Last night, I dreamed about a lot of things. We’ll exclude the story about getting naked with a talking polar bear, because that’s a little too graphic for anyone’s tastes, but we’ll move right along to some dreams that seemed really meaningful to me.
Like ‘A Ticket Out of Here’. That’s what I’m titling this dream I had last night. I was sitting by a fountain, and I made a wish and threw a penny and all that wishing nonsense that people do when they want to waste money on pointless dreams. Anyway, as soon as the penny hit the water, someone walked up to me, and she offered me a plane ticket that would take me anywhere in the world. She also handed me a pile of paperwork. She said that if I accepted the plane ticket, I could settle down and live wherever I wanted at no expense to me. The catch was that I could never come back, and that I would have to lose touch with everyone I knew.
The crazy part was that just for a second, I almost said yes, because imagine someone offering you a fresh start, a completely clean slate. But then I remember how I’m actually starting to become okay with things here. Oh, and I know some pretty amazing people that I couldn’t imagine losing. What about you guys, would you do it? Would you give up everything for something new?
I also dreamed about this boy that I didn’t know. He was a little older than me, and his face kept shifting and changing. It always felt like I recognized him, but I could never place exactly who he was. He took my hand, and then he kissed me on the neck. I remember him whispering words into my ear, but all I remember him saying is:
Remember to dance.
Which was weird, because I generally don’t dance all that much. He handed me a letter addressed to no one, and then I woke up just as his lips brushed against my forehead; I’m pretty sure he was saying goodbye.
God, I’m cheesy today. The total angst I have been feeling these past couple of days is absolutely overwhelming in every way. I hurt, and I’m joyful, and I hurt, and I’m so full of love I can barely breathe, and I hurt, really bad.
I just want to go back to Saturday, because I can’t remember being that happy for a long time. It’s going to be a while before an opportunity to feel that good shows itself again, but I’ll be ready.
Maybe someone will walk out of the crowd and offer me a ticket out of here, or I’ll walk down to the mailbox today and find a letter from no one, sitting on top of a stack of bills that I can’t pay.
Maybe I’ll use the ticket, or maybe I’ll throw it away. I could open the letter or I could send it on, to someone who needs a letter addressed to no one just a little bit more than I do.
Is a ticket to anywhere transferable? Is there a letter to no one out there addressed to me?
Okay, enough of that, I’m gonna go and get some angsting done.