The Wrong Way to Advertise


Today, I was looking in on my stats. Like most other times I look at my stats, I’m both amused and saddened by the terms that bring people to my blog.

Back when I was a raunchy, satirical blogger, I would add raunchy, satirical tags to my posts. That’s how you get out there, right? Adding tags that are appropriate to the work you do?

Anyway, this became a problem quite a few months back when I stopped talking as much about ‘fapping on the moon’, ‘dicks in space’, and ‘the planet shaped like a Callipygian’, and started discussing less realistic things…such as life.

Though I lost some viewership when I switched from discussing ‘perverts in Uranus’ to ‘is this the real life?’, I realized something very important that I really hope you will take and use as a life lesson of your own.

The lesson is: The viewership that you attract when people can Google ‘Herpes Dick on Mars’ and arrive at your blog is probably not viewership that you ever wanted in the first place. Unless you’re into that kind of thing; I don’t know your life.

Another lesson to be learned is that comfort zones change with time and form of viewership. For example, I have matured enough to believe that farting on Jupiter isn’t as funny as I may have believed when I started the blog. I’ve also gained subscribers who I know personally who might judge me or look down on me for posting about how hard I laughed when I heard a farting on Jupiter joke.

Though I take the latter less seriously (I mean, friends, family, and followers, that if I did find that funny, I wouldn’t care how you judged me or looked at me because I am my own person and my interests, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings aren’t something I will allow you force me to alter because you are bored, offended, or saddened by them. Look, a run-on sentence), I do very much believe in the power of maturity.

I do love to get back to my inner child, and I’m sure my late 30’s will be a constant struggle between my career and my desperate need to relive those ‘good old teenage days’, but there are certain things that one should grow out of.

To get down to the point, I’ll be glad if, one day, I go to my stats and rather than seeing Google results for ‘Do Aliens Masturbate?’ leading to my blog, I see something along the lines of ‘The Pros and Cons of Fedoras’. Because that’s nothing but classy.

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

2 responses »

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