Okay, I have a love. More like an obsession. I love Blink 182. It doesn’t matter what music of theirs you’re listening to, it’s all good. Whether you’re a fan of the Album Flyswatter (Circa 1992) or you like the new stuff (i.e Neighborhoods, circa 2011), they have enough good music to give me the chills. What I do is just look up all of their songs on youtube and make a playlist, put on my headphones (and I mean legitimate, two plug, cover-your-ears, soundblasting headphones, not those little Itunes ones), and then I get swept away by their beautiful melodies.
Am I in love with music? I think I’ve stated this so many times before that it is not really necessary for me to say that if you had the chance to peer into the deep dark confines of my mind and soul, you would find music there, blaring louder than a rock concert, drowning all of my pains, fears, and troubles as much as it can. I still felt like saying it.
Last night I didn’t get to sleep until almost 2, and I had to sleep on my back, because I had gobs of make-up on my face. Why? Because the thing about all of this is, is that it’s STILL Winter Carnival, and today is School Spirit day. I go all out, like for legitimately. If you win best-dressed, you get a T-shirt, and guess who’s gotten a free T-shirt for every single Winter Carnival and Homecoming on School Spirit Day?
No, not Fonzie. Telea. Soooo, my face is coated in green, yellow, and gold, and then my hair is green and yellow, and my clothes are…well, ridiculous. I’m gonna win, and if I don’t, I may quit school.After school, I have play practice, and then, instead of having a total good time, I get to go home and spend time with my father. Ohhh joyyy. It’s actually not that bad, but there was a basketball game I wanted to (needed to) go to. Plans change, moving on.
I’m not doing the news today, though I know you love it oh-so-much. Just think of it this way, I let you in to my hella cool life, you don’t need to know news, you need to know Telea!
“No, Telea. We want the news.”
Well, you can’t have it, so shove THAT in your juice box and SUCK IT!
Let’s do a list of five…
Five kinds of people you don’t ever want to run into, and how to avoid them.
1. The Talkative Cat Lady. She smells like cat urine, she’s always at your dry-cleaner or Laundromat, but she never seems to really wash anything. She’ll chat you up, telling you about Fifi and Piper and Looloo and Burgess and Helli and Gem and Sandre and Nutter and Felix and Darkin and Missy and Bells and Caboodle. Then, she’ll give you a big, cat hair-filled hug and go on her way, unless you go first. You would do anything to avoid talking to her (and touching her), but she just looks so sad…you have to. Here’s what you have to remember: She thinks cats are like people, so she’s not alone at all. Tell her you’re allergic to cats or that you can’t talk about them because you’re feeling so much grief over the passing of your dearest Boris. That’ll shut her up.
2. The ‘I’m richer and more successful than you’ guy.
“Oh hey, I hear you just got a pay raise? Well, I just got promoted to General Manager, so it looks like you’re working for me now!”
“Ohh, your dog died? I don’t get that, because my dog is a high-class robot who knows how to cook, clean, and not shed on the carpet.”
Get it? I do. They’re cocky sons-of-bitches. The way to avoid contact with these people is to lie. A lot. Tell them you don’t care about their riches, and that they can go suck your dick, which is probably larger than theirs.
3. Slacker Steve or Sally. Most commonly found in the way of things that need to get the fuck done. You’ll ask: “Hey, Steve/Sally, wanna help me with this?”
To which they will reply: “You know, I’m going through a really rough time right now, can I take five minutes for myself?
Solution? Do less than them, then blame the non-productivity on them. They will become indignant and work harder. Or you could train them with doggie biscuits or maybe cinnamon discs.
5. Complaining Chad. He/she always has something to bitch and whine about. Do I even need to go further into who this is, or do you purdy much get it? Piss and moan, piss and moan, piss and moan.
‘HEY LADY, I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS! WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS? I’M NOT YOUR FREAKING THERAPIST!”
They’ll cry, and then leave you alone.
5. Telea. You don’t want to run into her, because chances are, you’ll be intimidated by how awesome she is. The fact is that everyone feels inferior to someone, and in this case, you all probably feel inferior to me. How to avoid me:
Do all of the things listed above. For serious. I will either walk away or snap your neck.