My Not-So-Adoridable Stalker

I am exhausted. Not because I’ve been doing stuff or not getting enough sleep, NO! I am simply worn out. I have close to zero energy, I have an eye infection, my face is breaking out, and I’m coming down with a cold.

Last night, we went to the lake and swam. Just my parents and a few other adults and I. The water was really warm, so I wasn’t feeling the most super duper refreshed, but it was better than sitting home marathoning old episodes of Charmed (yes, I know I’m a loser).

Carter ended up showing up a little later, so we swam out to the log and talked life and longboarding (which is his hobby), and then we swam back when a certain person showed up.

For the sake of not singling said person out, we’re going to call him Charles (which isn’t even close to his real name). He’s this guy that I mistakenly almost dated last summer and will now not leave me alone. At all.

Whenever I see him, he gets his creeper eyes on and watches me like a hawk. One of the last times I went to the lake, he showed up, and was trying to touch me inappropriately underwater. If it wasn’t such a hassle, I would get a restraining order, but…hassle.

Every time I get a new number, he somehow procures it from someone and texts me. Life is creepy sometimes.

Of course, I try to be nice to him. All people deserve at least a little bit of happiness, right? Before you start, you should just know that I still very firmly say no to him, just if he says hi, I’m gonna say hi back, you know? If he’s getting mixed signals, he doesn’t know what signals are.

Anyway, I am ready for new adventure. I, somewhat foolishly, believe that it is this town that’s bringing me down, and that I need to get out of it.

Anyway, gotta go. Tata for now and all that cute stuff!

Love ya!

Thanks, Uterus, I love you too.

Ow. Owwww. OWWWWMOTHERFUCKINGOWWWW.

It’s that time of month, dears. The time of month when my Uterus decides she has a personal vendetta against me and does everything in her power to make my life a living hell.

Ohh the woes of being female. The typical ‘this too shall pass’ feeling goes accompanied with ‘until next month’ and ‘yeah, when I hit menopause’. It is just generally not a good time.

Let us get down to the business of my life. Yesterday, Sami and I took a nice little trip over to the lake (because it was hotter than hellfire) and went swimming. It was really nice and we made a new friend. Of course, that friend was under the initial impression that we might just be lesbians (it’s a Sami and Telea thing), but everything worked out in the end.

There’s not much else to say about my day other than that it was hot, I took a nap, it was hot, I rewatched Ten Inch Hero, and it was fucking hot.

Good times, eh?

Today, I’m having a hard time deciding between going off in search of adventure or staying home snuggling a large bottle of Excedrin and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.

No matter, I will survive!

Love ya!

It was the Wicked and Wild Wisconsin

Hhhooonneeeyyy, I’m hhooommmeee. Yes, dears, I have indeed returned to my ever-so-same town to rejoice in having all of my plans crumble like badly-made cookies. The life of Telea rages on faster than an angry and slightly emotionally confused Water Buffalo, and I, Telea, continue to direct this could-be-famous venture.

Yesterday was rather uneventful, consisting of…going home…getting a terrible sunburn…singing…hanging with Tristan and Jared…and sleeping. What a day…or something. It was really just a blur.

I feel like I’m dreaming now that I’m back. I mean, come on, sure, I was only gone for a week or so, but the honest truth of the matter is…I didn’t expect to come home…

So, we move on into lighter waters. We can see the bottom now, meaning we are all incredibly-edibly shallow. It’s all okay, though, because we are discussing zombies.

I was reading Newsweek today, at the dentist (aka the bringer of misery) and I read about that guy who was playing WoW and then he went and killed 77 people in Norway.

And about that guy who ate the organs of all of his lovers…

And it is all being said: bath salts.

Hey, I had bath salts in my bath water all the time when I was a kid…and I never devoured any faces.

Just kidding, I’m not ignorant, I know it’s a drug (mix) and not a friendly neighborhood skin-softener. And also just kidding, there was one time with a nose, but it was just the tip and I didn’t eat it!

Anyhow, back to the grind.

Love ya!

The Long Night

Ohhh god, where to start? Should we just do a quick cover sentence? Okay. Pride was amazing. Like, beyond everything I could have ever dreamed it would possibly be. That’s how good.

On Saturday, we left off with me talking about heading to Pride. With parking and walking, we didn’t reach the festival until around one. At first, it was kind of eh. There were tons of people, my stomach was ass-hurting, and the park was huge. After a while, though, the pain, confusion, and gay panic vanished. Scratch that last one: what gay panic? We chilled out, enjoyed some booths, made some nonsense and THEN!

We were over by a stage waiting for Antonio (what a dick, really. Like, no lie, friendship suspended), and suddenly, the most beautiful drag queen I had ever seen just pops up on the stage and starts dancing. Her name was Mercedes and I am in love. I later that day got a hug from her!

We then proceeded to go to every booth that had condoms and collect them. We then proceeded to hand these condoms out to attractive people, which is how we met Austin and Lucy. Both of them were incredibly good looking, and they chilled out with us for over an hour.

We then ran into Encendre, who was with a whole crowd of beautiful, wonderful people. That group split in two, and we went with the group headed to the sculpture garden. No lie, THERE IS A CHERRY ON A SPOON OVER A FOUNTAIN!

After this, we regrouped, and created a huge jam circle and met tons of amazing people (I would name them all, but there were butts too many) for hours and hours and hours…and then we went home. It was magnificent.

The next day (Sunday), we rose bright and early to head to the parade. Sadly, parking was bad, so we only caught the tail end of it. We headed back to the park to our old jam session spot, and the whole gang showed up again. OH MY FSM, I MET CORWYN AND HE WAS BEAUTIFUL (but that wasn’t until later) (oh, and we kissed).

Following the trends of the six most gorgeous Lesbians I had ever seen (or kissed), we emblazoned our bodies with the logo ‘Free Kisses, Free Hugs’ and walked around the park. That is the story of how I got buttloads of gay action and a free bracelet.

Also following the trend of the same gorgeous Lesbians, we duct taped our nipples and freeballed for a while, dancing to the music of the dubstep wagon (you heard me).

We then made the biggest Pride Orgy pit ever, and were photographed by tons of people.

SPEAKING OF PHOTOGRAPHS!

I got a picture with these two hot women, one who was painted silver, and the other gold. I then procured free kisses from them. Win.

The orgy pit lasted well into the night, until finally, the Pride crowds dispersed and we started making a plan. We bid farewell to Matt, Kresha, and Liana, and then a large group of us walked to Davani’s pizza, where we nommed like heavyweight champs.

There was the most adorable girl from Africa there, but I am positive she was tripping balls. I wish I could remember her name. It was complicated and African.

We stayed at Davani’s until they asked us to leave, and then headed to the bus to take us home (or to Encendre’s house). There was a mini chillfest there and then lights out.

Trust me, that description did not do Pride justice, but if I type on this phone anymore, my fingers will fall off.

My recommendation is that you show up next year and see for yourself.

Love ya!

Pride!

I am in a car. I am in a red car. I am in a red car with three other people. I am in a red car with three other people wearing ‘I heart cock’ shirts. I am in a red car with three other people wearing ‘I heart cock’ shirts on my way to Pride.

The Twin Cities Pride Fest is one of the largest Pride Fests in the United States. And I am going there. Just as soon as my ride figures out where the hell we are going.

Anyway, yesterday, I went to a really fun party with music and a guy that looked like a cross between Drew Fuller and Jared Leto.

We flirted for like, an hour, I found out he was from California…

And just as we were leaning in for what was probably going to be the most epic kiss of the century when…

I got cockblocked by my grandmother, who was smashed. She calls my phone and says: I am getting a bad vibe, come home.

Damn. Damn damn damn. One more. Damn.

Okay, we are just about to the park. See you later, lovelies!

Love ya!

The Five Dollar Wiggle Room

Good morning people of the blogniverse! I am posting today in slightly higher spirits, though my luck has still been slightly down and life isn’t quite roasty-toasty Marshmallows yet.

Yesterday, I walked forever and a half. I went all over the area and got a wee bit of a sunburn. I then went to a park that I used to visit every time I was in town to see my cousin. It was a nice flashback.

A guy was there with his three kids. We talked for about an hour and then exchanged numbers. He’s very nice and he said that if I had time this week, he would pay me top dollar to babysit the the kids at the park for a few hours.

I got back to the apartment to find it locked up tighter than a safe full of rubies. I sat outside for a bit, and then decided to try my luck at busking. After an hour in the blazing sun, I actually made five bucks, and now my life seems just a little more secure. I will be able to bus to Pride instead of biking.

I am so excited to go to Pride, it’s not even funny. This Pride festival is one of the largest ones in the United States. My plan is to go Saturday, find a place to crash on Saturday night, and then go to the Parade!!

For three years (YEARS, I TELL YOU), I have been invited to Pride. This will be my first year in attendance, if all goes well.

My plans for the day are to go to the Police Station and file a report for my wallet and then to go to some nice neighborhood and busk a bit more (I mean, come on, five bucks doesn’t get you that far).

Love ya!

Oh. Right. Okay Then.

It is a beautiful morning, yes indeed it is. The problem being that I can’t exactly enjoy it based on the fact that I may or may not be getting kicked out of the place I’m staying at. Oh joy, right?

Currently, I am staying with my grandmother, and I think that she is getting just a bit too old to have to worry about me and herself. She has a lot of things she is involved in, and she is just generally a very busy person.

Sooo, the place hunt continues. It doesn’t happen to be the best thing ever, and with my adventures, I could end up doorknocking, but you all know me. Strong Telea. Brave Telea. Scared out of my mind Telea, but hey, what can you do about it? You can move on.

The story of yesterday goes a little something like sitting on my ass all day, getting a ride to get my stuff (thank you, Donna!), taking a shower (OH MY FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, HOT WATER, CLEAN CLEAN!!!), and then going to a solstice/poetry reading thing with Gramma.

I met two girls who are becoming Freshmen, and I got a little insight into how early kids are starting nowadays. Really fucking early. They’re sitting and talking casually about how their friend gave so-and-so head, and how they love booze and…really, what the hell?

Sad, sad world. On the upside, I wore my pretty green dress and got some cute compliments from very cute people. Of course, I would have much rather been at a party wearing my typical attire, but hey, what can one do but go with the flow?

Anyhow, my daughter (not really) Aurora will be coming into town from California next Friday. I hope to holy Satanic underlords that I will be around to see her. Trying my hardest and getting shot down from all sides, go figure.

Well, I have to go parle with Grams now, and then try to find a place to crash.

Love ya!