Tag Archives: advice

The Bell Tower


As we make the leap over the cusp of June and into the insanity of July, I would like to rescind a statement I made in my previous posting.The last night I got drunk in the HoG was mentioned in ‘The First Stroke of Luck’, detailing a night on a day of independence in America that I got pretty wasted. Whether it was fueled by the Wild Turkey or my disdain for an entirely dependent country celebrating Independence all of these years after a now almost pointless event, my body was intent on getting trashed.

We sailed through July with very few choppy waters. A man who’s name sounded like the word ‘Sin’ took us over to the church and showed us how to get up to the bell tower, where we were told we were always welcome. It was a series of shaky ladders and bird feces-covered rails to end up in a small room with a ceiling that you pushed up to climb one last, short ladder, and emerge into the light (or dark, depending on the time of night we went) of St Paul.

The church was old and tall, and from its highest height, we could see for at least a mile on each side as we stood on semi-stable antique floor-boards and sat in an old exercise chair that was perched in the bell tower for no discernible reason at all.

The bell tower became a place for romance, mid-acid trip meditations, and a sense of peace. Diablo and I would take special guests, two at a time, to view St Paul from an angle they hadn’t yet experienced. Hands were held, breaths were caught carefully in the backs of throats, and chaste kisses were shared under the near-starless metropolitan sky.

It became a symbol of hope for lost party-goers, a sign that they had gotten off at the right light rail stop or that they hadn’t driven too far. The church itself was open all hours of the night, and became a sort of quieter refuge from the lights, sounds, and people of the sometimes too outrageous parties.

A grand piano was stationed at the back of the church, along with a drum kit and a ceiling built for acoustics. We would often spend time in the bell tower before retreating below to the relative safety of the kindest-feeling church pews I have ever rested on. For the first time in my life, and in the lives of several others, a church was a safe spot, a true refuge from all of our worries.

As a pretty liberal queer individual with a social circle that had various reasons for avoiding churches, it was a really strange, beautiful thing to have a home away from home in the sort of building that had shaped so many of our lives in a negative fashion. What was this church that offered true acceptance for all and praised those who helped people truly in need?

Insane that my first brush with real Christianity didn’t occur until I was almost twenty years old, running a punk party house in a terrible part of town. Throughout my childhood, I had been shown many times that Christianity was corrupt and demanding. My parents, Agnostic to the bone, allowed myself and all of my siblings make our own choices but, at five years old when your best friend says she can’t be friends with you because if you’re not Christian, you worship the devil, I had made up my mind.

As I grew and learned about religions and cultures from all over the world, my closed mind on the subject of Christianity ever so slowly began to melt away. Regardless, I was still stunned at the kindness and acceptance of the people at Church. With almost nothing in their pockets, they still gave everything they had. With almost no family in the area, they built a family. While I remain unaligned with any religion, I am proud to say that I became a part of that family.

The bell tower was a symbol of hope for lost people, the church a place of peace for overwhelmed souls, and the people of the church a gleaming light in a sky of black, giving faith to many people that had grown to believe that the entire religion of Christianity had become corrupt and close-minded.

Every day, more and more, I was finding myself confident and at peace with myself. I had a good place to live, good friends, a good community, and damn good parties. My life was straight out of a movie. I was the slightly overweight, slightly outdated girl that ended up a small celebrity. I was the charming underdog who pulled incredible romances from hats like a talented magician. I had everything I could have ever wanted and…

I was still not satisfied.

Boyyyy, I got a date today!


Okay, so, let’s follow the story of Telea’s brilliant life, in which everything (including all things bad) is brilliant today. I don’t care that I’m being accused of a million thousand (three) things, because this dear Telea…

Has a semi-kinda-a little bit-possibly real-informal date today!

Ahhh, feel free to stand and applaud, my dear compatriots, because this date is not only HELLA sexy, but also everything else. Ahh, I’m making little noises of joy in my throat. Now, nothing can be concrete or said for sure, but I’m just going to say…if you’re starting at point A, on a destination to point C, I would say I’m at point B. Hopefully.

OHHH, GOD, DON’T JINX IT!

I have told this story about eight (thousand) times today, so I think I’m just gonna let it rest with the fact that I might have a date, and that, if nothing else, I at least have someone to chill with after school.

Moving on, today we’re talking about things that are thingy. Yes, I know. I’m terrible it Blog-Stalling, and if I would just stop typing for five minutes to think up a topic instead of writing about not having one, none of us would have this issue.

Five great date ideas (for your demon lover).

1. Human hunting. Your demon lover will be hungry, and you will be able to help him or her out by grabbing your crossbow from the basement and saying:

“Honey, let’s go kill our neighbors.’

2. Vacation to hell. Who doesn’t want to visit their birthplace once in a while? Take your lover on a three-day tour of where he or she grew up, and end it with a romantic flesh picnic in purgatory.

3. Get him or her an undead minion. Take them on a shopping trip through their favorite cemetary and have them choose which flavor of minion they would like, and then raise them like you would raise the roof at Satan’s Bar Mitzvah.

4. Go terror by night. Scaring people in the dark is one of the things some demons like to do. Inhabit a small or large city for a week or so and torture and frighten people.

5. There is nothing a demon likes more than a road trip. Plot out a tour of all the hell-gates or openings to purgatory and just go everywhere. Your demon will be so pleased with the thought (and all the time alone with you), that they will have no choice but to turn you into a demon yourself.

Trust me, I would know.

Love ya!

We’ve only got 5 minutes to post a blog!


Yes, yes, yes, my dears, I was distracted with browsing for free stuff and I completely forgot about my obligation to you wonderfluffle people that I care about sooo much. Needless to say, this blog post may end up on the ‘short and sweet’ side, but hey, at least I’m still almost quality, yeah?

Okay, so I dressed up today. I’ve been doing the doll make-up, with eyeliner on the outer sides of my eyes and not in the inner corners. Then some bright red lipstick and my face is good to go. Specifically today, I’m wearing a very nice pair of pigtails, which I just so happen to adore. My hair is getting so much longer! It’s any exciting thing. But you didn’t come here to hear about how absolutely hot I look, so on to business!

I’ve gotten a couple of questions from a few of my friends who know me really well, and they ask me how I can maintain such a generally upbeat blog when my life sometimes sucks so much. This was almost in direct reference to the day I hurt my back and managed to make a very amusing story out of it. Basically, they are looking for inspiration as to how to stay upbeat even on your worst days.

So, that’s what my list of 5 is about today, and the official title is…

Wait for it…

5 ways to stay upbeat on absolutely shit days.

1. Sing. Of course, this only works for people who love music, and if you can’t sing well (and I mean if you sing like total shit), I suggest you sing quietly to yourself or belt it out where no one can hear you, because you don’t want other peoples’ days ruined, now do you?

2. Ignore what’s getting you down. If you’re trying to have a productive day, and your thoughts are getting in the way, just shove them away for when you get home to your gallon of chocolate chip ice cream and pillow to cry into. What? You’re lactose intolerant, you say? Well, you’re pretty much screwed on this one.

3. Change your appearance that day. If you wake up feeling like you have nothing to live for and you wish you weren’t you…adopt a new look or personality trait for the day. Though this may confuse some of your peers (and I suggest you don’t go too extreme), it may be a great way to get out of your life a little.

4. Wear your favourite comfort clothing. There’s nothing better than wearing something that makes your body go ‘OOhh, that’s good.’ Trust me, when I’m down, I slip into my XXL Wisconsin Badgers shirt and my Budweiser boxers.

5. Pretend, pretend, pretend. Just fake it. Fake fake fake. Smile pretty.

Lova ya!

It’s not okay until I say it’s okay! Okay, it’s okay.


Hey guys, here I am blogging on a Saturday, proving yet again that I have no life whatsoever, but…moving on. We are just gonna talk it out today, as we do most other days, but there will be one teensie-weensie little change…

I’ll be blogging on a freaking Saturday!

Again, mooooooving on! Today was one of those days where I woke up from my short catnap (8am-12pm) and spent half an hour laying there deciding if I actually wanted to get up or not. You know those day, when the bed is so comfy and you’re sooo tired.

Obviously, I got up. Or not so obviously, considering you didn’t know that I don’t have a laptop (or did you?). I don’t actually have inspiration today, as it’s been for a few weeks, but I love gracing you guys with the constant assurance that I am a good writer and that I love you, too.

Soo, the story for today is stickers. You may not know what I’m talking about, but you will. Ohhh-ho-ho, you will.

Last night, in a crazy frenzy, I signed up for every single Fancorps fan site that was available. You know, for some free swag. You know how mama likes her free stuff, eh? I come across these two fan pages that are sending out free 5-packs of stickers, yeah? And so I look to see if there’s a limit…and there’s not…and so I order 650 packs of 5 MTS stickers and then 700 packs of 10 Skyfox stickers. AM I FUCKING INSANE? Yes, yes I am. But relax, because I have  plan. A really good plan.

FREE STICKERS FOR EVERYONE! We’ll see how we work it out when it gets here (if it actually ships) and then I’ll let you know.

Today’s list of 5 is titled:

5 things you can do with over 5000 stickers

1. Plaster your bedroom walls. make it classy, like band stickers, you know? Except they all say the same thing…so you may just look manic-obsessive.

2. Go to a mall and give them to people. Or sell them for a penny each. You could make a few bucks.

3. Surprise sticker attack one of your friends…or a total stranger. The second one is WAYYYY funnier.

4. Make art out of them. Like…a lampshade. Or a condom.

5. Use them like tape to stick stuff up on your walls. Pretty sweet.

Okay, this was a really short blog, but you need to get over that already.

Love ya!

I am what I buy: An Iphone 3G and a Prom Dress


So, I’m a dress with awesome app. capabilities? I can take that! Dude, I’m so excited, I’ll be getting four packages in the mail, and they will have everything I need to survive!

First off, an Iphone 3G, completely unlocked, 8 gb, and what does this mean?! SKYPING AND MUSIC, BITCHES!

Then, we go all legit and earn enough points to redeem for a free 50 pack of condoms and a T-shirt!

THEN!!! A prom dress. An assumed beautiful prom dress. I think it’ll be great. SAAAAAOOO GREAT!

Okay, now that we’re done with that! Let’s move on to interesting and pure topics, such as Stem Cell Research and finding a cure for Breast Cancer.

Just kidding. Though those are both honourable trades, this is not a medical journal and should not be treated as such. So, if you need a diagnosis, I’m just gonna say, go to a doctor, because the only thing I can prescribe you is another big dose of my blog.

I don’t have a topic or anything, so I’m just winging it like a bird without wings…or something along those lines. I’m really proud, because I’m pretty sure I might possibly reach 20 posts this month, which would officially pull me out of my downward slump, which would be really great. I can’t guarantee anything, but I can say that Telea is a like a bird of paradise…she’s heaven.

That…didn’t…work.

I’m too filled with excitement and glomp to create any good metaphors, and this is a good thing, because over the past few days, I’ve actually been rather sad and depressed and sad…and depressed. It’s a long story, and I’m still feeling like the world might end (it is 2012, after all), but things clear up when you wake up one morning and treat yourself to a big dose of Christmas Spirit…right in the middle of February.

Of course, that’s a lot of money out of my pocket that I could have used on Pull Tabs or to go to College, but all of that is inconsequential anyway if my main plan in life is to sit in my parents’ basement and blog all the time. Also, I don’t plan on making any money, because this blog isn’t a money-maker, so I plan on being a poor, good-smelling hobo in my parents’ musty basement (that just so happens to flood every time there’s a drizzle).

WORKS FOR ME!

Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

Fo’Drizzle!

That was incredibly lame, and if you’re actually giggling…I salute you. Because this means that you still have an 8 year old boy or girl in you, who takes every possible chance to get out. It’s generally a really good time, yeah? Yes’m!

My list of five is…

FIVE WAYS TO STAY A CHILD FOREVER!

1. Never stop thinking the sandbox is awesome. The sandbox IS awesome, fun for all ages, and really really awesome. It’s like, so many different things, and yes, I realize that you’ve realized as you grew up that feral cats may have hidden their excrement in there, which gives you a higher risk for Toxoplasmosis…but it’s all good, because little kids don’t know that.

2. Skip. It is important to embarrass yourself on a daily basis anyway, so why not do it in a way that suggests you still have a little bit of your childish charm, yeah?

3. For runners, instead of going on the classic run, get together with other running buddies and play two-mile tag. This mixes the fun of little kids and the drive of running. It’ll make you laugh, make you push yourself harder, and generally make you have a really freaking good time.

4. Don’t be afraid of dying laughing. If someone says something that REALLY amuses you, show it. We all know that little kids have much less self-control than the average human, and you need to just let loose and go.

5. Drink an anti-growth serum that causes you to remain permanantly locked in a child’s body forever. Another one could be travel off to never-never land. You could just die a child, so technically, you would have been a child for as long as you lived.

The point is, don’t let yourself fully grow up, ever. I’m not saying to do the whole ‘I’m an angsty teen’ thing all over again, because, oh my god, I’m so sick of it, but just…have a little fun, okay?

OKAY!

Love ya!

Shorties for life! (Or just for today)


This is short. I have to go practice for my WSMA Audition, so I don’t have time to dally in study hall this morning. My list for you just so happens to be…

Five reasons why girls are total bitches.

1. Of course, you’re gonna say number one is going to have something to do with the fact that girls have to bleed OUT OF THEIR VAGINAS for 2-9 days one time a month. YOU’RE TOTALLY RIGHT! If you’re a guy and you’re looking at this screen thinking you wouldn’t be in a bad mood if your dick was spurting blood, you need to check yourself before I wreck you.

2. Girls have breasts. Before I begin, yes, I do realize that some men have breasts too, but let me explain the difference. Man boobs are made out of too much muscle or too much fat. Woman boobs are made out of a material that just so happens to HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER every time we run, jump, climb, etc. To make matters worse, on the days we bleed out of our vaginas, our boobs are so tender they can feel it when you drop a pin on the ground 15 feet away.

3.  Girls have been discriminated against for years. If that wouldn’t put you in a bad mood, I don’t know what would.  I mean, really, most historical documents don’t even say woman in them. It’s as if the women who cook, clean, bleed out their vaginas, have boobs, and BIRTH THE NEXT GENERATION never existed.

4. Girls don’t look awesome with huge muscles. How is this fair? What if I want to be the next heavyweight boxing champion? Well, that’s not gonna happen, you know why? Because I would just so happen to scare any potential mates away. Remember the girl rule? Never date someone with smaller thighs than you. Well, if my thighs just so happen to look like really muscular tanned tree trunks, I’m not gonna be in the market for anything less than a man of ‘Incredible Hulk’ proportions.

5. Women can’t play professional football. Do I really need to elaborate on this, or are you seething with rage already?

That’s it for today!

Love ya!

I’m only getting started!


I WON’T BLACK OUT!

That is my current favorite song. Jussayin’

Today is going to be one of those annoying advice blogs where I take something that I have some knowledge on (Between absolutely nothing and total pro) and give you advice like I’m a pro. Except the advice is terrible, and you should never, EVER follow it, okay?

SWEAR ON YOUR LIFE YOU WILL NEVER FOLLOW MY ADVICE!

Ohhkay, soooo, as you might have already guessed (God knows how, but you may have), we’re gonna talk about proper fapping techniques…kinda.

1. Never go too fast. It kills the moment and causes severe chafing. Also, never go too slow, it’s boring, and could cause severe chafing.

2. Never fap to a picture of your girlfriend/boyfriend/crush/date tonight/mom/dad/brother/sister/cousin/husband/wife/dog/pet of any kind/favorite actor/favorite actress/least favorite porn etc. Also, never fap to waterfalls, subway trains, gorillas, google image searched penises, someone with a disease, or your best friend. Think you’ve run out of things to fap to?

3. DO fap if…well-shot free internet porn, the idea of a little slap and tickle, the celebration of your birthday, the celebration of nightfall, the celebration of morning, the celebration of getting into bed, the celebration of getting out of bed, the celebration of waking up to pee, stubbing your toe, singing a song on pitch, singing a song off pitch, the idea of fapping to any above listed items, celebration of going to school, celebration of switching classes, celebration of having to take a poop, celebration of having taken a poop, celebration of flushing the toilet, hot girl winked at you, hot girl spit on you, hot person passed you in the hallway, hot person existed, celebration of facebook, hot people on facebook, funny people on facebook, pornographic people on facebook, laughing at the elimination of myspace, what you saw on Tumblr, what you posted on Tumblr, what you reblogged on Tumblr, your shoes are cool, your shoes are uncool, you’re on a boat, you’re in a car, you’re having sex with your significant other, you just ate a sandwich, you moved your left hand in a waving motion, you waved at someone, when someone says your name, memebase, YOUR PHONE JUST VIBRATED, you just used your phone as a vibrator, that person’s laugh sounds good on your eardrums, you liked that music, you went on youtube, every time you clicked a link, every time you pressed the like button, every time you smelled a good scent, every time you smelled a bad scent, every time you sent a text message, every time you touched something, every time you considered suicide, every time you heard about someone dying, every funeral, every wedding, every assembly, every school day, every weekend, every time you have to go into work, every time you yawn, salt on your food, eating in general, public transportation, watching a happy movie, watching a sad movie, and after you fapped.

4. Don’t let your parents or significant others walk in on you fapping. Just don’t do it. Don’t fap in the same room as your brother/sister, even if they’re sleeping.

5. Live your fap. May the Fap be with you. Happy Fapping Birthday, Happy Fapday, Supercalifappilicious expialifappious, want a fappucino with those fap fries?

Okay, I must go.

Love ya!