Monthly Archives: December 2011

We’re gonna party like it’s 1999


Why is that a phrase?

Uhh, ever heard of Y-2-K?

I did. I was 6 fucking years old, but I knew what it was.

I mean, come on, Nsync wrote a freaking song about it. Right?

So, today, I need to do a vlog, but I have lil zits everywhere and I look super duper trashy and stuff and I just feel like I really need to be awesome about this and show you my terrible face anyway, but I’m not sure at all.

I’M GOING TO A PARTY TONIGHT!

Right, buddy?

It’s gonna be so freaking cool.

So, I’m about to go VOmegling. Just sayin’.

So this blog post is really short and only here because I felt bad about leaving you guys hanging.

Just sayin’

I pooped today.

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I’ll never be famous!


It’s a true story, ya know?

I don’t really care, but it would be pretty cool to be kinda-sorta famous, right?

I mean, you guys will never be famous either, but I’m working super hard to be so, and you probably are NOT. If you are, well, kudos to you, right? Yeahhh, buddy.

Why are we talking about being famous?

Because I received a question in my inbox saying:

“Telea, how do I become famous?”

Uhhhhhh. Awkward.

Duuuudddeee, WHY would you ever ask me that? I’m not famous! I’ll never be famous! (SEE TITLE!)

Let us just reflect on the question for a moment.

How do I become famous?

How do I become famous?

How do I become famous?

How do I become famous?

How do I become famous?

How do I become famous?

YOU DON’T.

Unless you’re pretty, talented, awesome in every way, and just…ohhhmahhhgoodddd.

Example?

Look at me now

SHE’S SOOOO GOOD!

You probably know her since she had FIFTY MILLION VIEWS!

Why, because she and her cute husband are attractive, funny, talented, and just total ballers.

I mean, I can sing, there’s no doubt about that.

I do have a CERTAIN attractive appeal…I suppose.

AND I am devoted to becoming famous.

Still not going to happen. Just sayin’.

There’s too many pretty people out there.

So, to answer you question in one short, disappointing, terrible sentence.

You fail, you will never become famous!

And that is all for the blog today.

I love you and I wanna let you know that you’re beautiful and wonderful, but so am I and I’m not going anywhere.

Okayyy, bye!

Why I’m thankful for Christmas (A REALLY short list)


The time has come, I’ve often said, to speak of many things…

Such as Christmas (again).

I realize you guys prolly think I’ve become pretty scroogy, so I wanted to alter your perceptions just a little bit and talk about the reasons I like Christmas.

So here goes, a list of all the reasons Christmas got on the nice list this year.

Except it didn’t, not really.

1. CHRISTMAS BREAK! This happens to be the number one reason I like Christmas. Not to pull out a terrible cliche, but Honey, I’m gonna be home for Christmas. By that I mean my home, not yours. That would be creepy.

2. BODILY DECORATIONS! Around the Christmas season (and especially on the last day of school before break), you have the opportunity, nay, the RIGHT to dress how you want. I dressed with much vivor, and have clothed myself in my “Santa’s naughty little helper’ attire. However, this means I have the opportunity (Nay, the RIGHT!) to take a visit to the Principal’s office today.

3. FACIAL DECORATIONS! I have a lot of makeup and I know how to use it! Yay for a Lady Gaga gold lightning bolt on the left side of my face, and black glitter vines on the right, both extending from my eyes (Pictures right down here!)

The Lady Gaga side of things. This took me…uhhh, like…20 minutes and a whole bottle of glitter.
This is the one where I look creepy and you can see both sides!
Here’s the Viney side, which everyone likes better

Come on, it’s just a really good angle!

4. PRESENTS! Hey, just because I don’t give them doesn’t mean I don’t get them! This yearI have gotten…love and cheer and joy and good times and candy absofuckinglutely nothing. Let’s just cross this off the list, mmmkay?

5. I AM JESUS CHRIST AND THEY ARE CELEBRATING ME. To be QUITE honest, I can’t even think of a number five. Mmmkay? Yes.

So, that is my short list of all the reasons I just LOVE Christmas! We will be posting a Christmas video, which will be awesome. I think. We shall see. I don’t know when it will be posted, but it shall be EPIC!

Okay, so this concludes my blog post for the day.

Skimpy? Yes. You know why?

I’m too busy spreading Christmas cheer, drinking eggnog, and kissing under the mistletoe.

Just kidding, I just have no tolerance for you guys words today.

I’m so hungry for the HUNGER GAMES!


Coolness. Let us reflect and discuss on what makes a person cool.

OR OR OR!

We could just party like total rockstars instead. Because the fact of life is that in order to be cool, you have to take a little less time to explain and a little more time to demonstrate. Shows you how cool I am, right? Coz I’m here and hanging out and telling you all about what it’s like to be cool, which makes me uncool…which makes me a total liar.

So, I have a bone to pick with you guys. Those last two blog posts were FUCKING FUNNY!

You know what you did about that? You just sat there and didn’t laugh, not even at the Chris Blue joke, and that offends me. No likes, no new followers. I am happy, though. I have 20 whole followers! That’s hella cool. In other follower news, Telea now has FIVE WHOLE SUBSCRIBERS on her Youtube channel. This makes Telea verily happy. I am Telea.

Okay, soooo, I feel as if I have to mention my sister at some point in this blog. After all, she’s the one who constantly yells at me to POST MORE BLOGS, MAKE MORE VIDEOS! Yeah, Liana, I AM talking to you, you stupid asshat. Just kidding, I totally love you.

Soooooo, I’m gonna give you a link to one of her videos so that you can view her in all of her newfound ‘lifelessonyness’.

Are you looking pretty damn good?

If for some odd reason you think she’s way funnier than me or prettier or cooler or something, you can subscribe to her, or just have sex with her (JUST KIDDING, SHE’S IN THAILAND, SUCKERS!)

Here’s the email address she uses for comments and questions and stuff like that, yeah? (ALSO, SHE REALLY LIKES IF YOU SEND HER PICTURES OF DICKS PUPPIES.

lianastinson77@gmail.com

Okay,for real though, our topic is THE HUNGER GAMES MOVIE TRAILER!!!!

I’m just gonna stick the actual link in here, because I’m pretty damn sure you won’t be able to view it if I share it. I think, anywho, here it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgssLmsOa2s

BOOOMMM!

Okay, so all of my friendies who have read all the books (Okay, I have too, they’re my favorite books ever and they’re amazing and I love them, and I was totally team Gale, but then he wanted to do all this shit that was so not cool, so then I was team Peeta, but he’s such a tool, and then I was team Finnick and then SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT Finnick dies, and I was crying my eyes out because he SO was not supposed to die, and I’m just ughhhhhh) think that the trailer is MAGNIFICENT.

I disagree.

Annnddd, I have just a few things to say about it.

” We could do it you know, take off, live in the woods.”

REALLY, GALE, REALLY? You’re ugly and your ideas are never gonna work out, so why are you opening the trailer with THAT line, you arsehole?

The hovercraft was loud. Also, that was too big, and it didn’t appear out of nowhere. Am I being MEGA picky? Of course I am!

Just gonna say, right now:

Effie Trinket. PUURRRRFECTTT. From what I saw, that is. You just want to hate her, right away. Better casting than the lady who played Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter.

*Katniss pulls Prim, tells her she’s not gonna get picked as Prim is crying.*

Prim gets picked.

Thanks, foreshadowing, we NEVER woulda gotten that on our own!

Now, here’s an opinion part. Everyone is going

“OHMYGAWWDD, THE PART WHERE KATNISS VOLUNTEERS IS SOOOO INTENSE AND I JUST FELT THAT!”

Yeahh, I didn’t.

You’re gonna have to watch the rest of the trailer for yourself and pick out the worst parts ever, but this is the first 59 seconds and I’m already pissed off.

I mean, yeah, I’m super excited still (HUNGER GAMES FANGIRL ALL THE WAY, not to sound like a total nerd with no life or anything)

I’ve legitly been trolling actors for roles for the past two hours.

The part that now has me shaken up is

WHO IS GOING TO BE FINNICK O’DAIR?

Also, does anyone at all recognize that he’s obviously Irish? Yeah, get an Irish dude. Now, I’m having a hard time picturing ANYONE that perfect, because honestly, my image of Finnick is like ten times hotter than Bradley Cooper or Jared Leto. BUTTTT! If you want to see the top three choices right now, and then wanna troll through the comments to see what everyone else thinks, go here! I certainly did.

http://www.thehob.org/2011/08/who-should-be-cast-as-finnick-odair-in-catching-fire.html#comment-19519

Okay, I’m done now.

Love you!

“You’re an ARSEHOLE!”


To begin this blog, I would like to say that I have very little time to post this at all, because I had a lot of stuff to do this hour and NOT MUCH TIME AT ALL!

Sooo, Kresha is sitting next to me, and we’re chilling out, and that’s kinda what this blog is, just me and Kresha hanging out like cool cats, right?

YEAHHH BUDDY!!!

Kresha picked our topic today, and it is…

EYELIDS!

“Ewww, they’re really gross. They’re like eyes, and then they’re like lids, and so they’re eyelids.”

– Kresha.

Also, to relate this to our blog title, if you have your eyelids unlidded whilst rubbing your face in a fart pillow, you will get PINK EYEBALL!

“Did you know that you can have laser treatment for you eye? Like, if you have brown eyeballs, you can make them BLUE!!”

Well, who the fuck wants blue eyes anyway?

Kade: “I do.”

Kresha: “HEY, I HAVE FLOOPA BLUE EYES! THAT’S OFFENSIVE!”

Uhhh, awkward.

Okay, so we have like, five minutes left, and we are just so cool and you are gonna love this blog because Kresha is in it.

“What would you do if you were Chris Brown and everybody hated you? I would just go punch people. You already have a bad rep, so doing it again is whatever. Chris Brown is Chris Brown.”

– Kresha.

Unless he gets eyeball surgery, then he’ll be Chris Blue.

Ohhh man, we’re so legit.

Annnddd our finishing quote for the day is…

“You’re so full of shit your eyes are turning brown!”

 

If somehow I managed to die…


I think the first thing that I need to state before we start is that I am absolutely incapable of death. True story. I can’t die.

Don’t believe me? Well, then you’re just a butt, because those who read my blog are supposed to believe EVERYTHING I post without any doubt in their pretty little heads.

Translation:

“I don’t die and you’re stupid.”

Wait…

Okay, lemme take that back, process it a little, and then throw it out there again.

“I CAN’T die, and you’re still stupid.”

Let’s move on before I hurt your feeling for real. The topic of the day is actually two things!

Topic number one is CHRISTMAS! (Why it’s completely ridiculous)

Topic number two…Look at the title.

Christmas is a consumer holiday based off of everything wrong in this world. Our countdown to Christmas on this blog is actually a statement every day that I blog on all the reasons why I just hate Christmas.

Actually, that’s an overstatement. I don’t hate. The main problem I have with Christmas is that it turned from this religious thing to this thing about family, and then it transformed after that to a celebration of money and spending it. That’s so dumb! I mean, sure, I love giving and getting presents, but they shouldn’t be about the cost, and you shouldn’t lie that Santa brought them. We are all just pulled into this SCAM and I’m sick of it.

To conclude, I want all the Transformers movies, a 500 dollar Hot Topic or Spencers gift card, a Ferrari California, free gas for the rest of my life, and 1,000,000 hits on all my Youtube videos. Please and THANK YOU!

Oh, since we’re talking about Youtube videos, my sister and I made a mega-legit one…kinda. Here’s the link!

T-Dog got a bad Lady! Skype Date gone wrong!

Haha, sorry for the bad quality, it was filmed on my little shit of a phone.

SECOONNNDDDDD TOPPPICCCCC!

If I somehow managed to die…these are things I would want to say before I did.

1.) I pooped today.

2.) There are few things in life that are precious, and now there will be one less.

3.) Please don’t eat my corpse.

4.) You could have stopped this. YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

5.) Now I finally get to see Ironhide.

If I somehow managed to die and become a zombie or undead creature…these are the things I would want to say to the living.

1.) Does this shirt make me look dead?

2.) I’m sorry I shit on your lawn.

3. Hey, wait, does this mean I don’t have to dress up for Halloween anymore?

4. I pooped today.

5. If you promise not to hit me, I promise not to eat you.

If I somehow managed to die and end up in a heaven for ants…these are the things I would want to say (If I could speak antish)

1. I AM YOUR DEMON OVERLORD!

2. This food is bite-sized.

3. So, really? Your heaven is just the real world without insecticides and with more food? Aim higher next time. Oh, wait, you can’t. Coz you’re an ant.

4. What do you guys call Jesus?

5. I pooped today.

If I somehow managed to die and go to hell…these are the bargains I would make with the devil.

1. Let me poop today.

2. If you give me five more years of happiness and wealth and attractiveness and GREAT SEX on earth, I won’t take your throne.

3. Hey, my shoes aren’t shiny enough, put a little elbow grease in there.

4. Stop kissing my ass and I’ll consider letting you be my understudy.

5. Spend a week with my sister and TELL ME you’re not scared she’s gonna kill us all.

If I somehow managed to die and decompose the way scientists say it’ll happen…these are the things I would say if my jaw wasn’t rotting off.

1. HAH, and all you other suckers believed in Jesus!

2. I don’t wanna go like this, I might get dirty!

3. Oh, you maggot, that tickles!

4. Shoulda gotten cremated.

5. I involuntarily ejected anal waste today.

THAT CONCLUDES THE MONDAY BLOG! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

See you tomorrow, or something!

 

All because of one stupid mistake!


Today I will be linking my stupid vlog that I posted a couple of days ago on this blog. Why?

Because I just got a letter from the School Board, which I will also take the time to type out, just for your pleasure, okay? It’s not very pleasurable at all and it’s also very hard to understand, but here’s the video, and after will be the letter.

Now I fucked up! Repainting the Locker.

Soo, right up there, that’s the link, okay? Now I shall copy down this letter I recieved, mmmkay?

Dear Telea,

I am writing you this letter in regard to your participation in a behavior unbecoming of a “participant”, destruction of school property and dishonesty. Due to the severity of this incident, it will result in a first offense activity referral. This is in violation of the School Board Policy, JFC, Activities Code, Grades 6-12. In Article IV- Eligibility Rules Section I, states: The student is to uphold the ideals, principles, and standards of the WIAA and the school. (WIAA Handbook, Health and Behavior, Article VII, and the School District of Prairie Farm policy. Any athlete/participant who commits a legally punishable criminal act shall be suspended from athlete. Acts/behaviors such as these would be considered “behavior unbecoming of and athlete/participant.” Examples include: acts of vandalism; flagrant violation of game rules; theft; destruction of school property; serious and/or continued violation of school regulations; and serious and/or continued disrespect of teachers, officials, students, or other school or community persons. (Board Policy JFA- Code of Conduct, Student Handbook, Nondiscrimination Policy, Sexual Harrassment Policy, Hazing Policy, Dangerous Weapons Policy, Suspension/Expulsion Policy, Alcohol and/or other Drug Use by Students Policy, etc.)

E)          First Violation

Group A

  1. A first violation results in a suspension from athletic competition for a period of 20% of the contests based on the regular season of the sport. Any remaining percentage of that suspension not served shall be recalculated and applied to the next sport in which that athlete participates in and completes.
  2. If the suspension carries over into the WIAA Tournament series, the athlete will miss the entire series. This clause pertains to team tournament as well as the individual tournament series. Any remaining percentage of that violation will carry over to the next season of participation.
  3. Any student serving a penalty during a sport must remain in that sport in order for the penalty to be valid. If a student quits the sport, any remaining percentage of that violation will carry over to the next season of participation.

Group B

  1. A first violation results in a suspension from ALL activities for a period of FIFTEEN (15) SCHOOL DAYS. Suspension will include all practices, competitions/performances, meetings and travel with the group for the specific number of days. If a student refers him/herself before being reported, the suspension will be 10 school days. (Suspension ends on 1/10/12)

If you disagree with this ruling you have the right to appeal to the School Board of the District of Prairie Farm. The written appeal must be received by the school Administrator within 2 school/week days of this ruling. In this case it must be recieved by December 19th, 2011.

If questions should arise you may call me or the Administration at ***-****

 

Soo, that’s that, I suppose. I was told that if I wrote an essay titled ‘Do the Right Thing’, then suspension would be reconsidered, but apparently the principle found my article less that appealing, as I have received this notice. I’m really sad now because of a few little things.

1. Well, my parents will prolly ground me really hardcore.

2. I spent around an hour writing that goddamn essay.

3. I don’t know what this will mean for my grades.

Yeah, so that’s basically it, and I don’t know that I have anything else to talk about today, but I will think of something entertaining to end this blog post on.

Good notes, right?

I have 184 video views total on Youtube. Please pretty please help me get to 200 by Sunday? That would be really cool, and it’s really not that much work. Of course, overall I would like about ten hundred million views, but let’s start with just getting 16 more views, okay?

I HAVE MY TWITTER LINK!

But it won’t let me post it right now. Sad days.

I guess it’s time to finish up, eh? I mean, I didn’t really write much myself, but I have some other work to do, and I promise you new videos either tonight or tomorrow, and a new blog…tomorrow. I think. Maybe not. It will be short if I do, because it will be posted from my phone.

Okay, should we actually follow tradition today and end with a quote? YESSIR WE SHALL!

“People keep coming up to me and asking, ‘How does it feel to be banned for life?’ Banned for life. I wasn’t banned for life. There was never a word of suspension, probation or ban in that agreement. It was never meant to be part of it.”

– George Steinbrenner