It’s hard to breathe in 2013, what with all of the new flying cars and junk that they promised us years ago suddenly making a very strange and rather instantaneous appearance. I’ve been away with the Doctor trying to fix a tear in the Time Continuum, but I’m back now as it’s the fourth, and it’s time to get back to my life, as depressing as that is.
When you’ve seen the stars…when you’ve seen the sun explode and consume your earth five billion years into the future, how can you even think that you’re going to lead a normal life? You’re not.
Now that I’m done with my fantasy excuses, here are some real ones, worked up by the mind of Telea herself in the dire situation that she ignores her blog for an entire five days and doesn’t tell anyone what she’s been doing.
1. “I had a thing.” We all know that vague is best. It keeps the mystery in the reasons why you were gone instead of just giving the blunt truth. To sweeten the pot of this excuse, you must realize people will be wondering what your ‘thing’ was, and they may not realize that, in some case, you actually had a thing and you required it removed or exterminated. Now you’re really wondering, aren’t you?
2. “I was working on your present.” This is one I don’t use much, mostly because then the person I used the excuse on would think that I actually had a present for them, and that’s not good news in the least.
3. “I had a really intense bowel movement.” This is the worst possible excuse to use when you’ve been gone for more than an hour, and shouldn’t be used in blogging at all. If you’ve been gone for five days and you come back saying you had an intense bowel movement, people are going to imagine things. Horrible things.
4. “It’s a long story.” The only real problem with this one is that 90 percent of people will say something along the lines of “I have time”. The problem with that is that you’re one of two people. You’re the person using the excuse because you have nothing better to say, or you’re the person that actually has a really long story. You’re either going to look stupid or be talking for the next two hours.\
5. “I HAD STUFF TO DO.” This line is only different from the other in one way. You can repeat it over and over and over without any further explanation. Twenty Percent percent (or 2) of your friends will get the joke and actually repeat it with you. That’s only in the case that you’re Telea. The other 60 percent (or 4) of your friends will get pissed off and either change the subject or walk away.
So I guess the question of the day is: What are you changing the subject to?
No, but really, the real question of the day is: What’s a common vague excuse you make?