Monthly Archives: October 2011

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I’M BLUE, DABADEE!


No, really, I am. I’m sitting in school wearing punk-ass clothes, rainblow tights, an awesome up-do, and just generally being absolutely legit today. My skin is blue, my heart is rainbow, along with my beaaaauuuutttttiifluffel hair.

REMEMBER TO SEND EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO

poisontheperfect@gmail.com

Yeahhh, budddy. Okay, costume contest, maybe? Send a picture of your absolutely legit costume to me! YUSSSS! It will be posted in the blog and be generally cool because your costume will be the mostest legit on this webpage…other than mine, which…you can’t beat.

So, this morning, I wake up late, miss the bus, and get a ride to school with me mum. As we’re headed down the driveway, we notice something sitting there. It’s a large wicker basket with four items and a note in it.

I will now list the items along with what the note said.

A small container labeled Gasoline

A box of strike-on-anything matches

A sealed bag of strawberry twizzlers.

A bottle of Sierra Nevada beer.

The note said…

“Dear Telea, I hope you blaze it up this Halloween. XOXO”

…..

What the holy jizzballs of fuck?

Pardon my language, buttt…jkdfhlurghsdhg;aoeiwgh;waiehlfwiefh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m so confused!

So, that’s my cool story for cool story Monday, but I have another one, too.

NIGHTSTORM WAS SO COOL AND THERE WERE SO MANY HOT GUYS AND THE COSTUMES WERE COOL AND THE GIRLS WERE REALLY SLUTTY AND LINDSEY WENT AS A SLUTTY COWGIRL JUST LIKE I WARNED ABOUT IN MY BLOG AND I WAS GLOWING BLUE AND NICHOLAS’S HAIR WAS GLOWING AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN AND I DANCED WITH JUST ABOUT THE CUTEST GUY EVER AND ALL THE EXCHANGE STUDENTS HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME AND NICHOLAS IS STANDING OVER ME GLARING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I’M TYPING THIS INSTEAD OF TELLING HIM WHAT WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING IN MATH!

IT WAS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST NIGHT EVER AND CHEYENNE AND I DANCED AND WE LOOKED SO HOT AND THAT GUY WAS SO YUMMY AND NO, I’M NOT KIDDING, NICHOLAS, WE TOTALLY DID LOOK HOT!!!!!!!! STOP READING OVER MY SHOULDER BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!

“If you punch me in the face I’ll probably have to do something worse to you.”

Ewww, was that an offer?

Ick.

‘TELEA, YO ALL NASTY, GIRL!”

I swear, he’s the whitest black guy I know.

Okay, okay, I’m done now.

But it was amazing, and I think that’s something that Nicholas can agree with.

AHHH, I JUST CANNOT GET OVER THIS!

OH OH OH, AND ZACHARY WAS THERE AND HE WENT AS HARRY POTTER AND IT WAS SO COOL, BUT SOME JACKASS SNAPPED HIS WAND AND THAT IS SO NOT LEGIT AND IF I EVER CATCH WHOEVER DID THIS, I WILL BUST THEIR SKIN-FLUTES UP SO HARD AND NOT IN THE GOOD ‘BUST-A-NUT’ WAY, JUST IN THE OMG I’M BLEEDING AND MY BALLS ARE GONE!!!!!!!!!! KINDA WAY.

Yeahh, okay, so, finishing that up, I think that’s a pretty legit story, and if you didn’t laugh/cry/feel super liberated to be as cool as me…there’s something wrong with you.

The embarrassing part of the story was that I entered the costume contest and I had to go up on stage and NOT ONE PERSON cheered for me, they just stared and maybe pointed and laughed just a little because I looked super dumb and everyone wanted to punch me.

Why do so many people want to punch me?

Okay, finishing up, we’re going to do another quote on Halloween, along with a legit picture.

Oh my, I love this so much.

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.”
 
– Doug Coupland 

Audio Post


If I had it my way, you know that I’d make you say:


OOOOHHHH, OOOOOHHHH, OOOOHHHHHHOHHH, OOOOOHHH, OOOOOH, OOOHHHHOOHH!

SHE WILL NEVER GET ENOUGH, ONCE SHE GETS A LITTLE TOUCH, IF I HAD IT MY WAY…

I would make love to you all.

If you like Pina Coladas! And getting caught in the rain…if you’re not into Yogaaaaa, if you have half a brain…

IF YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE AT MIDNIGHT!

Okay, so you can sense what day it is, right? You can smell it in the air, feel it on your skin, taste it on your tongue????

IT’S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIIIDAAYYY!

Since I don’t have a specific topic, and because it’s music Friday,  I’m gonna blather on about random stuff that will lead me into song. This actually happens a lot if you get to know me, like…for serious, I run down the hallways singing my theme song.

WHEN I WALK ON THE SPOT, THIS WHAT I SEE, E’ERBODY STOPS AND THEY’RE STARING AT ME, I GOT PASSION IN MY PANTS AND I AIN’T AFRAID TO SHOW IT, SHOW IT, SHOW IT. ..

I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!

Have you ever just gone crazy with dancing or singing. Like, legitly, you’ll be standing in a crowd of people and you just

 
Haha, es la pequino kitty-cat por la BAMF

Well, I do this all the time. Like, for reality, I’m not even lying to you. My favorite past-time is perfecting my walking and jumping pelvic thrusts. Because, you know, they’re legit, and Hemhem, I may just need them later in life…hem hem.

 
Sooo, I’m super excited, my hairs are colorful, and I shall put a picture of these colorful hairs on as soon as I post another blog. Did I end up posting a blog yesteryear? Yessss ma’am.
 
We also have to cover lame music so, I’m gonna go all cheezy on you.
 
I was talking to my friends about my future, and living in the now at a party, and everything amazing was just happening and I was just thinking to myself…
 
HEY NOW, HEY NOWWW, THIS IS WHAT DREEEAAAAAMMMS ARE MADE OF.
 
Except not, because I just lost all cred by knowing any Hilary Duff songs. Just kidding, she had a pretty voice, it’s just that her soul was a dirty whore.
 
For our new music today, we’re going to bring back an oldie, which doesn’t happen to be any good at all, but there are a few things that qualify it on the worth watching list.
 
1. She’s hot.
2. She’s British
3. She’s off-handedly talking about sex
4. She’s hot.
5. Sex.
6. Sex
7. She’s inside a flower.
8. She is a flower…okay, that’s going too far.
9. I like her name.
10. She’s hot.
11. Sex
12. Cliche, I know, but…did I mention Sex? Or sex? Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. Sex. Wait, did I just offhandedly say buttsex? Shit. Haha, it’s punny because shit comes out of…hem hem…butts.
 
 
Hahahahahahahahahaha, it’s funny because it’ll get stuck in your head and you’ll be singing:
 
HONEY TO THE BEE, THAT’S YOU AND ME!
 
Yes, those are legitly some of the lyrics. She like, kinda talks about sucking dicks, except she calls them fingers, but she’s like, I miss licking the sugar from your fingertips…and I’m like…
 
Uhhhmmmm, uhhhmmmmm, ten year olds listen to this music.
 
YOU WONDER WHY WE’RE ALL WHORES!
 
I mean, I’m not a whore…
 
Remember to send your everything to…
 
“What men desire is a virgin who is a whore.”
 
– Edward Dahlbert
 
 
 

“Why would I saw off my leg?”


We’re sitting in Modern History class, talking about the history of the last two class period, which probably isn’t exactly what our teacher meant when we said modern history. Who cares? This is way more important anyway, right?

Noo, mayybe not. Maybe this is all just lame BS that I’m posting on the web just because I can. Can the web ever get too full? Like, if I was to spen dmy entire life spamming the internet with large media files that were possibly corrupt…would I break it?

Speaking of breaking thing, we come to our topic of the day!

Kylie has injured himself, and he doesn’t not know what to do. For the sake of keeping this as complicated as possible, I’m going to keep changing his name, but continue to talk about him, mmkay? Marie happens to be the biggest whore that I know, the one who dares to call his perfectly nice girlfriend a stripper. Well, we’re moving on from that and giving Aislyn a second chance. Now, the story we have to tell today, is with moderation from the man of the moment himself, Miss Margaret. He’s sitting next to me getting very angry that I would dare to call him Lisa. He sustained this injury whilst playing in the Homecoming football game (we lost, which was a tragedy), and he was just chilling out, making plays against the bad guys when…

BOOM!

Outta nowhere comes a helmet, BOOM, straight to his knee. He now has a torn ACL, which make him have to wear this ridiculous brace that goes all the way up his leg, then he’s going to have to go in for surgery.

Now, this is no laughing matter, so we’re going to include some informational photography to help you understand how serious this all can be.

Okay, so, do you see those three long words that are just about pronounceable? That’s an ACL, and if you imagine it torn right in half, ,that’s what we’re talking about here today.

I honestly feel sorry for the guy. I mean, I’ve sustained my own injuries of late, but this is something that will pain him for months or years, and it just sucks really bad, and I’m legitly about to cry for poor Zeta, so we’re going to move on.

 
So, we’re just sitting there, and he’s talking about his leg hurts every day…
 
Soo I might have told him to cut it off.
 
He paused for a few moments and then very slowly replied:
 
“…Why would I saw off my leg?”
 
Well, I’m not saying you have to do it yourself, but just getting rid of it is the first step to relieving yourself of the misery. If it’s not there, how can it hurt, right???
 
“Uhh…no, Telea, that is skewed logic and you are really really dumb.”
 
…Thanks so much, voice in my head that constantly puts me down/ruins my life forever.
 
Anyway, I just feel really bad about this whole deal, annnnddd, in sympathy, he will be excused from the feminine names for the next…rest of this blog’s short lifetime. That is quiiiittte a sacrifice, don’t you agree? Maybe this blog will go on forever, but I’m guessing that once I hit summer…it’s done for. Forever. Maybe not, though. Inspire me to keep it going and I soooo will.
 
Cool picture of the day?
 
You do not even have any idea how much I wish my hair looked like that.

Which leads me to the last part of this blog post. Tomorrow I shall by dying my hair colors. I will post pictures tomorrow.

 
Remember to send anything and everything cool to…
 
 
K?
 
“DO NOT BRING POTASSIUM INTO THIS CONVERSATION!”
 
– Sabring Flettre

 

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