Tag Archives: excuses

Finding a Place in 2013 and I HAVE STUFF TO DO

It’s hard to breathe in 2013, what with all of the new flying cars and junk that they promised us years ago suddenly making a very strange and rather instantaneous appearance. I’ve been away with the Doctor trying to fix a tear in the Time Continuum, but I’m back now as it’s the fourth, and it’s time to get back to my life, as depressing as that is.

When you’ve seen the stars…when you’ve seen the sun explode and consume your earth five billion years into the future, how can you even think that you’re going to lead a normal life? You’re not.

Now that I’m done with my fantasy excuses, here are some real ones, worked up by the mind of Telea herself in the dire situation that she ignores her blog for an entire five days and doesn’t tell anyone what she’s been doing.

1. “I had a thing.” We all know that vague is best. It keeps the mystery in the reasons why you were gone instead of just giving the blunt truth. To sweeten the pot of this excuse, you must realize people will be wondering what your ‘thing’ was, and they may not realize that, in some case, you actually had a thing and you required it removed or exterminated. Now you’re really wondering, aren’t you?

2. “I was working on your present.” This is one I don’t use much, mostly because then the person I used the excuse on would think that I actually had a present for them, and that’s not good news in the least.

3. “I had a really intense bowel movement.” This is the worst possible excuse to use when you’ve been gone for more than an hour, and shouldn’t be used in blogging at all. If you’ve been gone for five days and you come back saying you had an intense bowel movement, people are going to imagine things. Horrible things.

4. “It’s a long story.” The only real problem with this one is that 90 percent of people will say something along the lines of “I have time”. The problem with that is that you’re one of two people. You’re the person using the excuse because you have nothing better to say, or you’re the person that actually has a really long story. You’re either going to look stupid or be talking for the next two hours.\

5. “I HAD STUFF TO DO.” This line is only different from the other in one way. You can repeat it over and over and over without any further explanation. Twenty Percent percent (or 2) of your friends will get the joke and actually repeat it with you. That’s only in the case that you’re Telea. The other 60 percent (or 4) of your friends will get pissed off and either change the subject or walk away.

So I guess the question of the day is: What are you changing the subject to?

No, but really, the real question of the day is: What’s a common vague excuse you make?

Love ya!


Being a Writer and Being Easily Distracted Equals Disaster

So, we are on day 7 of NaNoWriMo, and I am currently just a little ahead of schedule on the writing, which comes as a surprise to everyone considering how easily distracted this young Telea happens to be. Let me explain the problems I have with writing.

Telea’s come in one shape and size and their natural habitat is anywhere that serves bacon and Nutella. A Telea is a very beauty-loving creature, and can turn anything into something of beauty in it’s minds-eye. Research still hasn’t shown how this is humanly possible, so the Telea has now been classified as Semi-Mega-Humanoid. Since Teleas are so good at seeing everything as beautiful or interesting, they are easily distracted; sometimes by a gigantic garden of beautiful lilies, and sometimes by the way their hands move. Sometimes, admittedly, even by a pencil with a string wrapped around it.

Really, the only way to make a Telea focus on anything for any period of time is to either threaten her, reward her with bacon and nutella, or remove EVERYTHING that could be even slightly interesting from her place of residence. This includes the bed, any writing device, and, in dire cases, the ceilings and floors.

A Telea is an internet omnivore. What this means is that even if you block sites like Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, NaNoWriMo, gaming sites etc. from her computer, she will still be entertained by it, either by finding new websites or simply spending an hour and a half discovering a proxy that will nullify all of your blocks anyway.

A Telea is also incredibly witty and intelligent. You must be careful what you say or do, because a simple comment such as: “This is a formal party, you have to keep it Low-Key.”

Will, in seconds, end in her throwing tables, screaming: “KEEP IT LOKI? I CAN DO THAT! YOU WERE MADE TO KNEEL, AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU, TOO!”

Teleas do indeed look for every excuse not to get something done, and these excuses are including but not limited to the following five.

1. Teleas will spend long hours on Facebook, making the excuse that ‘So-and-So is really upset and they need me to comfort them. This excuse also applies to ‘Reasons Why you CAN’T Shut Off the Interwebs’.

2. Teleas will always say they have homework to do when something more unsavory than homework comes along, such as cleaning her room, babysitting for free, or eating ranch dressing.

3. Teleas become overly flirtatious when they are making excuses for not getting things done. They seek to distract and enthrall you, but you won’t know that until you’ve just finished paying the check at the local Applebees.

4. Teleas will tell you that they’re ‘going through a hard time’ or ‘struggling’ when they’re really trying to avoid something. They will often camouflage themselves to the situation by bursting into tears, yelling, or slamming doors.

5. Teleas will post blogs for people who don’t read them instead of doing almost anything else. This is, of course, only when Teleas have something else to do. If Teleas needs to post a blog, they will do everything else before doing that if at all Semi-Mega-Humanoidly possible.

That’s it for the day!

Love ya!