Monthly Archives: October 2012

Blogging at Augsburg and Staying Longer than Anticipated

Hello, darling dearests, I have some things to discuss today that are kinda fun and interesting to the people who actually enjoy hearing about my life and the things I do with it. I’m first going to give you some news that you might or might not like.

My ride home was supposed to drive me back to Wisconsin this morning, but they ended up leaving god-awful early and forgetting about me, so it turns out I’ll be here until Wednesday or Thursday. I personally see this as the best thing that could have possibly happened to me, but my mother thinks otherwise, so you might, too.

Let’s talk about the weekend! On Friday, I got picked up by Laura and Dalia and Devon and we drove into the cities and went to Savers to find costumes. We then went over to Dalia’s and got all hussied up to head out to about the best club this side of Minnesota to go dancing. It’s called the Gay 90’s, and it’s fantastic. When you walk in the door over to where the coat check is, there is a gigantic golden penis ride that you can ride for free and get pictures on (yes, that did happen). So if anyone asks you what Telea did this weekend, you can simply reply: She rode a giant golden penis.

So, the cool thing about this club is that everyone is really willing to dance with everyone, which is amazing. We were dancing, and I saw this group of four girls dancing and I was like: YES, time to jump in and dance! So I did, and within two minutes there was a group of literally 20+ people standing in a gigantic circle, dancing and stuff. We even had people jumping into the middle to show off moves. It was amazing.

We also ran into a guy wearing a really loose-fitting speedo, so the picture that we got with him was fairly inappropriate, if you know what I’m saying *coughballsackcough*. It was fun, anyway. We danced for what felt like forever, and then watched some very attractive people dancing, and then danced some more. It was a great night. The light rail was delayed by forever, so after dancing, we ended up sitting in the cold for over an hour waiting for our train. It was still fun. We ran into Ben and Travis, who were both fairly drunk, caught the light rail, and then hit up Taco Bell, which was delicious.

Crashing happened soon after that, and I awoke the next morning refreshed, but just a little bit sore. Yes, you heard me. Telea Dodge finally got some sleep for once. A whole six hours, to be exact. It was amazing.

So then Saturday, Dalia and I hung out all days and shopped on Craigslist for apartments and houses just for fun. It was pretty sweet. We ordered this HUGE box of food with pizza, breadsticks, cinnamon sticks, and pizza rollers from Pizza Hut and just gorged out on that delicious food. It was amazing. Then it was time to get dressed and ready for a costume party at her neighbor’s house.

I, of course, dressed up as Loki, with my new Helmet and stuff, and everyone loved it. It was such a good time. The first half hour was super awks because I knew almost no one and I was nervous about making a good impression on all of those cool college cats, but the thing is, it turned out okay. Laura came up to me when I was sitting on a couch and she kinda knocked me out of my nerves.

“What happened to the Telea of last night? You’re star, and everyone loves you.”

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t that laced with compliments, but it was enough to get me on my feet and talking to people, which ended up being not hard at all. Everyone loved my costume, and I loved everyone, so it was a win-win. We partied there pretty late, and then my core group of people who I’ve known forever headed over to Taco Bell again, where I ran into an old friend suddenly, and that was awesome, too.

So, yeah, pretty much the entire weekend was a party and a half, and now I’m sitting in one of the buildings at Augsburg (which is looking more and more like the college I want to attend) and blogging to you guys. I’m here because Dalia has a tutoring sessions that she gets paid to do, so I decided to come chill instead of sitting at home and being lame. It also gives me a chance to catch up on my school, since I won’t be home for a while.

Anyway, I must dash, I have loads of work to do.
I hope your weekends were as good as mine was!!!

Love ya!


The Naked Goodbye

See you guys on Sunday!

What Thursday Vlogs Look Like, Loki Helmets, and Chomp Chomp

What a lazy blogger I am. Obviously, you guys don’t like the videos, because they go mostly unviewed, but whatever, it’s what I seem to have time for. Quite honestly, it used to be like I could just sit down and poop words out of my fingers, and now it’s like…uh….what to write about.

I am at a loss. I’m falling behind in my creative writing course and just feeling like, blahh, nothing is happening. So here’s a quick list of five reasons why vlogging is easier than blogging right now.

1. Not sleeping enough means that I can still look cute and silly on camera, but I only spew shit out of my fingers, so I can’t vlog worth a crap.

2. Blogging = write, chop, edit, chop, proof, chop, dance in circles, chop, tags. Vlogging = shoot, chop, add music, upload while hanging out on Tumblr. THAT easy.

3. I’m sexy. My face looks good on everything. So why not?

4. I like showing off my random new stuff and stuff.

5. It’s what I do, deal. ❤

Love ya!

Dying My Hair, Pelvic Thrusting, and Weekend Plans

So, darlings, I dyed my hair today, and I just had to discuss my amazing weekend plans, so here ya go! Mini-vlog, and getting better at editing, too!.

Also, I’m posting a little bit down here, so you get the double awesome, if you know what I’m saying. It’s like a big blog orgy of awesome, right? Ehh.

I invite you again to give me input on what you would like me to blog/vlog about, because I am fresh out of ideas this months and I would like to keep you interested.

Love ya!

Kids, as an old and wise eighteen year old, I have some possibly distressing news for you. I mean, you’re like, still in someone’s tummy, but I figured that the earliest possible date that you could be informed was probably the best. Right now, you’re probably just an adorable, slimy little fetus resting inside your mother’s womb. You probably have fingernails. I don’t know if you can think or sense, but I know you can’t see, and I’m so happy for your luck in that department.

Your tiny little heart is beating, and your tiny little body is forming, and one day, you’ll plop out of your mom’s vagina in a gory, horror-movie-esque scene. Your father might have a panic attack; the first thing you hear might be your mother screaming, and that, dears, is traumatic. Next, someone will hang you upside-down and slap your ass. Oh, they don’t do that anymore? Really?

But this is actually not the traumatic news I have in store for you. Oh child of love (or child of drunken back-seat canoodling), you are about to be born into a family of idiots. Yes, yes it’s true. Your mother is probably not even out of high school yet, and your idiot Pot-Smoking dad dropped high school to be in a band, which, yehp, you guessed it, just disbanded. You see, these two sex-crazed drug addicts flooped the loop without protection a few too many times, and now here you are, imprisoned in a cell (or many cells, ahaha), serving your 9-10 months long before your time. I truly fear for you.

So, today, I’m going to give you a small gift, and I hope that it helps you in your sad, unfortunate, probably doomed life. I can only hope this gets to you before your mother drops you too many times, or your father watches you crash the car because he thought it would be cool to see a Toddler drive. 

This gift will come in a list. You can read it when you finally turn twelve and your grandmother actually manages to sneak your first picture book into your household. A list of five (because really, that’s all there are) things that  you can use to get out of this situation.

1. Your Grandparents. Though they’re probably as dumb as anyone in this town, they are good Christians who hold firm beliefs. They will try to get you an education. They will buy you decent clothes and even take you to Church every Sunday. They will work their hardest to instill morals, values, and chocolate chip cookies into you. Warning: When you hit Puberty, they’ll either stop trying or they’ll turn to the dark side to get you a future.

2. Be Born a Natural Beauty/Talent/Genius. I know, I know, you can’t control this one, and if you’re a fat, geeky, pimple-ridden and diseased teenager reading through this at the speed of a turtle climbing a mountain, this is just going to feel incredibly offensive. On the off-chance that your father’s rock-star looks and your mother’s talent for giving Blowjobs gets passed down to you, I suggest you start making money the only way you know how. Flipping Burgers at McDonalds. Prostitution is wrong, kids.

3. Sell Your Body for LOTS of Money. Yes, we have just disregarded my previous sentence. If you can make enough money to get out of there, and you’re sensible at all, you may be able to find yourself a job/education. Sure, you’ll have Herpes looming over you for the rest of your unnatural-born life, and chances are that the best you’ll do is a semester of Community College, but at least you won’t be living in a Podunk town where your boyfriend is your cousin and your mom is your uncle. Don’t ask how that works.

4. Rob a Bank and skip town. You’ll want to do this at a young age. The idea is be young enough to not go to jail and old enough to know how to hotwire a car, crack safes, and flee to a tropical island paradise far away. Or at least hire people to do the first two things and then get a job working at Treasure Island.

5. Make your Mother crave Bleach. Harsh, I know, but if she drinks bleach in copious amounts, you won’t be born, and that will save the world from the 90 percent chance that you’ll end up an ugly, easy, trailer park kid that gets preggers/gets someone preggers at 13. Good luck to you and may Asgard help us all.

Love ya!

Community Service, Taco Bell, and Random Fuckery

GREAT SCOTT, I NEED TO GET BETTER AT VIDEO EDITING. Anyway, enjoy learning about what I did today and getting your ears raped by new music. ❤

Today, I was a good person. I mean, I’m a good person every day, but today I worked extra specially hard on being a good person. I also made a Vlog about it, so I’m going to talk about something completely different and then post the Vlog later on for you darlings. 

I’m really enjoying all this vlogging action. I’m terrible at Video Editing still, but I’m working hard and taking tutorials on the software to try to expand my knowledge. What I’m also enjoying is finding local/undiscovered music and using it in the background of my vlogs to kind of help promote that band.

Soooo, if you have any artists that you know or know of that need a little tiny like, 5 person viewer boost, you could suggest them and I would get some of their music. This also applies to my life. I need new music, like, all the time. Give me your music, or at least the name of it. I will shamelessly promote it/listen to it if I like it…which I prolly will. I’m really, truly, a sucker for good music.

Also, as I mentioned in the Vlog, I got all these cool short wigs from the Distribution, so I will be making new characters for my comedy skits, which we are in the process of writing/filming. A new one should be up today or tomorrow from when Lover was over.

So, today, we’re talking about how incredibly awesome Telea is. Not because she really is, just because she needs the esteem boost to keep going on with Today. Everyone has those days, yeah? Yes, it has been an excellent day, and the weekend itself wasn’t too shabby, I just feel a little low, so here we go with some creative compliments that I say to myself every morning when I wake up…or, at least, I will now.

Thou art so colorfulific that thy very heart forgeteth to beat when thou look’d in thine mirror. Now thou art dead for thine vanity! For shame, thou gloriomatically divine creature!


Fuck, you’re sexy.

Love Ya!