Letters From Her, Love From Him, and Posts for You (An Almost Romance)


Oh fair internet, I have missed thee whilst I’ve been gone away…for less than 24 hours, I do believe. However, it has felt so incredibly long because of all the things I’ve done since then! Yes, dear followers, I have words to share with you, and only you, because you are the special few.

First of all, I got a letter in the mail yesterday and couldn’t stop crying spasmodically. It was from my dear friend, Alice (Over at HandBasketOnMyHead), and it was a love letter. Not the ‘Oh my god, I love you so much, sleep with me if you value your life’ kind. Not the ‘This is me, I love myself, yeah, fuck everyone else’ kind. Not even the ‘Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou ROMEO?’ kind. This was simple and beautiful and I have no more words to describe it so I’ll just go:

dgshgshigfsohigf’h[gfifgh’spaighs’ghpaskighklshglFUCK.

Enclosed in that envelope was a poem and a letter, along with the money to turn this website into a dotcom. As in…mylifeinheartbeats.com. As in, everything we talked about. The change will be taking place on the day of my 1-year blogniversary, October 10th, 2012.

Which brings me to my question. If I posted an address where you guys could send me real, legitimate mail, and then have a guaranteed penpal until I got HELLA famous…would you guys actually send me real, legitimate mail? Because I kinda adore getting and sending mail, first of all, and second of all, that’s true love, hubbies and wifeys!

Now we talk about the ‘Love From Him’ part. This is kind of a tender subject. It’s kind of like how everything in my life goes. Well, not really, but let me explain. 

Almost every time I totally dig a guy, he doesn’t like me back. Oh, and it’s not because I’m not awesome, because I am. Or that I’m unattractive, because I’m really not. It’s kinda more like…I’m not exactly the kind of person anyone can see being with in any more of a friendzone or one-time I could maybe do you way. I kind of blame this on myself, because I have always been that girl who didn’t really go for dudes.

I just kinda act like one of the dudes, constantly. We don’t need to go into this story though, because it’s the cliche ‘I’m a total Tomboy and that’s why dudes don’t like me’ kinda thing. 

However, there is an exception to this law. The exception goes as follows:

If Telea stops holding emotional or physical interest in a person, it stands to reason that the person in question now has full rights to want Telea desperately, and do what they can to get her.

This isn’t always true, it just has been for a while. So when we discuss love from him, we’re discussing every single dude that turned down Telea until it was too late. 

TL;DR? 

You’ve just found out that Telea’s whole life is an Almost Romance.

Posts for you. The best part. On this occasion, when I say ‘Posts for You’, I really mean posts for Lexi, because it’s Thursday and time for a list of five. Ready? GO!

Five Things You Don’t Do On A Wednesday Night Before Work

1. Go on a crazy adventure to a devil town. What I mean by devil town is really…ghost town. Or town of evil. Basically, this town that I went to is on my top five list of places I don’t like setting foot in (In Wisconsin). It’s a town that looks okay and sounds okay, but feels…not okay. You should make it a point to only go there in the daylight so that the bears and rapists can’t get you.

2. Listen to music that makes you want to get mad and start throwing shit. Because really, you’re in a fucking ghost town. Late at night. If you’re Telea, it’s probable that your only protection is a really scrawny stoner boy who is just barely taller than you and lacks muscle content of any kind. If you get mad and start throwing shit, you’ll wake the foxxing devil himself and you will get your ass killed. Or almost killed. 

3. Attract the attention of the cops by letting out loud wolf-whistles and then disappearing into darkness. No really, you shouldn’t do it. I didn’t get caught or chased or any of that jazz, but I’m pretty sure every cop within a five mile radius put down his doughnuts and picked up his gun. Or just started his car.

4. Go to 4+ stranger’s houses for mysterious reasons that might or might not have to do with cocaine and burying a stripper’s body. I mean, it was tending towards the ‘might not’ column in this case, but the point still stays the same: Stranger’s houses, at 2am on a Wednesday? Not good juju, especially if you have a court order. You kinda wanna be in your house at that time if you’re in as deep of quicksand as I am.

5. Lose your ride and your ride’s cell phone by not paying attention to the random dude who was sitting in the back seat. Apparently, upset and love-struck people who have just been cheated on are not to be trusted with car keys and cell phones that don’t happen to belong to them. It might just happen that while you’re starting up a movie, they decide to drive away with said car and cell phone, and leave you and your ride home stranded. Thanks, random dude, I love you and your life issues dearly.

Okay, so that’s a wrap.

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

4 responses »

  1. I would possibly send you mail though we live only a bit apart. So, I’d rather just see you. hahaha. Thanks for the list of 5! I’m so glad. (:

    Reply

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