And by that I mean I’m an asshole who completely forgot about her favorite blog in the whole fucking world. I mean, I guess in a way it’s a happy thing because the happier and more content I am about my life, the less likely I am to have to rant about said life on blog. Which then leaves me with no material and sums up the reason why for months I was on a roll with my life.
Yes, allow that to make you sad. That I was an emotional wreck for the entirety of the time you allowed yourself to snoop into my very public private life.
But today and yesterday have been very angsty. Super angsty. Especially with a 3 am blog post that turns into a 4 am blog post because you let your fucking dog out for five minutes and she takes off like speedy gonzales and comes home like slowpoke rodriguez. Not cool. Especially when it’s Wisconsin and Spring is still motherfucking WINTER and you’re out in the cold in practically your skivvies trying to track down wanderdog.
Can’t say I fully blame her. I know the feeling of needing to wander. I just wish that she would be sensible, like me, and not take off at motherfucking three in the morning. I am swearing too much and I’m very sorry about all of this.
Graduation is also coming up and my classes are kicking my ass. A lot of it is due to my own procrastination (yes, I failed at my whole motivation and determination spiel), but it is also partially the blame of a Spanish class that is very confusing and a historically inaccurate art appreciation class.
Like come on, everything you said about Van Gogh was wrong. Was he a fucking Renaissance man? NO, MOTHERFUCKERS, HE EXISTED IN THE 1800’S. Did everyone paint in his style during his life? NO MOTHERFUCKERS, HE WAS RIDICULED FOR HIS STYLE AND HIS BRUSHSTROKES. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW IN THIS TIME OF VAN GOGH MOURNING AND-
Oh wait, you might not know. Van Gogh probably didn’t commit suicide. It is more likely that he got drunk with some teens, one of whom had a cowboy hat and a gun, and got accidentally shot by said (misfiring) gun in the very field where he is said to have taken his own life. You cannot imagine my level of depression over this. Unless you’re really really into Vincent Van Gogh.
So right, I haven’t been busy, more just content but very, very sad. All of the time, even when I am happy or sleeping or eating. Which is weird. Because usually when I’m eating I feel nothing but joy. It’s a ‘problem’. I am very sad and I don’t know why or how to fix it.
My nights have again been becoming increasingly later and my interaction with my friends has been cut down by a lot. Mostly because bad roads…this is Wisconsin, after all. Partially because of state borders…I have probation, after all…and a little bit because friends sometimes really betray you or let you down and that just happened to me.
In a very big, not my fault at all, kind of way. But that is for another time. I hope you lovelies are being safe out there.