Shit. Shit shit shit shit piss. I am so sorry. I thought I was gonna turn this into a productive month, but every time I considered posting a blog, I was all like ehhhhhh, and then it didn’t happen. I feel like a heaping pile of dirty prostitute vaginas, and I am hoping you trust me when I say that this is not a good feeling.
I do have some updates for my beautiful blogging world! First of all, I am doomed to unhappiness. No, just kidding, that’s not one of them. The thing I want to say is more along the lines of: I am now in a rather open relationship with a rather beautiful girl, and it makes me smile. She and I have always acted like we were together, always held hands, stole a few kisses in public, made out in bathrooms on some occasions, so we decided to put a mini label on it for just a tad bit of officiality.
It’s something, at least. I do care for her a lot, and it’s nice to have someone, but at the same time, it’s not the kind of commitment I was quite looking for. Open is a word that I generally would not put next to the word ‘relationship’. But it’s okay, and I have more news from the dark abyss that is my lack of Blogging. I went to my friend Kim’s house a few days ago. She and her almost boyfriend picked me up, and I spent over four hours cleaning their filthy abyss of a kitchen. Yes, I realize that I’m digging the word ‘abyss’ today. Deal with it.
Anyhow, I walked into the kitchen for the first time, and my first instinct was to demolish it with a home. Yeah, it was that bad. Now, I hate cleaning, but I have this thing about other people’s kitchens, and it goes a little something like…
Keep your foxxing kitchen clean, or I will end you. I do not need to walk into a room that’s supposed to smell like bacon and happiness and instead catch a huge whiff of death, fruit flies (literally huffed up my nose), and rotten Gerber baby formula.
That is not why I consider to be a functional environment in the least. So, at midnight, I began my painful journey. At 4:30 in the morning, I was finally finished with the dishes and counterparts, and I then moved on to the mop bucket that was still half full of dirty, slimy, septic mop water from back in the middle Ages when these people last cleaned their kitchen. After bleaching the entire unit eight to twelve times, it was finally time for it to be used to the floor…which required another large amount of bleach. Needless to say, by the time I finished, that kitchen SPARKLED.
I then proceeded to make everyone pancakes with sausage patties, cranberry juice, and fresh coffee. God, I’m a good person. We headed out very early that morning (yes, an all-nighters was pulled) to go to the Mall of America, where we spent endless hours wasting away in one of the biggest pits of evil materialism that exists anywhere near to here. I’m mostly positive that a piece of me died in there. I bought a book, and that book was a very enjoyable read, thank you for asking.
I then got back into my little town soon enough to go to a football game, where (holy shit) our team actually won…and by a very large margin. I saw some people, shared some stories, and experienced a wee bit of heartbreak when I saw someone who I would have considered a huge part of my life last year, and now ignores me because his girlfriend has decided I’m a threat. Yeah, because I would date one of my bros. Get the fox real, guys.
Anywhoooo, on Saturday, I spent a couple hours with my friend, Cordel, and that was fun, and then Abby (spoken about in the blog titled ‘Help, My Girlfriend is a Stripper!) came over with her baby Erica and hung out for a bit. After they left, my family and I went to a pizza party for a couple of the new exchange students so that we could meet thwm and get to know them better. That was really fun as well.
And now we’re caught up with my life, in a rather long blog post that probably bored you half to death because fuck my Irish dog Skip and call me a potato monkey, I have temporarily lost my blogging mojo. Anyway, I must now adjourn to my life. I’ll catch you guys tomorrow…pinky swear.