Call it a Slow Everything


I guess my mind has been on other things, namely the fact that my sleeping schedule has become so fucked that I can’t even tell you which way is up anymore. When I’m awake, I’m so tired that it’s actually and quite literally hard to breathe, and when I’m asleep, I’m so scared that I wake up gasping for breath.

I don’t know what’s going on, and my mission to find out hasn’t changed anything. This does greatly detract from my cheery mood, and I’m finding it hard to find humor in anything, which is probably why my blog and my Youtube Channel have fallen by the wayside as I have taken up arms against the beast that is existing inside of me.

Wow, that is the worst kind of profound; the cliche one.

Needless to say, I’m not doing well. In fact, the pain in my body and the pain in my soul have begun mixing and I believe this mixture to be volatile and dangerous. I’m another cliche teenage bomb waiting to go off. The only difference is that I’m brilliant, and I’m going to be okay.

Tonight I’ll be going to a basketball game (how drab) to see some old friends…maybe. I’d rather stay home. Or snuggle. Or go on an adventure with a close friend. Seeing as how that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me, I’m trying to abandon my freshly gained inverted ways and actually let the sun (or gym lights) hit my face for once.

The worst part is that I’m not pleased about this at all. I want to curl in a ball and sleep for 24 hours, not go socialize. But since the former isn’t going to be accomplished, why not expose myself to the angels and demons of my old high school?

SO MANY REASONS WHY NOT BUT I’M GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY.

I just feel too closed off. Something is happening to me and I don’t like it. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to see any of my friends. I don’t want to do things. I just want to hide in the dark, and that needs to stop NOW. I can’t become this person, and I refuse to let it over-take me.

Anyway, enough with the serious and disgusting blog ranting. I will be blogging tomorrow, there is no doubt. Maybe my blog is just what I need to cure some inner demons…or at least keep them in the dark for a while longer.

Question of the Day: What demons do you battle when no one is looking?

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

2 responses »

  1. Similar ones to the ones you’re describing, actually! At least in terms of the introversion. Most of the time I’d much rather go home and relax (which for me means working at home) than go out and be social. But sometimes I fight through the urge, actually go out, and usually end up enjoying myself. I think “a year from now, which will I remember?”

    Not to suggest pat answers, but could part of what you’re going through be seasonal? I really, really never want to go out after dark when it’s cold out.

    Hope you feel better soon!

    Reply

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