I guess my mind has been on other things, namely the fact that my sleeping schedule has become so fucked that I can’t even tell you which way is up anymore. When I’m awake, I’m so tired that it’s actually and quite literally hard to breathe, and when I’m asleep, I’m so scared that I wake up gasping for breath.
I don’t know what’s going on, and my mission to find out hasn’t changed anything. This does greatly detract from my cheery mood, and I’m finding it hard to find humor in anything, which is probably why my blog and my Youtube Channel have fallen by the wayside as I have taken up arms against the beast that is existing inside of me.
Wow, that is the worst kind of profound; the cliche one.
Needless to say, I’m not doing well. In fact, the pain in my body and the pain in my soul have begun mixing and I believe this mixture to be volatile and dangerous. I’m another cliche teenage bomb waiting to go off. The only difference is that I’m brilliant, and I’m going to be okay.
Tonight I’ll be going to a basketball game (how drab) to see some old friends…maybe. I’d rather stay home. Or snuggle. Or go on an adventure with a close friend. Seeing as how that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me, I’m trying to abandon my freshly gained inverted ways and actually let the sun (or gym lights) hit my face for once.
The worst part is that I’m not pleased about this at all. I want to curl in a ball and sleep for 24 hours, not go socialize. But since the former isn’t going to be accomplished, why not expose myself to the angels and demons of my old high school?
SO MANY REASONS WHY NOT BUT I’M GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY.
I just feel too closed off. Something is happening to me and I don’t like it. I don’t want to go out. I don’t want to see any of my friends. I don’t want to do things. I just want to hide in the dark, and that needs to stop NOW. I can’t become this person, and I refuse to let it over-take me.
Anyway, enough with the serious and disgusting blog ranting. I will be blogging tomorrow, there is no doubt. Maybe my blog is just what I need to cure some inner demons…or at least keep them in the dark for a while longer.
Question of the Day: What demons do you battle when no one is looking?