Oi there, babes! I have decided that all of you beautiful people are married to me. I’m taking the phrase ‘married to the job’ a little bit farther. So, congratulations, everyone who reads my blog, you officially have a new spouse.
Here’s the catch. It’s an internet marriage. It’s not official, we’re not buying a house together, and we’re not having kids. The exception to the house and kids rules are as follows.
1. Telea is willing to rent an apartment with one specific follower of her blog, and that person already knows who she is.
2. If the house is really just a blog, and the kids are our little combined effort blog babies, I support that to a level none of you even knew existed. It’s on a whole other level how much I support that.
3. If you want to buy me a really nice house, I’m not going to object even one bit. Unless that house is A. a Modern Tech House, B. Positioned in a War zone, C. A Deathtrap, or D. Contains a rape dungeon.
4. Wait, having a rape dungeon might be kinda…morbidly cool. Scratch the Rape Dungeon bit. You just can’t USE the rape dungeon.
5. If you can absolutely guarantee that our children will be born as magical being that can shapeshift into fire-breathing dragons and lay eggs of gold, we can have children together. Be warned that if you guarantee this to me, and then the children end up, well, just kids…I will drown them/turn them into dumpster babies/put them up for adoption in Africa.
Not that I’m a bad person or anything, it’s just that…we’re not having kids.
Anyway, today I get a paycheck that totals around…four hundred dollars. A large percentage of this is going in the ‘do not touch, it’s for an apartment’ fund, while the rest is going in the ‘You fucking NEED a car, Telea’ fund.
I’ll work for a couple of hours today, and then I’ll shower up, suit up, and get my party on, just the way Odin intended, THANK ASGARD!
If I manage to get another post in this weekend, you can be damned sure that a miracle has happened, in which case I expect you to bow down to my greatness. But not really bow, just say you bowed.