For real, again my plan is to bog you down with my problems because that is the price of me entertaining you all the time. Except, the fact is that I haven’t been blogging at all recently and THAT is one of the things that is making me feel just very sad. Just kidding, that doesn’t actually depress me that much at all. I mean, this blog is for me, and if you like reading it, that’s whatever.
Sooo, reasons why I am sad? I got sick, again. I mean, I’m at school now, but for the last two days I’ve been stuck on my couch tasting all of my meals twice, if you know what I mean.
I mean barfing. Tossing my cookies, losing my lunch, upchucking, spewing chunks, ejecting the contents of my stomach…
After dinner mints
Air the diced carrots
Bark at ants
Be the mother bird
Blow acid, beets, breakfast, chow, chunks, din-din, doughnuts,
foam, groceries, lunch
Bow down before the porcelain god
Bring it up for a vote
Brown nose it
Buy my Buick
Call Buicks, dinosaurs, for huey, to the seals, uncle Ralph
Casting your bread upon the waters
Chuck a pizza
Deliver street pavement
Drain the main
Driving the porcelain bus
Driving a porcelain tractor
Feed the fish, the houseplants, your young
Fertilize the sidewalk
Filling the bilge
Give an oral sacrifice at the alter of the porcelain god, goddess
Go to Europe with Ralph and Earl in a Buick
Having a rerun of your lunch
Heave (your guts out)
“HRRaugkkk, hurk, BLAAAGHKUHG!”
Hug the porcelain wishing well
Involuntary personal protein spill
Kneel before the porcelain god, goddess
Kneel at the porcelain altar
Lateral cookie toss
Laugh at the carpet, at the ground
Laughing at the Lino?
Launching the shuttle
Look for O’Rourke
Lose florescent Christmas cheer, some chopped carrots, weight,
Losing it (big time)
Make a (technicolour) tribute to Disney, an offering to the
porcelain god, food offerings to the china gods
Meet my friends Ralph and Earl
Out the in door
Paint the town green
Play at the porcelain altar
Play with the edible yo-yo
Polishing your shoes
Power barf, boot
Play at the porcelain altar
Pray to the porcelain god, goddess
Praying to the white goddess
Purge the system
Quick review of breakfast/lunch/dinner
Read the toilet
Reverse diarrhea, drink, eating, gears, gut, peristalsis
Ride the porcelain bus
Ride the regurgitation
Round trip lunch ticket, meal ticket
Sell a buick
Shout at your shoes
Singing the lovely beer ballad
Spew chips, chunks, snacks, spuds
Spill the groceries
Talking on the porcelain telephone
Talk to God on the big white telephone, huey down the big white
telephone, John on the porcelain telephone, Ralph on the big
white telephone, Ralph on the camode-a-phone
Talk to the carpet, the whales
Technicolour yawn, yodel
The Brooklyn mating call
The Jersey yodel
Throw dinner, the stomach soup, up, your voice, your groceries
Thunder-chunder rainbow parfait
To do a bush (originally translated from Japanese)
Tossing your cookies, tacos
Un-recoverable application error
Waxing the floor
Whistling beef, carrots
Worship at the porcelain altar, the porcelain god
Yell at the ground, for Hughie
Yell at the porcelain god,for the porcelain god
Iiiii, think you get the point. Let’s move on, or this keyboard will be awash with deck stew.
Soo, today I came to school still feeling preeeettttyyy under the weather, just tired and dizzy and you know, just how you feel right during the recovery period from the flu. THEN people just are trampling all over me today, and I do understand that I’m being shy, quiet Telea (A very VERY little-known alternate persona), but it makes me realize just how much people disrespect me, because when I’m just being small and chill and trying to say something that seems important, even in a totally hushed room, NO ONE listens.
I do realize that I have made a huge impact on a lot of people, I mean, come on, I still have my ego, it’s just sitting a little farther back in my mind today. But the thing is, those people WOULD NOT have noticed me had it not been for the fact that I had projected over everyone else to speak my opinion.
SOOOO, realizing that my Brother now reads this, Devi, dearest, just don’t take this too horribly when I’m saying all of this, because, of course, I am an over-over-dramatic teenager with a few sad things going on. I just wanna rant and rave and hopefully give everyone a few new terms to use when they’re about to freestyle their food. If you know what I mean.
I mean puke.
Okay, we’re so not gonna do THAT whole list again.
So today I’ve just been sitting around, half paying attention, half holding back tears, and it was all made worse when one of my teachers had some free time to work with me (I know this because they were just sitting playing a game on their laptop) and they didn’t make time to help me out with my make-up work.
This blog is getting long, so I will continue my day trying to smile, taking it easy, and hoping everything gets better. Which it will, because the grass is always greener after the rain.
“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer