Guess who can’t sleep? Guess who doesn’t give a fuck? You wankers!

I’m a creature of the night. Lindsey is prolly sleeping, as for everyone else.

I may or may not be funny at night but I’m just gonna give this a shot here…mmmmmmmkay?

How fluent are you in Teleaspeak? You’re not, alright?

The thing is that I havs all these thoughts that seem so sensible in my head, and then I try and say them out loud and people are all like:

Seriously, Telea, what the fuck are you even talking bout?

Well I was discussing the politics of what a motherfucking dumbass you are, but uhm, lets move on, okay?

I always wanted to be a comedian. Pop out jokes wherever I go, class clown, goddamn, better than being the fucking pope, alright?

I always try to keep it real with people because that is always really important. That doesn’t really mix with comedy, because people know I keep it real, and so when I say something like:

Your mom has the biggest wizard sleeve ever.

People just go:

Wow. Telea, I can’t believe that you just said that to me about my mother.

Then I try to tell them that I’m joking and this is inevitably whqt they say:

Too far, Telea. That was just going wayyyyyy too far.

My friend on the left of me, who doesn’t possess standards about honesty, makes the same joke five minutes later, and this is what goes down.

“Ahahahaha, Cody, you are so freaking funny.”

And here I am going…

Seriously guys, what the fuck is wrong with you?

So basically I’m sitting up listening to Pandora radio, which is amazing. I happen to be on the comedy channel, so I’m hearing all these standup acta and going:

Fuck, if only I was funny.

Know who is really funny?

George fucking Carlin.

Just sayin.

Okay, I’mma cut this short before I really embarrass myself with my sad idea of comedy, mmmmmmkay?

“Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits.”

– George Carlin


About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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