‘Ted Brown’, and the sheer hatred that you can feel is disturbing. The worst part to me is when he wishes that Matt can never drive again. I mean, who even says that? My friend Matt will live with this for the rest of his life, and he doesn’t need other people telling him he deserves to be crippled.

Okay, well, moving on, because this is all just too depressing…

 

Our topic of the day is…

 

FIVE THINGS THAT MAKE ME QUESTION: WHY?

 

1. Why toe socks? I mean, I understand the idea. It’s like when you’re wearing mittens and you wish that you could wear gloves instead (Yeah, I’m a glove person myself). But the thing is…when I wear toe socks, and then my toes rub against each other, they get sad. You may say:

‘Toes can’t get sad, Telea, that’s RIDICULOUS!’

But the truth is…my toes like companionship, and putting cloth in between them is like sticking a big middle finger (or toe) right in their faces.

 

2. Why Religious Battles? It’s called respecting yourself, your god, and each other’s gods. It’s not about taking up a ‘Holier-than-thou perspective. That is why I choose to stay out of the religious scene. Since I don’t personally have an opinion on ‘which Jesus is the best Jesus’, joining any religious community at this point in my life would be like giving myself (and everyone with a religious affiliation) the middle finger.

 

3. Why the fear of rodents? Yeah, of course, rats and the plague, mice and stealing food. But think about it for a second: The plague came from a certain part of the world where it was totally okay to just shit on the streets. You think the plague ISN’T gonna come of that filth? To me, most rodents are cute and sometimes cuddly, as long as they get their Rabies vaccinations. This is a big middle finger to my mother, who will not let me possess a Dagus. xD

 

4. Why Homework? This is a classic question asked by the masses. I hate homework. I hate teachers who hand out buttloads of homework, and I hate the fact that after a long day of sitting in a classroom, teachers give us the middle finger by sending us home to spend our evenings sitting on our asses struggling over things we may never need to know.

 

5. WHY THE MIDDLE FINGER? What’s so fucking special about it that people said: Ohh, heyyy, let’s just go around insulting people with this finger, and we’ll call it a variety of names including ‘flicking someone off’, ‘flipping the bird’ etc.! This makes no sense to me, so, honestly, you guys need to KNOCK IT OFF!

 

I believe that conclude the blog for today.

 

Love ya!

All because of one stupid mistake!

Today I will be linking my stupid vlog that I posted a couple of days ago on this blog. Why?

Because I just got a letter from the School Board, which I will also take the time to type out, just for your pleasure, okay? It’s not very pleasurable at all and it’s also very hard to understand, but here’s the video, and after will be the letter.

Now I fucked up! Repainting the Locker.

Soo, right up there, that’s the link, okay? Now I shall copy down this letter I recieved, mmmkay?

Dear Telea,

I am writing you this letter in regard to your participation in a behavior unbecoming of a “participant”, destruction of school property and dishonesty. Due to the severity of this incident, it will result in a first offense activity referral. This is in violation of the School Board Policy, JFC, Activities Code, Grades 6-12. In Article IV- Eligibility Rules Section I, states: The student is to uphold the ideals, principles, and standards of the WIAA and the school. (WIAA Handbook, Health and Behavior, Article VII, and the School District of Prairie Farm policy. Any athlete/participant who commits a legally punishable criminal act shall be suspended from athlete. Acts/behaviors such as these would be considered “behavior unbecoming of and athlete/participant.” Examples include: acts of vandalism; flagrant violation of game rules; theft; destruction of school property; serious and/or continued violation of school regulations; and serious and/or continued disrespect of teachers, officials, students, or other school or community persons. (Board Policy JFA- Code of Conduct, Student Handbook, Nondiscrimination Policy, Sexual Harrassment Policy, Hazing Policy, Dangerous Weapons Policy, Suspension/Expulsion Policy, Alcohol and/or other Drug Use by Students Policy, etc.)

E)          First Violation

Group A

1. A first violation results in a suspension from athletic competition for a period of 20% of the contests based on the regular season of the sport. Any remaining percentage of that suspension not served shall be recalculated and applied to the next sport in which that athlete participates in and completes.
2. If the suspension carries over into the WIAA Tournament series, the athlete will miss the entire series. This clause pertains to team tournament as well as the individual tournament series. Any remaining percentage of that violation will carry over to the next season of participation.
3. Any student serving a penalty during a sport must remain in that sport in order for the penalty to be valid. If a student quits the sport, any remaining percentage of that violation will carry over to the next season of participation.

Group B

1. A first violation results in a suspension from ALL activities for a period of FIFTEEN (15) SCHOOL DAYS. Suspension will include all practices, competitions/performances, meetings and travel with the group for the specific number of days. If a student refers him/herself before being reported, the suspension will be 10 school days. (Suspension ends on 1/10/12)

If you disagree with this ruling you have the right to appeal to the School Board of the District of Prairie Farm. The written appeal must be received by the school Administrator within 2 school/week days of this ruling. In this case it must be recieved by December 19th, 2011.

If questions should arise you may call me or the Administration at ***-****

 

Soo, that’s that, I suppose. I was told that if I wrote an essay titled ‘Do the Right Thing’, then suspension would be reconsidered, but apparently the principle found my article less that appealing, as I have received this notice. I’m really sad now because of a few little things.

1. Well, my parents will prolly ground me really hardcore.

2. I spent around an hour writing that goddamn essay.

3. I don’t know what this will mean for my grades.

Yeah, so that’s basically it, and I don’t know that I have anything else to talk about today, but I will think of something entertaining to end this blog post on.

Good notes, right?

I have 184 video views total on Youtube. Please pretty please help me get to 200 by Sunday? That would be really cool, and it’s really not that much work. Of course, overall I would like about ten hundred million views, but let’s start with just getting 16 more views, okay?

I HAVE MY TWITTER LINK!

…

But it won’t let me post it right now. Sad days.

I guess it’s time to finish up, eh? I mean, I didn’t really write much myself, but I have some other work to do, and I promise you new videos either tonight or tomorrow, and a new blog…tomorrow. I think. Maybe not. It will be short if I do, because it will be posted from my phone.

Okay, should we actually follow tradition today and end with a quote? YESSIR WE SHALL!

“People keep coming up to me and asking, ‘How does it feel to be banned for life?’ Banned for life. I wasn’t banned for life. There was never a word of suspension, probation or ban in that agreement. It was never meant to be part of it.”

– George Steinbrenner

I’M SO EXCITED AND I JUST CAN’T FIGHT IT! Just kidding, I’m really sad.

For real, again my plan is to bog you down with my problems because that is the price of me entertaining you all the time. Except, the fact is that I haven’t been blogging at all recently and THAT is one of the things that is making me feel just very sad. Just kidding, that doesn’t actually depress me that much at all. I mean, this blog is for me, and if you like reading it, that’s whatever.

Sooo, reasons why I am sad? I got sick, again. I mean, I’m at school now, but for the last two days I’ve been stuck on my couch tasting all of my meals twice, if you know what I mean.

I mean barfing. Tossing my cookies, losing my lunch, upchucking, spewing chunks, ejecting the contents of my stomach…

Abdominable voorheaves
After dinner mints
Air the diced carrots
Barf
Bark at ants
Beer belch
Be the mother bird
Big spit
Blow acid, beets, breakfast, chow, chunks, din-din, doughnuts,
foam, groceries, lunch
Boot (camp)
Bow down before the porcelain god
Brack
Bring it up for a vote
Brown nose it
Buick
Bush breakfast
Bushit
Buy my Buick
Call Buicks, dinosaurs, for huey, to the seals, uncle Ralph
Casting your bread upon the waters
Chewing backwards
Choom
Chuck
Chuck a pizza
Chunder
Chunderchunk
Chunderspew
Clean house
Commode hugging
Decorate pavement
Deliver street pavement
Discourage
Divulge dinner
Drain the main
Dribble phlegm
Driving the porcelain bus
Driving a porcelain tractor
Earl
Eject
Exspew
Feedback
Feed the fish, the houseplants, your young
Fertilize the sidewalk
Filling the bilge
Gack
Gag
Give an oral sacrifice at the alter of the porcelain god, goddess
Go to Europe with Ralph and Earl in a Buick
Gurp
Gut painting
Hack
Harf
Having a rerun of your lunch
Heave (your guts out)
Honk
Hork
“HRRaugkkk, hurk, BLAAAGHKUHG!”
Huey
Hug the porcelain wishing well
Hurl
Induce antiperistalsis
Inverse gut
Involuntary personal protein spill
Jump shot
Kneel before the porcelain god, goddess
Kneel at the porcelain altar
Lateral cookie toss
Laugh at the carpet, at the ground
Laughing at the Lino?
Launching lunch
Launching the shuttle
Leave lunch
Liberation
Liquid laugh
Liquid scream
Look for O’Rourke
Lose florescent Christmas cheer, some chopped carrots, weight,
your lunch
Losing it (big time)
Lunch
Make a (technicolour) tribute to Disney, an offering to the
porcelain god, food offerings to the china gods
Making pizza
Meet my friends Ralph and Earl
Negative chug
Out the in door
Paint the town green
Parbreake
Plant beets
Play at the porcelain altar
Play with the edible yo-yo
Polishing your shoes
Power barf, boot
Play at the porcelain altar
Pray to the porcelain god, goddess
Praying to the white goddess
Projectile vomiting
Projectiling
Protein spill
Psychedelic spit
Puke
Purge the system
Quick review of breakfast/lunch/dinner
Ralph
Read the toilet
Redecorate
Regurgitating, regurgitate
Reverse diarrhea, drink, eating, gears, gut, peristalsis
Revisiting dinner
Ride the porcelain bus
Ride the regurgitation
Round trip lunch ticket, meal ticket
Rufus
Scream cookies
Screaming mimi
Seconds
Sell a buick
Shout at your shoes
Singing the lovely beer ballad
Spew
Spew chips, chunks, snacks, spuds
Spill the groceries
Spunge
Talking on the porcelain telephone
Talk to God on the big white telephone, huey down the big white
telephone, John on the porcelain telephone, Ralph on the big
white telephone, Ralph on the camode-a-phone
Talk to the carpet, the whales
Taste dinner
Technicolour yawn, yodel
The Brooklyn mating call
The Jersey yodel
Throw dinner, the stomach soup, up, your voice, your groceries
Thunder-chunder rainbow parfait
To do a bush (originally translated from Japanese)
Tossing your cookies, tacos
Uncle Fester
Un-eat
Un-recoverable application error
Upchuck
Urp
Vector-spew
Voiding
Vomiting
Waxing the floor
Whistling beef, carrots
Wolf
Woof
WORF!!!
Worship at the porcelain altar, the porcelain god
Wretch
Yabble
Yakk
Yeech
Yell at the ground, for Hughie
Yell at the porcelain god,for the porcelain god
Yench
Yesterday’s lunch
Yodel
York
Yuke

Iiiii, think you get the point. Let’s move on, or this keyboard will be awash with deck stew.

Soo, today I came to school still feeling preeeettttyyy under the weather, just tired and dizzy and you know, just how you feel right during the recovery period from the flu. THEN people just are trampling all over me today, and I do understand that I’m being shy, quiet Telea (A very VERY little-known alternate persona), but it makes me realize just how much people disrespect me, because when I’m just being small and chill and trying to say something that seems important, even in a totally hushed room, NO ONE listens.

I do realize that I have made a huge impact on a lot of people, I mean, come on, I still have my ego, it’s just sitting a little farther back in my mind today. But the thing is, those people WOULD NOT have noticed me had it not been for the fact that I had projected over everyone else to speak my opinion.

SOOOO, realizing that my Brother now reads this, Devi, dearest, just don’t take this too horribly when I’m saying all of this, because, of course, I am an over-over-dramatic teenager with a few sad things going on. I just wanna rant and rave and hopefully give everyone a few new terms to use when they’re about to freestyle their food. If you know what I mean.

I mean puke.

Okay, we’re so not gonna do THAT whole list again.

So today I’ve just been sitting around, half paying attention, half holding back tears, and it was all made worse when one of my teachers had some free time to work with me (I know this because they were just sitting playing a game on their laptop) and they didn’t make time to help me out with my make-up work.

This blog is getting long, so I will continue my day trying to smile, taking it easy, and hoping everything gets better. Which it will, because the grass is always greener after the rain.

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer

Those days when you look HELLA sexy

We all have some really shitty days. Usually, when one has a shitty day, it turns into a shitty week, then a shitty fortnight. It’s SUPER shitty! There is a bright side to all of this. Karma has to balance somehow, right?

This balance comes when one morning, you wake up, get ready like normal, and for some reason just look SUPER hot!! That has happened to me today, and the main problem with this is the fact that, other than finishing out my school day, I have NO WHERE to go today. No one sexy to see, no hot guys to hit on this fine piece of face.

Damn.

On the bright side, I’m totally gonna look hot tomorrow. How can I tell? I ALWAYS look hot on dance competition days. I HAVE to. I’m the manager for my school’s dance team and it is my job to give pep talks to the girls, apply their make-up, cheer a lot, smile a lot, and field any questions posed by ridiculously attractive males that want mine and the dance teams’ number.

Except here’s the thing. I ‘mysteriously lose’ all of their numbers and OOPS! Just gotta give him mine.

This hasn’t happened. I have never seen one ridiculously attractive male at a dance competition, but I have hope.

I also have to look hella sexy because I GET TO SEE THIS REALLY HOT GUY TOMORROW AND HE’S MY FUTURE HUSBAND BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW IT YET!

Haha, I would tell you the story, but that would jinx it, so you get to hear allllll about it on either Sunday or Monday.

Sooo, on sexy days, I ALWAYS put on jeans, because for some reason, when my face looks good, I get the feeling that my ass should look good as well. I’m wearing Jeggings today, they have sexy pockets. Yuhmm.

I am super mad about something, and I want to discuss it, even though it’s a really deep subject and I really don’t want to bore you.

Frac Sand Mining.

Fuck it.

In our area, there are a lot of prospective mines, and it’s really frustrating because all of these companies are moving in and going:

“We wish to contaminate the air with Silica dust. We wish to tear up your beautiful land. We wish to absolutely destroy the water table, causing your delicious water that is full of delicious minerals to become polluted and gross. We wish to do this for our own personal gain, because we are greedy bastards.”

Ohkay, so that’s not what they’re saying out loud, but it’s totally what’s going on. I was really happy a couple of weeks ago, because the company called ProCore pulled out of mining over 160 acres of land within 15 miles of my house. If they had mined that land, a very good friend of mine and his family would have been forced to move out of the house they built less than 8 years ago after their old house burnt to the ground.

Now, my neighbor, who lives less than a mile from my house is said to be contracting with a Frac Sand Company. We can’t be sure, because there’s a nondiscretion policy and so we won’t find out about it until all the contracts are signed and the mine is being put into the ground.

If this mine goes in, we may be forced to leave our home of almost 15 years. I would bawl my eyes out.

If you don’t know what Frac Sand Mining is, I have links that I will provide.

Here is a description of the health risks posed by Frac Sand Mining.

“Airborne problems related to frac sand mining are numerous and severe. The potential for harmful, or even deadly, exposure is great, and may extend for many miles beyond the location where the mining operation takes place. According to the website of Friends of Mill and Piney Creeks (Arkansas), “Crystalline silica is a basic component of soil, sand, granite, and many other minerals. Silica laden material can break down into particles small enough to inhale when workers chip, cut, drill, or grind it. This is exactly what happens during frac sand mining.” This problem also extends to workers on a frac site where the sand is being used as a proppant when mixed with water and frac chemicals for injection into a well bore. In cases where the drilling site is adjacent to residential property this risks exposure of entire neighborhoods, especially those immediately downwind of the drilling site.

 According to a disclaimer from FlexFrac Proppant Sand Suppliers in Richardson, Texas, its products “contain respirable crystalline silica, which is considered by some sources to be a cause of cancer and can lead to death. Failure to adhere to our warnings, MSDS and handling instructions may lead to serious personal injury or death.” This fine particulate material can be carried by winds more than 20 miles from the site of the mining operation, and injuring or killing people far removed from the mining area.

Obviously, workers at a frac sand mining site are the most prone to hazardous exposure, but they are hardly the only ones at risk. Nearby residents, pets, livestock and wildlife also are at risk of harmful exposure. In addition to the risk to people from airborne contaminants carried by the wind, there is also the issue of exposure caused by transportation of frac sand by truck or rail hundreds of miles away from a mining operation. Unfortunately, few would ever have a clue from where their exposure came, or who was responsible for it.

Crystalline silica has been classified by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH), the EPA and CDC as a human lung carcinogen.

SHIT JUST GOT REAL ALL UP IN HERE!

I have for you today a very legitimate link to find out all about frac sanding.

http://wisair.wordpress.com/frac-sand-mining-in-wisconsin/

Okay, I’m out.

 

I shall ever be known as the chick with way too much swagg to be healthy. Wait, what?

I had Strep, as you guys prolly know if you pay any attention at all to my bloggeratingery.

Now I’m really sick again with a flu that does not allow me to eat, but does not cause me to puke.

I feel like a failed bulemic.

I’m cold all the time, my body aches, my throat hurts, I’m tired, and I have this weird symptom where I complain A LOT to strangers who read my blog.

The thing is, I’m absolutely positive I would feel at least 4% better if I had a cute boy to snuggle with.

This is where I go like those bloggers who ask for monetary donations or ask for people to send them books.

Send me an incredibly cute mail-order snuggle boy.

He has to be age-appropriate. I don’t want snuggles from 3-year olds and I don’t want snuggles from anyone 27 and up. Unless it’s Jared Leto, Channing Tatum, Jared Padelecki, Jenson Ackles, etc.

Then it’s perfectly fine and screw their wives!

Okay, so today we’re going to discuss bad grades.

Right now, I have them, because I was gone from school for a week with Strep, didn’t get all my late work in before thanksgiving break, and now am sick again.

Wow, some dqys my life really does suck, doesn’t it?

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SAY YES!

I’d like to apologize to B.E, because I was going to use your stuff in this blog post, but I can’t from my phone. Pooey. I still love you.

By the way, what is a topic you would like me to discuss, world?

I’m really truly smart enough to discuss a TON of things, and if I can’t I bullshit, and if that doesn’t work I use this cool thing people call

COPY AND PASTE!

♥

Soooo, back to grades. I’m a Junior. I need really good grades, because this is the year that really counts!

Also, I need to get into my college of choice. Just sayin’.

I have a ton of late social studies assignments due, and I’m really freaking out bad because it’s taking all my energy just to type this, much less write a fourteen page outline on the reasons why the U.S and Japan got involved in WWII!

This blog probably isn’t interesting anyone at all, and for that, I am incredibly sorry. It is just not my day to be witty or stupidly funny, and the thing is, I thought my last blog post was fucking hilarious and

You did not.

So, that is incredibly sad.

Let’s talk about my mum’s car.

It’s choking and dying.

This is where you go:

“Ohhh that’s so sadddd!”

Because, really, it is. See, what if it was a Transformer?

Even if it’s not, we can barely afford to put food on the table (thank you, state food stamps for helping us out with that), much less get a new car.

It’s a sad sad story, and I’m kind of hoping you at least did a sympathetic

“Awwww :-(.”

For our troubles.

I’m gonna wrap this up now, since I have nothing more to say to you right now.

“Dear future me,
I don’t care if you get fat.
But I do have dreams and aspirations, so don’t let me down.
♥
Telea.”

– a letter to the future me.

Guess who can’t sleep? Guess who doesn’t give a fuck? You wankers!

I’m a creature of the night. Lindsey is prolly sleeping, as for everyone else.

I may or may not be funny at night but I’m just gonna give this a shot here…mmmmmmmkay?

How fluent are you in Teleaspeak? You’re not, alright?

The thing is that I havs all these thoughts that seem so sensible in my head, and then I try and say them out loud and people are all like:

Seriously, Telea, what the fuck are you even talking bout?

Well I was discussing the politics of what a motherfucking dumbass you are, but uhm, lets move on, okay?

I always wanted to be a comedian. Pop out jokes wherever I go, class clown, goddamn, better than being the fucking pope, alright?

I always try to keep it real with people because that is always really important. That doesn’t really mix with comedy, because people know I keep it real, and so when I say something like:

Your mom has the biggest wizard sleeve ever.

People just go:

Wow. Telea, I can’t believe that you just said that to me about my mother.

Then I try to tell them that I’m joking and this is inevitably whqt they say:

Too far, Telea. That was just going wayyyyyy too far.

My friend on the left of me, who doesn’t possess standards about honesty, makes the same joke five minutes later, and this is what goes down.

“Ahahahaha, Cody, you are so freaking funny.”

And here I am going…

Seriously guys, what the fuck is wrong with you?

So basically I’m sitting up listening to Pandora radio, which is amazing. I happen to be on the comedy channel, so I’m hearing all these standup acta and going:

Fuck, if only I was funny.

Know who is really funny?

George fucking Carlin.

Just sayin.

Okay, I’mma cut this short before I really embarrass myself with my sad idea of comedy, mmmmmmkay?

“Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits.”

– George Carlin