Ohkay, so it’s not much, but it’s home, and it’s a lot more than I could have ever expected. And sure, I didn’t get a ton of followers, and sure, my page hasn’t been viewed as much as a lot of other people’s, but it’s a passion of mine, and I’m really glad I started this.
God, I have grown so much during the time I’ve had this blog. I remember being the girl who was just kind of off-center and not knowing things about anything. I remember being the girl that was completely lost and feeling so much rage and resentment. I remember being the completely happy, peppy girl who had nothing interesting to talk about, but tried anyway.
I remember everything save for a few hazy nights of making bad decisions that I’ve chosen not to regret. I’ve come a long way, and I can only hope that I’ll continue to learn and grow in 2013. It has been a really, really hard year for me. And I know that’s what every teenager on the cusp of ‘Adulthood’ says. I know it’s not easy, but to quote a song that I don’t know the name of by a band I don’t listen to much:
Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be this hard.
And you know how when you are the person you are, you remember all of the people you were, but you can’t put into words who you are now and sometimes it’s even hard to talk about who you want to be? That’s me right now. This does happen to be my moment of reality with you guys where instead of just hinting in a comedic way that I’m lost, I’m telling you.
But it’s okay, because we all get lost sometimes and that’s part of what makes life so poetic. Or maybe I just spend way too much time on Tumblr. There’s a part of me that just wants to address every harsh word and every time I cried for something that wasn’t real. Something that I wish was real.
There’s a part of me that wants to forget that this year even happened; let it cease to exist. But the biggest part of me wants to cry one more time, and for the tears to be happy and sad and bittersweet, because guys: Life is way too short to do anything but live it. And that means crying for everything sometimes.
And god, I just sound like one of those stupid romantic books where the main character not only discovers love, but also themselves. It’s not like that. I still have no idea who I am or what I’m looking for. I know what I’m passionate about, and I know how I feel, but I start to wonder if anyone really knows who they are.
I guess we’ll get back to the topic now, though. Tonight is my breakdown. Tonight is my ‘let it all out’. Tonight is the second-to-last night of 2012, and I have to figure out all of the sad things before I spend the last day of the year the world was supposed to end rejoicing. I need to thank all of you. I know that I do it a lot, but really, really…there are so many things I wouldn’t have figured out without you.
Even if you weren’t actually there and actively supporting me…I always felt better knowing that at least one person was reading and feeling for me. Yeah, I like attention. I was happy to know that I made someone laugh, or maybe even cry. I was so relieved that the story of my life this past year and then some (no matter how warped, anti-poetic, or comedically twisted it was) was one that you wanted to know about.
So, without further ado, here is my year of 2012, the ups and the downs, the end of the world and the start of a new one. This will be my last post this year, and I really hope it’s a good ender, because the end of one story is just as meaningful as the beginning of another.
This year is ending, but I am not (hopefully). Happy New Year to all of you. May your bodies stay warm, your stomachs full, your minds thoughtful, and your hearts open. I love you.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,900 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 8 years to get that many views.