Wow. You guys. I can’t…Last night, after posting my blog, I was bombarded by the most likes I have ever received on a blog post. I also gained four new followers, so welcome to the occult. I mean, cute, funny, Teenage Blog. No Satanist rituals here…ahem. Cough.
At first I was stunned, and then I was flattered, and then I was literally bouncing up and down and crying with delight, my ripe body smells wafting through the room and making the monsters under my bed gag and die. But then it hit me (not my smells, though those, too), and I realized just how silly I have been about all of this. There are probably two reasons you liked my post last night, and neither of them have anything to do with me being a good writer.
Reason number one is that you realized that you smell better than Telea. After a long night of trolling the internet and losing all hope in your life, you stumbled upon this blog and thought: Well, this looks like a right laugh. After reading two sentences, you were no longer amused, but morbidly curious and mildly disgusted. You could do nothing but read on, where you discovered – to your absolute jubilation – that you smell better than a mini internet-celebrity. Huzzah! You proceeded to like this post and go on your way, sleeping soundly for the first time since Neil Patrick Harris came out of the closet.
Reason number two is that you really enjoy reading things that involve people eluding to nudity and masturbation, and when you stumbled upon my blog, it was like a Glory Hallelujah of almost pornographic words. In this case, I have realized that I need to seriously re-evaluate my life and set my priorities, or at least make this blog 18+.
Now, there is a very small chance that you liked my blog post and decided to click the ‘Like’ or ‘I Want You’ button because you think I’m witty and hilarious. If this is the case – though the probability of this being so is similar to the probability of there being an Elephant farm within ten miles of my house – then I don’t know whether to feel less alone in this world or to fear for my life.
Quite frankly, the latter is what is occurring to me more right now, as I’ve just realized that my fear of looking in mirrors is directly related to the idea that there could possibly be more than one Telea in the world, and not so much that Bloody Mary will rip me to shreds.
Anyway, whatever the case, I’m happy that you stumbled across my little domain, and I hope you stay for a while. At least long enough to be sacrificed to the God of Good Blogging, okay? No really, I need his help; prepare to be skinned alive. Ahem, I mean, at least long enough for me to have 100 followers and lots of loving fans and feel good about my life?
No, no, there’s no coming back from that. Anyway, I am off to write another chapter in my book and then throw myself out a window for being so daft. Thank you again for all your support.