As I may or may not have mentioned before, I have extreme trouble sleeping during the night-time hours. It’s interesting and frustrating, seeing as how I generally wake up when plans are already made and go to sleep when people are waking up.
I guess that’s probably the reason why I’m sort of almost absolutely lacking in a social life of late, but I guess you could commend me on my stellar ability to stay out of trouble recently. I mean, there’s not too much trouble you can get up to from the confines of your room, or at least, not if you don’t want to use your imagination.
I can list on one hand the trouble I could get into (mostly because I’m lazy and I’m not in a wreaking havoc kind of mood anyhow) from the depths of my glorious Batcave.
1. Lots of Porn. BOORRRIIINNG. And also probably not the best idea in the world on a school computer with the law watching. My new Sex Offender Probation Laws (not as bad as it sounds, I’m not going to molest your children) state very clearly that I am not to indulge in such cinematography (using that term loosely). It’s okay though, considering I experimented with porn at the young age of fifteen and decided it was a fine enough lifestyle choice but not very entertaining unless watching it with a ton of college dudes.
2. Facebook Stalking/Hacking. Another one on the list of things I should most likely not do. I mean, once in a while it’s okay to scroll through your hot guy friends’ friends and make not-so-classy remarks about the ridiculously attractive women they’re friends with just to make yourself feel better…but on a regular basis, that’s creepy and you end up just degrading yourself anyway. As far as hacking, I know the password of exactly one individual, and I promised to use my powers for good.
3. Abusive Trolling. Considering the fact that I am neither a prepubescent teenager or sad over 28 year-old still living with their parents who has nothing better to do then hate on strangers or post large amounts of spam somewhere annoying, I’m not much for the trolling. The only time I partake in trolling is when I’m with friends, and that’s only to look super-pro. Disregard the fact that apparently ‘super-pro’ is relational to being a prepubescent teenager or sad over-28 year-old still living with their parents.
4. Identity Theft! I mean, not an exclamation mark there. Absolutely not, this is no fun at all. Now, disregarding those rather suspicious and awkward lines of text, seriously, I’ve never stolen an identity or lit anyone on fire (as if that has anything to do with it). I’ve heard this sort of thing happens a lot on the internet, and Snopes says I’m right, so take THAT Jefferson (aka anyone who tries to disprove me).
5. Hire an Assassin. Not that I knew that you could do it online, but if you go to the right places (clearing browser history…NOW) I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that some of these so-called ‘Google Web-Designers’ and ‘Youtube Partners’ are really just undercover agents just waiting for a client. I mean come on, how else do you think Jenna Marbles and Hannah Hart got famous? It’s definitely not because they’re hot and funny and charming and way better than me, no way.
So yeah, that’s my list of things that I could get up to from the safety of my Batcave instead of just, you know, trying to change my sleeping schedule and hanging out in the light of day with you other humans. Anyway, I should get going…I’ve caught a chill just thinking of that and I need to sleep before I hire an ‘investment banker’ to take out the law (just toodly-kiddingly-kins!)
By the way, HAPPY 300TH POST!