Monthly Archives: March 2013

The Easter Bunny

Right now I am sitting right outside the community center of our village, which actually used to be the school before the town expanded and we had to build a new one. It is sunny and warm out and I am very much enjoying the light breeze that is ruffling my pink polka-dotted dress.

Today I am doing my first community service for my probation, which I got from a friend of the church pastor of our town. I called yesterday and she said that there were a variety of jobs that I could do to finish my community service, starting with being the Easter Bunny’s assistant today as we hand out candy to children.

I came out this morning to bag up Easter eggs and now am waiting for a ride home. I’ll be coming back at around three today to hand out the candy. Hopefully it stays this nice and warm.

So basically, I thought that now would be the perfect time to post a blog on my little iPod while I’m waiting for my ride. I mean, I already snap chatted everyone in my contacts and updated my Facebook status, so what else is there to do?

In another note, I now remember how frustrating it is to post a blog from an IPod or other small and annoying device. I’m just about ready to throw this little dude against the wall I am sitting by. Maybe I have a couple of anger problems.

If you live in Wisconsin, I am guess that it is warm and sunny where you are, too, and I would honestly recommend spending some time outdoors. Now, I must go salute spring.

Happy Spring and Easter and everything else!!

Love ya!


The Sudden Insecurity

I know that I am a good looking person. It is fact that I have nice eyes and nice teeth and my nose isn’t too obtrusive in the grand scheme of my face. I know that my body is just fine. It is fact that my freckles and stretch marks and scars do nothing more than define me and that my curves make me who I am. I know that I am physically attractive, though not conventionally. It is fact that I am, in truth, not overweight, ugly, or disgusting.

But everyone battles with insecurity sometimes. There will always be a time in your life when all you want to do is change who you are so people don’t see the things that make you uncomfortable. And this is especially true in a society that will tell me that the previous paragraph was a lie and that I am not attractive. This is so ridiculous.

I recently gained some weight. Not too much, but with my lack of exercise, enough to cause two rather unsightly stretch marks appear on my previously unblemished stomach. Yes, I do blame myself. I eat whatever I want whenever I want because I am a teenager and impulsive along with somehow always hungry.

This could end up being detrimental at some point if I do not start working out again. I realize that I am out of shape due to sports injuries and the like. But we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about insecurity

I think the main problem is that, shortly after these marks appeared, I started doubting my attractiveness as a person, disregarding the fact that, regardless of what my body looks like, I am kind of ridiculously awesome. I am intelligent, creative, adventurous, and many other things.

But, see? Even my strong-willed self allowed mainstream media to dictate to me what should be attractive. I began dressing in even baggier clothing (and no one thought that was possible) to a point where I looked like less of a comfort-freak and more of a slob. I began wearing make-up again, which took away the power of my motion to be beautiful without conformity. And again, I began worrying more about what people thought when they looked at me rather than what they thought when they  listened to me.

In summation, I devolved back into the person I was last year, who was insecure, depressed, and uncomfortable in her own skin. In just two silly little blemishes on my skin, I allowed myself to believe that I was no longer good enough as myself, which set back over six months of work I had done to prove the contrary.

And the problem was that I didn’t even realize I had let this happen until one morning when I asked my mom to wake me up an hour and a half before a meeting at my school so that I could look presentable to the mini-masses. I showered, shaved my legs and armpits almost compulsively, dressed nicely, made sure my hair was perfect, and then spent twenty minutes on makeup that would only be seen for half an hour before I returned home and went back to bed.

This is a problem. I am not saying that taking a long time on your appearance is a bad thing or that wearing make-up and looking nice is detrimental to anybody. I am saying that it was detrimental to me, not because I did those things, but because I felt like I had to do those things in order to be good enough for society.

And despite the effort I put into my looks that day, I still squirmed with discomfort when people looked at me because I felt ugly and disgusting.

And then I spent 9 days in the cities, and was reminded by all of the wonderful people that I know there that I am beautiful and that my body is a glorious thing, regardless of not fitting into social norms. I wore makeup that week only because it was fun, and I dressed how I wanted to because it was my choice of how wanted to portray myself to the world. I took a step back and just looked at myself. I realized that I do have a problem and that problem is allowing insecurity to define myself and my experiences.

I am a good person who wants to experience her life as a good thing. I cannot do that if I am constantly worrying about how the world looks at me. I have to cast that off so that I can begin worrying about how I look at the world. I have to accept who I am so that I can not only accept but cherish everyone and everything else.

We cannot find peace or make it with others if we cannot make it with ourselves. This isn’t my sudden change. This will take work again. This is just a realization, and I do know there are things that I could change, starting with working out again. But this is still me, and I am still beautiful.

So this is me, in body. Regardless of your opinion of this body I have, I can only hope that you stick around for the soul part of me, because that’s where it really gets interesting.

photo (1) photo

Love ya!

The Desire to Go Camping

There is nothing I would love more right now than to be floating in warm-ish water by a beach on a beautiful camping trip. 

I have been thinking about this place called ‘Eagle Point’. It is located in Cumberland, Wisconsin, and you guys may or may not know that I went there with an exchange student and his family and my gay boyfriend (wink wink) last summer. It’s this absolutely marvelous campground that has shower facilities but still holds that breathtaking air of not being a house or apartment or city life.

It’s just nice, okay? So you pay around 25 dollars for a lot and set up camp on this beautiful hill. Once you’re all settled in, you walk down the hill and there’s this path that you follow through the trees. It’s a well-walked path and the only way you can get lost is if you’re an idiot. 

It’s a very long path, though, and you follow it all the way out to ‘the point’ which is basically this little sandbar next to the water. There’s another sand bar about 50 meters off that you can walk to without going more than knee deep in sun-warmed water, but if you go off to either side of that straight line, the water gets deep and cold and fresh. It’s pretty much glorious.

If you trace your steps back up the trail just a little ways, there’s this big cement bonfire pit RIGHT next to the water with a clearing that up to 30 people could fit in. it’s hard dirt ground with a layer of sand, so it feels like a non-sinky beach. The forest is full of broken wood and people leave paper-based garbage in the fire pit a lot, so if you have a lighter, you have a fire.

I remember waking up super early in the morning when I went. It was freezing balls because it was spring, not summer, and it was very windy. The three of us walked down to the fire pit and started a fire and then went swimming in our underwear.

We ate dry cereal and drank off-brand soda and then hung my Budweiser boxers on a hand-made flag pole and declared this to be our summer home. It was marvelous. We returned from camping with tangled hair, sandy clothes, and smiles on our faces.

I have been thinking about camping all of the time and I cannot wait for summer days spent chilling by the lake and (very cliche line coming up here) sipping lemonade. The exchange student that I went with last year is coming back in July and we’re making plans to revisit Eagle Point.

I am also excited because Lex and I are talking about spending a weekend together and doing it camping at Eagle Point, which would be glorious. So yes, it’s only March and snow is still on the ground, but I have joined the masses of people who think Spring needs to be around this next corner and not a month from now.

Please and thank you, for my own peace of mind and my pale skin. Because damn, we Irishmen get PALE in the winter.

Love ya!

The Cutest Girl and Becoming More Open

Okay, so there’s this girl. And she is just so cute. And I want to flirt with her and be all cheesy and stuff but I feel intimidated because when she flirts it is just the cutest and most classy flirting ever and I feel like just coming out and saying: ‘I want to kiss your face a lot’ isn’t going to work well for me.

Or maybe it would but I’m just too shy.

What we’re here to talk about today is my sexuality, because it is something I haven’t necessarily addressed but I think you guys all know what’s up on that level. Hello, I am Telea, and I do not allow sex or gender to define the person that I crush on/love. It’s really easy to just label me as Bisexual because that is a term most people can understand, but I don’t feel as if it fully covers who I am.

Why we’re talking about this is because I had forgotten that almost nobody I knew was actually sure about who I liked and ‘what team I was playing for’, and then I posted a status asking how to flirt with a cute girl and people went a little bit crazy.

Now, there have always been rumors that I, Telea, am a big fan of the female anatomy and nothing but. However, though it is true that I do love me some women, I also love me some everything else. Well, I mean, human-wise.

So I decided recently that I was just going to be open about the fact that I am attracted to who I am attracted to, regardless of gender, sex (yes, those are two different things, in case some of you didn’t know that), weight, age (I mean, to an extent), race, height, looks, or any other physically defining factor.

Yes, I will admit that I am a sucker for really nice butts and I am not the only person in the world who does not recognize good-looking people. Like, oh my gosh, I recognize them and I salute them. But the point I would make is that my idea of what an attractive person is has a much wider variety than what television and media shows us is attractive.

For example, I generally would rather date a girl who was 250 pounds and a little chubby but ate right and had respect for herself than a 120 pound gorgeously-built athlete who vastly restricted her diet and thought that she wasn’t good enough.

I would rather date a ‘heavy-set’ dude who was funny and intelligent than an abular babe-like beach body who really didn’t have much going for him. 

I think the biggest problem in society is that we as a society have set unreachable standards that beautiful people feel they cannot fit into. People kill themselves trying to conform to these standards to be the vision of attractiveness when really, is it just me, or would I make out with all of you?

So now that I’m just about finished with my little rant on beauty, I want to let you know that I would probably think you were beautiful if you possessed a few simple characteristics. 

1. You are intelligent. Intelligence is like, this gigantic turn-on for me, and I would like to mention that school should pay you to be highly educated because damn, intelligence is dwindling and I can’t get me no stupid life mate. It’s just not gonna work.

2. You have a sense of humor. This isn’t necessary to me liking someone, but I am a total goofball and I make a lot of smart jokes and I make a lot of really stupid jokes and it would work so much better if you understood/laughed at/made those jokes.

3. You are loving and accepting of everyone who deserves love and acceptance. This is HUGE. I do not condone Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, or any other kind of hate against people that you find to be ‘different’ from you. People are people, and a good person can come in all shapes, sizes, sexes, races, sexualities, genders, etc. 

4. You eat good food. I don’t care if you’re thin or fat or anything as long as you have a healthy diet. Junk food is awesome but I can’t get diggety-down with someone who eats it all the time because I will always be fearing for their health. It’s true that I am a sucker for high-calorie things like pizza (Oh my, I could really go for some of that right now), french fries, ice cream, etc, but I infuse my diet with tons of fresh fruit, vegetables, yogurt, etc. It’s basically a taking care of yourself thing. If you can’t respect your body and treat it right, I can’t really respect you as much. This also means that keeping your body clean is awesome. You don’t have to shave or put on fragrance, just stay clean.

5. Last but not least, I am so into people who can snuggle really well. I mean, snuggling is key in any relationship. Snuggling makes everything feel so much better and since anyone and everyone can snuggle, I just go for the people that have talent at it. Which is a LOT of people.

So, I guess my ideal mate is smart, funny, accepting, , smells good/is clean, eats good food, and snuggles. Oh, and likes adventures. They have to have a sense of adventure. Other than that, I don’t care if you’re a fat gamer nerd or a skinny porn addict (but I mean, you have to like me more than porn). It just doesn’t matter. Love is love and should not be tampered with or categorized.

So there’s my rant about my sexuality, which turned into me telling you that you’re probably all beautiful and please love me.

I’m off to go figure out how to flirt with this girl and maybe sell my body for enough money to buy her nice things.

Love ya!

The Cold Body

No, I didn’t kill anybody, I’m just posting this while sitting at my computer desk which just so happens to exist next to one of the draftiest windows in the house. It’s a serious problem and my knees are prickling with new hair as the follicles sway in the breeze and cause my freshly shaved legs to go straight back to their previous, Chewbacca-esque, state. Oh, god, that sounds pretty gross.

I am also coming down with a cold, so the title makes more sense than cool whip. 

I would like to give a shout-out to my two new lovely followers, who both followed me in the last 24 hours. I don’t know why you do the foolish things you do, but I appreciate that you do them and I hope you enjoy my blog for days to come (I don’t have high expectations of you or me).

Today, I woke up very early to head over to my local school for my weekly meeting with my LEG. I leave my leg at school because it likes some separation and thinks I can cope on my own without it. Needless to say, the leg that has committed to me is far more muscular.

No, but a LEG is basically the person who assists you on the path to success when you’re taking virtual classes. I have to meet with her every week for her to tell me how far behind I am and how bad I’m doing and how I suck at life. They call this constructive criticism or ‘positive reinforcement’. I call it…

Please hold while I come up with something witty.

Okay, not going to happen. I think my plan for the day is to take a nap (yes, right now) and then do some assignments so I don’t get the mid-day phone call of disappointment. Or email. The devil uses email now.

Okay, so it’s not actually that bad and if I’m going to be talking about anyone actually harassing me about classes, it is my mother. She has just brought up the fact that she believes that if I’m not doing school, life is a constant party. I don’t quite know how that makes sense, but it was a lead-up to:

“If you’re not doing school all day today, you’re going to shovel snow all day, because you are not allowed to sleep off a cold or post a blog until you graduate from high school, college, and grad school.”

Or something along those lines. But I am going to go eat some food and then take a nap (because I am eighteen years old and I know that my functionality is at an all-time low when I’m getting some sleep but not enough. Really, I would rather go back to my five months per year as a terrible insomniac than deal with 4 hours a night) because you’re not the boss of me now and you’re not so big.

Life is unfaiiirrrrr. Wink.

Love ya!

Missing Minneapolis and Love Withdrawals

Wowowowow. I am feeling so many feelings right now. It has been two days since I left lovely Minneapolis and I am feeling like a pile of sadness. I don’t know whether it’s the hustle-bustle, the people I meet, or the experiences I have, but I get so filled with energy and excitement and love when I am in Minneapolis.

And since those things are naturally-occurring drugs in your body, when you return to a boring house in the middle of the countryside sitting in front of a computer for eight hours as you update various blogs and do school, you may experience serious withdrawals.

Which is what I’m having right now. Super hardcore. I pulled up a picture of the Minneapolis skyline a couple of minutes ago and literally burst into tears. It was the same when one of my friends sent me a message saying they missed and and telling me I should just live in Minneapolis.

Maybe I would act the same in any big city situation where I got to meet wonderful and attractive people and spend time just living for happiness…or maybe it’s actually a Minneapolis thing. Either way, I would rather spend today laying in my bed thinking about last week than doing anything actually productive.

Sad day, sad day. On a bright note, I have my Ipod fully configured and can now text when I have wifi and stuff, which is a huge step up from my absolute lack of any hand-held technology. Hopefully this one doesn’t die on me like every other device I’ve ever owned in my entire lifetime.

Anyway, it’s off to make mommy and daddy proud by submitting some good homework and then taking a nap (maybe the latter wouldn’t make them proud, but it would make me damn happy, so shut it).

As far as returning to Minneapolis, I will be doing so as soon as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I love the country air and all of the free space and especially the water, but I need more people and more experiences than I can get living way out here, eight miles from the nearest actually populated town.

I hope you guys are having a great day. 

Love ya!

Awkward ‘Hello Again’ and the Trip

Okay, so in my defense, I didn’t really have access to a computer while I was gone on my trip of wonder to Minneapolis. There is so much to say, and my inspiration to say it is probably around zero.

I am just terrible. Okay, so I went to a Lindsey Stirling concert with my friend Laura, which was absolutely divine. I went clubbing a few times, went to the mall a few times, found an Ipod, chilled with friends, and just returned home to Rural Wisconsin yesterday, to be fondly reunited with this silly thing you guys call ‘the internet’.

I also got talked into making an ‘OKCupid’ account, which is more popular than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I am getting bombarded by messages and it’s cute but also lame. I  put up that I wanted just friendship, but the jokes about what they would do with their nether-regions to my nether-regions if our collective nether-regions were within a certain amount of distance from each other….those aren’t cool.

So basically, I had a great time, met some really cool people, lost a cell phone, found some new technology, snuggled with good-smelling people, ate a TON of pizza, and went out a lot. It was very nice, but now I’m back and struggling to re-introduce myself to the blogging life-style.

This last break was the longest I have ever spent away from this dear blog, and it feels strange. 

Anyway, I’m gonna go to sleep again, but I hope you guys forgive me and are also having an excellent time with all of your lives.

Love ya!