Monthly Archives: September 2012

Perfection in 72 Hours and Calvin and Hobbes Bro References

Have you ever had one of those weekends that you really just can’t complain about at all? Honestly, everything just kinda falls into place right at the perfect time, and all that jazz? 

That’s kind of exactly what happened with my weekend, no lies.

Friday started off slow, getting the farm ready for people to come chill, making sure my tent was clean, all that jazz. People started showing up at around 6, and so we started a bonfire and began the chillfest. Now, I have to inform you that the mass number of people who showed up this weekend were actually my older brother’s college bros.

This happens to be a really really good thing. First of all, they’re fun to chill with, and it’s amusing to watch them get drunk. Secondly, Telea Dodge is such an awesome dudette that she has actually secured a place as an official bro. Yes, Telea has been crowned with the Bromanship award and is currently rejoicing.

Second of all, one of them happens to be my second favorite person in the entire world, and we’ve been bros since before anyone else let me be a bro. That’s kind of really legit. His name is Calvin, so we go ahead and say we’re Calvin and Hobbes, because fuck yes I’m an imaginary tiger.

So, there I was, chilling out with a ton of college dudes for three whole days, with a small mix of best friends and family members tucked in there, just laying back and enjoying life. There was Volleyball, sunshine, a bonfire, and several ridiculously awesome Broments, in case you were wondering.

On Saturday we did a mad set list and danced the night away to some live Dubstep. I know you’re jealous.

I don’t really have time to explain the rest, but a more descriptive post might go up in the future.

Love ya!


One Last Post Before the Storm…I Mean, Party.

Oi there, babes! I have decided that all of you beautiful people are married to me. I’m taking the phrase ‘married to the job’ a little bit farther. So, congratulations, everyone who reads my blog, you officially have a new spouse. 

Here’s the catch. It’s an internet marriage. It’s not official, we’re not buying a house together, and we’re not having kids. The exception to the house and kids rules are as follows.

1. Telea is willing to rent an apartment with one specific follower of her blog, and that person already knows who she is.

2. If the house is really just a blog, and the kids are our little combined effort blog babies, I support that to a level none of you even knew existed. It’s on a whole other level how much I support that. 

3. If you want to buy me a really nice house, I’m not going to object even one bit. Unless that house is A. a Modern Tech House, B. Positioned in a War zone, C. A Deathtrap, or D. Contains a rape dungeon.

4. Wait, having a rape dungeon might be kinda…morbidly cool. Scratch the Rape Dungeon bit. You just can’t USE the rape dungeon.

5. If you can absolutely guarantee that our children will be born as magical being that can shapeshift into fire-breathing dragons and lay eggs of gold, we can have children together. Be warned that if you guarantee this to me, and then the children end up, well, just kids…I will drown them/turn them into dumpster babies/put them up for adoption in Africa.

Not that I’m a bad person or anything, it’s just that…we’re not having kids.

Anyway, today I get a paycheck that totals around…four hundred dollars. A large percentage of this is going in the ‘do not touch, it’s for an apartment’ fund, while the rest is going in the ‘You fucking NEED a car, Telea’ fund.

I’ll work for a couple of hours today, and then I’ll shower up, suit up, and get my party on, just the way Odin intended, THANK ASGARD!

If I manage to get another post in this weekend, you can be damned sure that a miracle has happened, in which case I expect you to bow down to my greatness. But not really bow, just say you bowed.

Love ya!

Non-Band Managing and Parties for Amphibians.

I have a new job. One of those unpaid ones, where you take up a whole butt-ton of responsibilities, and then you don’t get appreciated at all, wink wink.

This is one of those jobs that I assumed I would have to take on at some point, but now I have made it official. I am the new manager for the non-band that I am a part of. What does Telea mean by non-band?

She means that she and two other people meet once a week and rehearse cover songs (just like a band might do), but they say they’re not a band. They will be a band just as soon as they have perfected three original singles, but they don’t want to move too fast for fear of being called the next generation of Dixie Chicks.

Not that the Dixie Chicks were bad or anything, just that we don’t want to be anything like them. So, my job is basically to mediate. There are quite a few mini-spats on who gets what songs, and who backs who up, agitated even more by the fact that only one of them is proficient enough at guitar to be consider the non-band’s ‘official guitarist’. Oh Joy.

My list of jobs goes as follows: mediate arguments, always compromise, get better at guitar, plan rehearsals, put together and email out the Set List, start looking for some funding, keep documents of songs we want to learn, write music, practice piano tabs, and make sure sessions are recorded and uploaded to Youtube in a timely fashion.

That’s all I can think of right now, but I’m sure that’s quite enough to keep me busy. I also have to make ‘non-band’ assignments, which is easy. Alexa is our Lead Guitarist, Back-Up Singer, Location, and Vocalist. Alice is our Vocalist, Back-Up Singer, Songwriter, and Minor Percussionist, and I am Manager, Vocalist, Songwriter, Backup Vocalist, Keyboardist, and Backup Guitarist. 

Okay, so we need more condensed names, so what? It’s a good start, isn’t it?

Also, the Toad party starts tomorrow. I’m excited to see everyone, but I doubt that the turnout will be awesome. Also, I’m boring you with little details of my life that don’t mean much whilst writing comedy in another forum today. Shame on me.

I have just been so busy working on everything. I’ve made two decent-looking banners for somewhere on the site, and now am working on head banners, which is what you guys will be voting on, and they are completely different because they have to meet size requirements, which is a total bummer. 

I just thought I would get you guys up to date on what I’m actually doing in life before I go off and possibly abandon you for the rest of the weekend while I make merry and cavort.

Love ya!

Uh Oh, Now You Know What I Look Like…

So, I decided to make this blog a little more personal, for those people that decided that browsing all the way back to posts in 2011 was too hard just to figure out what I look like. I mean, sure, I have that pretty little banner up on the home page, but everything is faded out, and now kinda outdated…so I figured I would have two pages flooded with my life.

Is that okay with you, brosiahs? So, if you look on my About Me page, I have added some of my very favorite photos of myself, and that’s pretty cool, right? But then, I got super conceited and said: Hey, why not just…make a page all about posting pictures of me? Oh, and some of my friends. But mostly me. Me, me, me, me me.

Or something along those lines. Anyway, I kinda feel like the blog has now become…homier. I’m not just some random chick who spews words anymore! I have a name and a face and I spew words! That’s, dare I say it, progress.

Remember all that mumbo-jumbo about me actually wanting you to know me in a non-creepy and generally non-sexual way? This is my way of reaching out to you…by becoming even more wrapped up in myself, apparently.

Anyway, we have some exciting news coming down the line. Ready for a list of five tidbits of super exciting information???

1. The banner is going to get changed and you guys get to vote on the new banner. Yehp, starting on Tuesday, there will be three new banners (designed by me) in my blog post. I will wait until Thursday morning, and the banner with the most votes will headline my page! Yay for giving my readers options, right?

2. The Blog’s 1-year anniversary is in October. What does this mean for you? Post-a-day! That’s right. I will, without fail, post every single day of October, and if I fail, the first person to point out how many days I missed at the end of the month will receive a one-of-a-kind handmade, autographed My Life In Heartbeats Tee-shirt, shipped right to their front door! (Of course, they will have to tell me what size Tee-shirt they wear…and their address…)

3. The 1-year Blogniversary also means I will be investing in turning this rag-tag WordPress site into my website. As in, I will be dishing out the money to change into This will happen sometime in October.

4. You have another chance to win a one-of-a-kind handmade, Autographed My Life In Heartbeats Tee! Oh, but it’s work, I tell you. If you comment on every blog post that I write during the month of October, you will get one.   This isn’t limited to just one winner, in fact, any number of people can win! Now, you can’t be writing no mumbo-jumbo, guys! Oh, and I know this is totally lame and no one is gonna want a teeshirt, but it’s fun anyway.

5. My non-band (we rehearse like we’re a cover band, but we’re not a band) has our official set list ready for this weekend. Which means: I will be posting performances of good music on Youtube within the next 3 weeks. Just sayin’. The cool thing about this is…if you like our music, we’ll cover a song for you (if we can). Yay, right?

Haha, this is just me trying to get out there and noticed in the big wide world, right?

My Preliminary hearing went really well today, and I’m scheduled for my actual court date in November. Wish me luck!

Now, I must sleep…or I might die somehow.

Love ya!

The Horrors of Bathroom Sharing

I live in a small house. A very small house. Originally built over one hundred years ago, this house was initially made to be a ‘One bedroom, one bathroom’ kind of situation. When we moved in nigh on 16 years ago, it became a ‘turn the dining room and pantry into bedrooms and have a communal bathroom’ kind of situation.

POW. The story of how I ended up spending 11 years in an 8×8 room off the kitchen with my little sister has been told. But that is not what we’re discussing right now.

What we’re discussing is growing up in a household with six people and having only one toilet and one shower. Well, that’s not true. We have three toilets. The bathroom toilet, the sketchy basement toilet, and the outhouse, which, at this time of year, would be like pressing your buttcheeks against a slab of ice. And trust me because I know from experience, that is close to the least pleasant thing to be experiencing at 7am.

Back to the one shower bit. We’re not just talking about one shower. We’re also talking about the one water heater that’s connected to that shower. And how said water heater can only handle one shower per two hours or else you’re in for another one of those not pleasant morning experiences: being doused with water that feels like it was pulled from right beneath a glacier.

We’re also talking about how three people needed a shower this morning, and I’m the unlucky one that’s going to be taking the polar plunge. Yes, my dears, life can be unfortunate and it is possible for skin to be this naturally blue. 

Okay, so I’m not in a good mood today. Today is my Preliminary Hearing for that whole Court thing I’m involved in, and I’m scared/nervous/upset/on edge. I also have nothing dressy but cute and subtle to wear. Not that my dressy clothes are whore clothes, just that I don’t have anything dressy, not to mention something dressy and specific.

I’m also starving. So hungry I could bite into the hindquarters of a roasted Hippo. And I really LIKE hippos. But not in an eating way. Unless I’m this hungry.

The obvious answer would be to eat, right? The problem being that breakfast foods are at a bare minimum based on people’s strange eating habits that involve sticking their dirty fingers into the communal food, licking said food off of their fingers, and then sticking their fingers back into the food.

If that disgusts you to the same point that I am disgusted, you need only look in a mirror to see my reaction every morning when I look at the peanut butter.

Anywhoozles, (Oops, sorry Lexi, is that copyright infringement? Wink wink.) I must get on with this day…oh joy.

Love ya!

Horrible Referees and Resulting Aggressive Football Anger

Did I mention that I love football? Like, aggressively? As in, if I had free time, I would have already started my own Fantasy Football League and done tailgate parties for every Packers game ever. I am what you called a borderline-obsessive football fanatic. I am toeing the line so hard that when I see a 300 dollar Donald Driver jersey, my first thought is: If I sold my body for money, just this once…

Yes, I did jump and cheer loudly when the Packers went 15-1 last year. Yes, I have paid a lump sum of cash to ride a bus for a total of four and a half hours just to sit in freezing cold seats while it was raining and see the Packers play a scrimmage game for family night.

Yes, I have a very bold and out there crush on AJ Hawk, Greg Jennings, Aaron Rodgers, the late, great Brett Favre, Ryan Grant, Jermichael Finley, Clay Matthews, Charles Woodson, Jordy Nelson and even (for shame, switching teams), Adrian Peterson.

Okay, so I pretty much have a crush on every great football player in existence. Don’t tell my top ten, wink wink.

On Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday nights, do you know where I am? AT HOME, PLAYA, WATCHING THE GAME!

Yes, we can now move on to the point of this whole rant. Last night’s football fiasco.

Last night, the Green Bay Packers faced off against the Seattle Seahawks in what would end up being the most ridiculous game I’ve seen for the past season and a half. And no, I’m not talking about ridiculous in a good way. I’m talking about in a ‘for the love of god, someone assassinate those refs, it would be a better call than letting them make the calls’ kind of way.

Admittedly, I was too busy doing homework to watch the first half of the game. I hear it was brutal. Seahawks led Packers, and Aaron Rodgers got sacked 8 bloody times. In one half, it’s unbelievable.

Anyway, the only part of the game I saw was the fourth quarter. Shame on me. In the fourth quarter, I got caught up on what slightly more devoted fans had been seeing all night…HORRIBLE REFFING.

So bad, in fact, that all refs involved should be sentenced to tarring and feathering at the nearest possible date of convenience. 

We don’t need to get into the nitty-gritty, or I’ll end up posting a 5,000 word blog about everything they did just in the last ten minutes of the game.

No, we’re going to call to attention their biggest foul, their most disgusting slip of judgement. The last 3 seconds of the game.

By some stroke of luck or fortune, the Seahawks managed to get the ball back from the packers with fifty-three seconds left on the clock. Packers were leading 12-7, and it looked like they had the game in the bag.

Russell Wilson, the QB for the Seahawks, proceeded to run his players down the field, throwing a series of Hail Mary plays. This resulted in a 4th and 20 with 3 seconds left on the clock. One last pass into the endzone…

And this is where it gets super tricky…

There are two people there to receive the pass. The Seahawk’s own Receiver, Golden Tate, or the Packer’s Defensive Back, Mr. M.D Jennings.

Jennings leaps into the air, grasping the football with two hands, and pulling it to his chest. Tate has one hand touching the ball as they fall to the ground. Clear interception, right? Upon hitting the ground in a pile-up, a struggle ensues, and results in both Jennings and Tate holding the ball.

But wait! If a pass is caught and secured by a player, doesn’t that make it their ball? When Jennings hit the ground, he still had obvious control of the football. So why, pre-tell, was it ruled a touchdown for Seattle based on a simultaneous catch ruling?

God, I am pissed, if you haven’t noticed. Oh, and I’m not the only one either. The entire football world is screaming for a reversal, even some Seahawks fans. Packers should be going 2-1, not the other way around.

Okay, I’m done.

Sorry for turning my blog into a football rant…I can promise you that it won’t happen again…this week.

Love ya!

September: Apparently Not a Strong Blogging Month

I have been absolutely terrible this month. Between work, school, and suddenly being sick all of the time, I haven’t had time to look after some of my very favorite online people…which, obviously, is you guys.

Let’s talk about a couple of hardships. First of all, my Spanish Class. I am way behind the curve here. My first Spanish teacher knew how to speak Spanish fluently, but had no idea how to teach it, and that combined with a class like mine, who constantly seeks to undermine new teachers at every turn, well…it just means that within the first two assignments, I have no idea what anyone is even saying.

I have now received an email telling me that I am an ‘at risk’ student in that class, with how little I’ve gotten done. I don’t know what to do, as the Spanish teacher at our school is the same one I’m working with virtually, and teaches over ITV, so I can’t have a face-to-face sit-down with her to talk about where I’m lagging.

Another thing to talk about is my flu, which just so happens to have popped up at the second most inconvenient time in my life this year. With work, school, and the Toad party coming up, I happen to have no time at all to be dealing with migraines, nausea, or any other such symptoms. If anyone knows a good Exorcism ritual to get rid of bad feelings and illness, you should send on the recipe.

I have also been struggling with some of the people around me after having halfway come out as Bisexual. I mean, it’s not a big deal. I’m an 18-year old female, and there’s a possibility that this has just been a really long phase, or it could be legit. I don’t know yet, which is why I’m not boldly displaying my sexuality like a beacon of hope to other lost souls.

However, there are some people close to me that I feel should know, and most of them are taking it really well, and some of them think that I need to be locked up for a few months, or simply just exposed to more attractive men. It really doesn’t matter, it has just given more ammo to the people who want to bring me down.

Another thing to talk about is my court date. I have a court date Wednesday for something I did in May (which I find inappropriate to discuss on my blog, lawfully, but has been posted in detail in my local newspaper), and I’m pretty nervous. I’m told that this is just a preliminary hearing, which means I’ll go, the judge will look over my stuff, and then issue a real court date, but still…it’s this whole big thing and I’m incredibly scared that it could impact my entire future.

After all, a criminal record can bar you from going to some colleges, getting jobs, living in certain neighborhoods, taking care of children, and having an exchange student. It can also affect where you travel, what you can do when you travel, the amount of security precautions will be taken against you, and some exchange programs that I might want to go with during college.

So, basically, wish me luck that this doesn’t impact my future, because I have huge plans for the future, and I don’t want them to be affected by a really stupid mistake I made when I was 17.

Now, let’s talk about getting older, because oh boy, I can feel my old bones creaking. It’s amazing how much you actually do change after you turn 18. At first, it’s like, oh, this isn’t a big deal, I can buy cigarettes and fireworks, I can vote etc. etc. Then you realize that you’ve actually begun to really think  about things, way more than you used to.

Then you realize that you’ve been sleep-planning your future, and all your fears about getting older are real, and than you only have two more years of being a teenager and then you’re done for. 

Oh, that’s just me? Well, I feel as if in my day-to-day life, I’ve stopped talking so much, and started doing more. I’m working and saving money, I’m doing school, I’m considering applications to college.

I’m taking my ridiculous dreams and filing them away in the ‘for when I’m rich and famous’ section, wink wink. Oh, yeah, and I’ve realized that I may or may not have the potential to actually become famous. I’m kind of waking up to the fact that there are millions upon millions of talented people out there, and I’m just one of them.

I’m making backup plans. I’m settling, because so many people who are sure they’re going to make it and don’t end up flipping burgers or working in cubicles for the rest of their lives, and that’s not me.

Anyway, now that you’ve heard me ramble on about my life, I’m going to get to the impossible task of doing my Spanish and Algebra homework all in one day, and then I’m going to lay back and watch stupid episodes of stupid tv shows because I’m sick and who the hell cares, anyway?

Love ya!