God, I really forgot how good it feels to post myself all over the internet. Like, it feels like I am trying to take serious steps to my future. After all, one of the tips I was given by Lenka, who I met when I went to her concert, was to get out there early and to get out there loud. I would say she’s pretty successful now, so taking her advice feels right to me.
Of course, I’ve been thinking of how embarrassing it will be when I’m in my twenties if I ever become famous for my vocals. Why embarrassing? Because people will be able to google search my name and find me doing a fake strip tease or freaking out over how good the Breakfast Club is.
They’ll see my ups and downs, and find my blog, and see my personal life, and that is both exciting and scary. I can just imagine serious fans finding this blog and reading every post ever, learning about me and where I’m from and what I do and how I feel. It could be a make or break in my career.
However, realizing that now gives me the edge I need to not give any fucks. After all, if people like me for my music, they should like me for my music, and I do feel as if I come off as a pretty decent person, no matter what everyone I know in real life says, wink wink.
But I suppose I have a few things to clear up, future fans.
1. I am not really a Satanist, my dear Satanists. Yes, I do own a copy of The Devil’s Dictionary, and I did celebrate a Satan-themed wedding with close friends, but that does not make me a practitioner of the craft, Just because I sacrificed goats on the full moon standing naked in a bucket of eels does not mean I wear the brand of Satan on my chest, though that would make a cool tattoo.
2. Yes, I have a dirty mind, as all teenagers do. This is my ‘fuck you, I’m a person, too’ speech. Everyone has their phases and their mistakes, and I feel like my history and background will serve as something of interest rather than something of ridicule. I’m really sorry that I showed my boob to those kids, I am, but the fact is, it happened, I made the mistake, I’m super sorry, truly, and I just want to move on. I know that people aren’t going to forget, and some won’t even forgive, but I am working at being a better person, and I hope you can respect that. I hope you can respect me.
3. Also, no, I do not actually hate any of the people who work/worked at my old high school. Yes, I do hold a certain amount of contempt for a few of them, but all high schoolers do, and I’m just going to tell you: I’m not the girl that peaked in high school. It’s kind of lucky, I suppose, that it worked out like that. I have places to go beyond this, and I apologize to every single one of the members of the staff and student body for always living in the ‘beyond this’ rather than living in the moment and taking responsibility for my actions.
4. No, I do not actually despise my parents. They raised me and I love them, regardless of what I say on my blog from time to time. Yes, it is childish and foolish and rather rash of me to write mean things about them, and I apologize profusely for any pain I may have caused them or anyone else I ever slandered on this blog. Sometimes, it’s necessary to express oneself in harsh words, even if you don’t mean them. I love you, mum and da.
5. Yes, I do care about all of you. I’m sorry if, when/if I’m famous, I turn into a douchebag. I’m going to try really hard not to. Trust me when I say to you, future fans, that I really appreciate all you have done/will do for me. These are my cliche ‘I couldn’t make it without you’ words. I’m going to try really hard to be the person you look up to when you hear my music. I’m going try really hard to not disappoint you, and I’m sorry if I do.
6. No, I don’t have an image of what ‘perfect beauty’ is. I myself, right now, in this time, am 5 foot 8 and 200 pounds, which, according to America, is overweight. I love my body. I can do wonderful things with this body, such as move, sing, dance, skip, play, eat, and sometimes sleep. I think you’re beautiful whether you’re five foot three and one hundred pounds or five foot eleven and three twenty, or anything in between or above. As long as you can live comfortably and healthily and you make a valid effort to take care of your body, I respect you and your body. It’s that simple.
Now that that’s out of the way, I would like to tell you all that the Love Letter Initiative is running along cutely. I have actually gotten messages from people who would adore being Pen Pals with me, which is almost cuter than just one love letter. I will have a Pen Pal from California, Georgia, and Turkey by the end of the week, and hope that more people want to climb onto that bandwagon.
Tonight, I’m heading off to a Steampunk Dinner and then coming home to Kresha, who will be making loads of food with me and we will be eating it all, regardless of how sick we feel when we’re done. We’re just that cool.
I hope you lovelies all have a fantastic weekend! I plan on posting at least one more video this weekend, and hopefully one of me singing ‘House of the Rising Sun’, fingers crossed.
Question of the day: If you could write one letter to one person saying anything, what would that letter be?