Good Morrow, my darling Starshines. Speaking of Starshine, the Stars were GORGEOUS last night here in Wisconsin, and so was the company I was keeping. For last night was a splediforous overnight with Lover, and much music was made and many shooting stars were seen.
What I’d actually like to talk about today is Insomnia and how it affects people. No, this isn’t going into a long rant about the Medicality (New word) of the ‘disease’, as some people call it. What I want to talk about is actually the perks of having it. I look around and I don’t see too many people who see their insomnia as a good thing, and I can relate. I know that on most occasions, I have felt as if my Insomnia was a curse.
But the thing is, how can I cope with something when I’m constantly fighting against it in the worst of ways? You can’t cure yourself by fighting yourself and the disease. You cure yourself by accepting the disease and working with it to become a happier and healthier person. When you accept the lot you’ve been given, you can start positively working towards a different lot to have.
After all, it would be silly to just buy a new house when the old one you lived in was just fine and you were just scared. Moving to a different home to fight the evil would not, in fact, do anything. There has to be positive reason for moving. Maybe you accepted the evil (whatever it was), and are cutting ties to it in order to move on.
Anyway, this is my acceptance blog. My: ‘Yes, I have a condition’ blog. My: ‘Fuck, of course things hurt‘ blog. So let’s do this.
The sweetness of Insomnia in a list of five.
1. If you fall asleep when the sun sets, you never see the stars. I love the stars. No, no, I mean I would probably have sex with a star if it weren’t for the fact that a star is, indeed, a burning ball of fire that has probably already been extinguished by the time the light reaches my eyes. That’s the sad thing; to look up and see the beauty of so many things that have already passed on. But I don’t think about it like that. I rejoice in the impact they’ve had on millions of people. I guess it’s cliche to aspire to that.
2. When I sleep, I dream, and no other time. I’ve heard people say things similar to this before, and it confuses me greatly. Laying in bed, not sleeping, my mind imagines a million colorful pinwheels of light and magic. It wanders into the murky depths of sadness, and gets caught dancing across clouds. Yes, dreaming is magnificent, and I do happen to miss it quite terribly, but I still see and feel so many things dreaming with my eyes open.
3. Save for the things that go bump in the night, all is still, peaceful, and quiet? Well, although that’s glorious (and slightly disturbing) imagery, it’s not quite true. Would you call crickets and coyotes and Owls things that go bump in the night? Do you ever stare up at the sky and hear a moon-song? Are you ever compelled to howl at the moon and run swiftly and quietly through fields and woodlands? There is so much more to night than anyone thinks. It’s the time when beautiful creatures come out to play. Sometimes, you’ll see a lone wolf, howling to the sky and listening for the cries of its brethren. Sometimes, illuminated by the stars, you’ll hear the light flapping wings of a Luna Moth. The only things that go bump in the night are our fears.
4. I dreamed a dream of time gone by…Who wants to dream of time gone by? It sounds pleasant, but serves as a sore reminder that we only live one life, and that time is passing too quickly. A beautiful thing about Insomnia (when you are dealing with it correctly) is that you get so many more hours out of life than most people. You see more, you feel more, you possibly eat more. I cannot express to you how much it hurts but how good it feels to see the things I’ve seen, to do the things I’ve done. There’s the pain of lying awake, missing someone, but then there’s the beauty of dancing in the sudden downpour of 3 am rain.
5. And all the people wore black, and they were dancing, and their golden hair was illuminated in the silver moonlight. The people. Great Asgard, the people of the night. A lot of people have met them; streetwalkers, musicians, drug addicts, insomniacs, prostitutes, protesters, whatever. A lot of people have shrunk in fear from the people who’s eyes just seem darker and brighter than everyone else’s at the same time. The raw excitement that you feel walking with them, the connection that’s there. It doesn’t matter if they don’t know who you are or you don’t know where they come from. The beauty is the companionship of the night. And yeah, I know, rapists and all that jazz, but remember that not all people are bad people, and sometimes, the true light of someone will show through when the sun isn’t shining in their face.
Anyway, it’s just my opinion, and you can feel free to contradict me if you’d like. Now, I will go off and spend some time with the day-walkers, because it’s true, there’s a brightness to both types of people, and I want as much light in my life as possible.