Monthly Archives: February 2012

SNOW DAY! (Oh god, what a cliche blog title)

Just a list of 5 things you could do on a Snow Day, since I’m too lazy to post a blog and dad’s in quite a mood.

1. Go make a snow angel, and then kill it. No one likes angels, just go watch Supernatural for a while. They’re douchebags. So, don’t bring them into creation just because they’re purdy.

2. Build a snow-frog. You know, like a snow-man, except it’s a frog, and bigger. My father did this today, and it was quite impressive. Build something artistic, at least, because that’s what real people do.

3. Shovel. This is something that no one likes doing. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone over the age of seven who goes:

“YES! It’s snowing! Let’s go SHOVEL!”

It doesn’t happen. Especially when I have a hurt back. Now, my father is yelling because I didn’t shovel snow. Well, frankly, I couldn’t help it. The weight of the heavy snow along with the bend and twist you have to do every time you scoop up a new load of God’s poop is just too painful.

4. Lay inside and watch Supernatural or How I Met Your Mother all day. No, you don’t get other choices. Those are the programs you are allowed to watch, end of discussion.

5. Wonder if this huge snowstorm was brought on by natural events or by the fact that it’s a leap-day. Is this a sign? Is the world really going to end? You really have to think about these things, I mean…with the end of the world coming up in like, 9 months and then this going on…I don’t know, man, it bodes ill.

That could be just superstitious me…or not me at all, since I don’t believe the world is going to end…but come on, it is a little fishy, is it not?

Okay, that’s all for today.

Love ya!


We’ve only got 5 minutes to post a blog!

Yes, yes, yes, my dears, I was distracted with browsing for free stuff and I completely forgot about my obligation to you wonderfluffle people that I care about sooo much. Needless to say, this blog post may end up on the ‘short and sweet’ side, but hey, at least I’m still almost quality, yeah?

Okay, so I dressed up today. I’ve been doing the doll make-up, with eyeliner on the outer sides of my eyes and not in the inner corners. Then some bright red lipstick and my face is good to go. Specifically today, I’m wearing a very nice pair of pigtails, which I just so happen to adore. My hair is getting so much longer! It’s any exciting thing. But you didn’t come here to hear about how absolutely hot I look, so on to business!

I’ve gotten a couple of questions from a few of my friends who know me really well, and they ask me how I can maintain such a generally upbeat blog when my life sometimes sucks so much. This was almost in direct reference to the day I hurt my back and managed to make a very amusing story out of it. Basically, they are looking for inspiration as to how to stay upbeat even on your worst days.

So, that’s what my list of 5 is about today, and the official title is…

Wait for it…

5 ways to stay upbeat on absolutely shit days.

1. Sing. Of course, this only works for people who love music, and if you can’t sing well (and I mean if you sing like total shit), I suggest you sing quietly to yourself or belt it out where no one can hear you, because you don’t want other peoples’ days ruined, now do you?

2. Ignore what’s getting you down. If you’re trying to have a productive day, and your thoughts are getting in the way, just shove them away for when you get home to your gallon of chocolate chip ice cream and pillow to cry into. What? You’re lactose intolerant, you say? Well, you’re pretty much screwed on this one.

3. Change your appearance that day. If you wake up feeling like you have nothing to live for and you wish you weren’t you…adopt a new look or personality trait for the day. Though this may confuse some of your peers (and I suggest you don’t go too extreme), it may be a great way to get out of your life a little.

4. Wear your favourite comfort clothing. There’s nothing better than wearing something that makes your body go ‘OOhh, that’s good.’ Trust me, when I’m down, I slip into my XXL Wisconsin Badgers shirt and my Budweiser boxers.

5. Pretend, pretend, pretend. Just fake it. Fake fake fake. Smile pretty.

Lova ya!

Ohhh, what a beautiful mooorrrrnninnnggg! (Ironically published at night)


NOT the real lyrics…but only slightly deviated. Children, I feel tired. I feel satisfied, and ridiculously accomplished, but very, VERY tired.

I once again woke up mega-early (like 6) and got in the shower. Then, AGAIN I got a terrible nosebleed. Just awful. My nose literally didn’t stop bleeding for the entirety of my shower, which happened to last almost 45 minutes today, due to the fact that I have been neglecting shaving my legs. Sooo, now I feel all gross and light-headed, and also confused and dizzy. Why is my nose bleeding in copious amounts? What did I do to deserve this bloody wrath?

Moving on, today was a decent day. Other than my nosebleed, the fact that the Iphone I got in the mail is a pile, and I’m slowly (or really quickly, actually) losing my voice…

I am now processing Iphone firmware to re-unlock the shit job that was done. Oh, and I don’t get ANY apps. Call it a send-back, because I got screwed.¬† SO, here I am complaining instead of making beautiful comedy (unless, of course, you find my pain, disappointment, wrath, bad luck, and anger funny…which a lot of people do).

Our comedy for the day…is…a list of five weird things I do when I’m really angry or sad…

1. I scrunch up my face and then ram it into my couch. The scrunching is so that I’ll get wrinkles sooner, and the couch is just an excuse not to hit my face on something much harder and more painful…like a wall of broken diamonds.

2. I hide under my bed with my Gameboy and go back to the good old days when my only worry was beating Super Mario. Oh come, on, you’re not feeling that Mario vibe? Fine, then let’s Pokemon Silver the shit out of the old days.

3. I scream lyrics to the sky. Actually, this is less uncommon. This is like, something tons of people do. But the difference is…I find it most relieving when I’m in my skivvies running through a thunderstorm. Didn’t see that coming, didja?

4. I sit in my big old maple tree and talk to it…yes, like it’s a real person. I even pretend it offers me wisdom. One time, I tried sleeping in it. I, of course, fell out, but in my dreams, the great maple told me it was okay. Hey, I’m not wacky, that was when I was like, 10…but yes, I still talk to my tree.

5. I marathon one band’s music for hours. Literally, hours. I don’t give up on it. I will go until my ears bleed, and I will go even if their music sucks balls (i.e. Muse). If it’s who I’ve picked, it’s who I’m going with. Though, my general choices are Flogging Molly or Blink 182.

Update: I’m sending this POS back to it’s owner and getting an Ipod touch. Yes, that’s right, I did just give up. What of it?

Love ya!

100 posts, baby!

This blog post has no point, except to say how goddamn excited I’m that I just hit 100 posts. I honestly never thought that I would get to this point, but it gives me this hope. Let me explain. By posting all of these words on here in the past however many months, and not giving up, I am slowly proving that I would be able to put in the devotion to writing my own book. Maybe an autobiography of my awesome life. Haha!

Remember that it does take a lot of work to get to this point, and even more work to keep going after this. I mean, this was my goal. 100 blog posts in as long as it took me to write them. Well, now, I have a new goal. 1 year or 500 posts, whichever comes first, which, at this rate, will probably be the 1 year. But, I promise you, my loyal fans, that this will not be the last you have seen of wonderful Telea the blogger.

Okay, so, this is a really short post…even though I was considering doing something spectacular for my 100th blog posts…

I would like to thank everyone that has supported and followed me, because it really means loads to me. Like, you don’t even know.

My list of 5 today is…

The 5 things I have gotten out of blogging.

1. Better writing skills. Yeah, I was great already, but I really feel as if I’m growing a lot through all of this.

2. Confidence. I mean, come on, 31 people following me? That’s (sadly) lifechanging for me. The fact that so many people want to read my blog…it almost puts me in tears, no matter how much I complain about you guys.

3. A feeling of accomplishment. Every time I came back to this site, every single time I looked at stats and posted a new blog post, I felt as if I had done something. Something that maybe wasn’t big or beautiful or amazing, but it was mine, and something I could share with everyone, but have it still be me.

4. Commitment. You may or may not know that I’m really not good at committing to anything, but this is different. This is really cool.

5. Friends. I’ve met fellow bloggers (most importantly Sheena and Lexi), and they’ve inspired me and made me feel special (especially Lexi. Dude, Lexi, text me). Gotta love having friends.

I could actually make a much longer list than this, but those are the most important ones.

Love ya!

It’s not okay until I say it’s okay! Okay, it’s okay.

Hey guys, here I am blogging on a Saturday, proving yet again that I have no life whatsoever, but…moving on. We are just gonna talk it out today, as we do most other days, but there will be one teensie-weensie little change…

I’ll be blogging on a freaking Saturday!

Again, mooooooving on! Today was one of those days where I woke up from my short catnap (8am-12pm) and spent half an hour laying there deciding if I actually wanted to get up or not. You know those day, when the bed is so comfy and you’re sooo tired.

Obviously, I got up. Or not so obviously, considering you didn’t know that I don’t have a laptop (or did you?). I don’t actually have inspiration today, as it’s been for a few weeks, but I love gracing you guys with the constant assurance that I am a good writer and that I love you, too.

Soo, the story for today is stickers. You may not know what I’m talking about, but you will. Ohhh-ho-ho, you will.

Last night, in a crazy frenzy, I signed up for every single Fancorps fan site that was available. You know, for some free swag. You know how mama likes her free stuff, eh? I come across these two fan pages that are sending out free 5-packs of stickers, yeah? And so I look to see if there’s a limit…and there’s not…and so I order 650 packs of 5 MTS stickers and then 700 packs of 10 Skyfox stickers. AM I FUCKING INSANE? Yes, yes I am. But relax, because I have¬† plan. A really good plan.

FREE STICKERS FOR EVERYONE! We’ll see how we work it out when it gets here (if it actually ships) and then I’ll let you know.

Today’s list of 5 is titled:

5 things you can do with over 5000 stickers

1. Plaster your bedroom walls. make it classy, like band stickers, you know? Except they all say the same thing…so you may just look manic-obsessive.

2. Go to a mall and give them to people. Or sell them for a penny each. You could make a few bucks.

3. Surprise sticker attack one of your friends…or a total stranger. The second one is WAYYYY funnier.

4. Make art out of them. Like…a lampshade. Or a condom.

5. Use them like tape to stick stuff up on your walls. Pretty sweet.

Okay, this was a really short blog, but you need to get over that already.

Love ya!

Blink, and 182 seconds may have gone by.

Okay, I have a love. More like an obsession. I love Blink 182. It doesn’t matter what music of theirs you’re listening to, it’s all good. Whether you’re a fan of the Album Flyswatter (Circa 1992) or you like the new stuff (i.e Neighborhoods, circa 2011), they have enough good music to give me the chills. What I do is just look up all of their songs on youtube and make a playlist, put on my headphones (and I mean legitimate, two plug, cover-your-ears, soundblasting headphones, not those little Itunes ones), and then I get swept away by their beautiful melodies.

Am I in love with music? I think I’ve stated this so many times before that it is not really necessary for me to say that if you had the chance to peer into the deep dark confines of my mind and soul, you would find music there, blaring louder than a rock concert, drowning all of my pains, fears, and troubles as much as it can. I still felt like saying it.

Last night I didn’t get to sleep until almost 2, and I had to sleep on my back, because I had gobs of make-up on my face. Why? Because the thing about all of this is, is that it’s STILL Winter Carnival, and today is School Spirit day. I go all out, like for legitimately. If you win best-dressed, you get a T-shirt, and guess who’s gotten a free T-shirt for every single Winter Carnival and Homecoming on School Spirit Day?

No, not Fonzie. Telea. Soooo, my face is coated in green, yellow, and gold, and then my hair is green and yellow, and my clothes are…well, ridiculous. I’m gonna win, and if I don’t, I may quit school.After school, I have play practice, and then, instead of having a total good time, I get to go home and spend time with my father. Ohhh joyyy. It’s actually not that bad, but there was a basketball game I wanted to (needed to) go to. Plans change, moving on.

I’m not doing the news today, though I know you love it oh-so-much. Just think of it this way, I let you in to my hella cool life, you don’t need to know news, you need to know Telea!

“No, Telea. We want the news.”

Well, you can’t have it, so shove THAT in your juice box and SUCK IT!

Let’s do a list of five…

Five kinds of people you don’t ever want to run into, and how to avoid them.

1. The Talkative Cat Lady. She smells like cat urine, she’s always at your dry-cleaner or Laundromat, but she never seems to really wash anything. She’ll chat you up, telling you about Fifi and Piper and Looloo and Burgess and Helli and Gem and Sandre and Nutter and Felix and Darkin and Missy and Bells and Caboodle. Then, she’ll give you a big, cat hair-filled hug and go on her way, unless you go first. You would do anything to avoid talking to her (and touching her), but she just looks so sad…you have to. Here’s what you have to remember: She thinks cats are like people, so she’s not alone at all. Tell her you’re allergic to cats or that you can’t talk about them because you’re feeling so much grief over the passing of your dearest Boris. That’ll shut her up.

2. The ‘I’m richer and more successful than you’ guy.

“Oh hey, I hear you just got a pay raise? Well, I just got promoted to General Manager, so it looks like you’re working for me now!”

“Ohh, your dog died? I don’t get that, because my dog is a high-class robot who knows how to cook, clean, and not shed on the carpet.”

Get it? I do. They’re cocky sons-of-bitches. The way to avoid contact with these people is to lie. A lot. Tell them you don’t care about their riches, and that they can go suck your dick, which is probably larger than theirs.

3. Slacker Steve or Sally. Most commonly found in the way of things that need to get the fuck done. You’ll ask: “Hey, Steve/Sally, wanna help me with this?”

To which they will reply: “You know, I’m going through a really rough time right now, can I take five minutes for myself?

Solution? Do less than them, then blame the non-productivity on them. They will become indignant and work harder. Or you could train them with doggie biscuits or maybe cinnamon discs.

5. Complaining Chad. He/she always has something to bitch and whine about. Do I even need to go further into who this is, or do you purdy much get it? Piss and moan, piss and moan, piss and moan.


They’ll cry, and then leave you alone.

5. Telea. You don’t want to run into her, because chances are, you’ll be intimidated by how awesome she is. The fact is that everyone feels inferior to someone, and in this case, you all probably feel inferior to me. How to avoid me:

Do all of the things listed above. For serious. I will either walk away or snap your neck.

Okay, done.


I am what I buy: An Iphone 3G and a Prom Dress

So, I’m a dress with awesome app. capabilities? I can take that! Dude, I’m so excited, I’ll be getting four packages in the mail, and they will have everything I need to survive!

First off, an Iphone 3G, completely unlocked, 8 gb, and what does this mean?! SKYPING AND MUSIC, BITCHES!

Then, we go all legit and earn enough points to redeem for a free 50 pack of condoms and a T-shirt!

THEN!!! A prom dress. An assumed beautiful prom dress. I think it’ll be great. SAAAAAOOO GREAT!

Okay, now that we’re done with that! Let’s move on to interesting and pure topics, such as Stem Cell Research and finding a cure for Breast Cancer.

Just kidding. Though those are both honourable trades, this is not a medical journal and should not be treated as such. So, if you need a diagnosis, I’m just gonna say, go to a doctor, because the only thing I can prescribe you is another big dose of my blog.

I don’t have a topic or anything, so I’m just winging it like a bird without wings…or something along those lines. I’m really proud, because I’m pretty sure I might possibly reach 20 posts this month, which would officially pull me out of my downward slump, which would be really great. I can’t guarantee anything, but I can say that Telea is a like a bird of paradise…she’s heaven.


I’m too filled with excitement and glomp to create any good metaphors, and this is a good thing, because over the past few days, I’ve actually been rather sad and depressed and sad…and depressed. It’s a long story, and I’m still feeling like the world might end (it is 2012, after all), but things clear up when you wake up one morning and treat yourself to a big dose of Christmas Spirit…right in the middle of February.

Of course, that’s a lot of money out of my pocket that I could have used on Pull Tabs or to go to College, but all of that is inconsequential anyway if my main plan in life is to sit in my parents’ basement and blog all the time. Also, I don’t plan on making any money, because this blog isn’t a money-maker, so I plan on being a poor, good-smelling hobo in my parents’ musty basement (that just so happens to flood every time there’s a drizzle).


Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?


That was incredibly lame, and if you’re actually giggling…I salute you. Because this means that you still have an 8 year old boy or girl in you, who takes every possible chance to get out. It’s generally a really good time, yeah? Yes’m!

My list of five is…


1. Never stop thinking the sandbox is awesome. The sandbox IS awesome, fun for all ages, and really really awesome. It’s like, so many different things, and yes, I realize that you’ve realized as you grew up that feral cats may have hidden their excrement in there, which gives you a higher risk for Toxoplasmosis…but it’s all good, because little kids don’t know that.

2. Skip. It is important to embarrass yourself on a daily basis anyway, so why not do it in a way that suggests you still have a little bit of your childish charm, yeah?

3. For runners, instead of going on the classic run, get together with other running buddies and play two-mile tag. This mixes the fun of little kids and the drive of running. It’ll make you laugh, make you push yourself harder, and generally make you have a really freaking good time.

4. Don’t be afraid of dying laughing. If someone says something that REALLY amuses you, show it. We all know that little kids have much less self-control than the average human, and you need to just let loose and go.

5. Drink an anti-growth serum that causes you to remain permanantly locked in a child’s body forever. Another one could be travel off to never-never land. You could just die a child, so technically, you would have been a child for as long as you lived.

The point is, don’t let yourself fully grow up, ever. I’m not saying to do the whole ‘I’m an angsty teen’ thing all over again, because, oh my god, I’m so sick of it, but just…have a little fun, okay?


Love ya!