There is no way to describe the way I feel about today. It has been beyond dreadful. But I’m not going to tell you what happened, because frankly, that just upsets me too much, and also, that would take up four or five blog posts, not just one.
However, picture this with me for a second.
You’re standing in the middle of a room filled to the brim with every single person you love or hold dear. Everyone is laughing and talking and having a good time. Life is perfect and absolute and happy.
Now, put reality there. First of all, if a room is filled to the brim with people, the obvious guess is that there will be no air, you’d struggle to get out, and everyone would be cramped. Realize that some of the people you love hate other people in the room. Understand that some of the people in the room, though you care deeply about them, couldn’t give one fuck about you or your feelings.
Also realize that when people overheat, they get cranky, and lethargic. Remember that half the people in the room had somewhere else to be, and the other half only kinda wanted to show up in the first place. We will no longer use words like perfect, or absolute or happy, unless we compose a sentence that states…
It is perfectly clear that absolutely no one in this room is happy in the least.
In which case, you, who has imagined this entire situation into creation, are to blame. You are the one all of the angry, sweaty, breathless people turn on, and trust me, when the air is so thick you could swim in it, and the heat is so bad you could roast, there is no such thing as optimism or forgiveness.
Next time you suggest that this should happen, or even that you would like to spend time one on one with any of the members who were trapped in that room, you will, without a doubt, be bailed on.
This is all one big metaphor for the general idea that all of my friends and family members have either disappeared when I need them, have moved away (well, obviously not their fault), or are so angry at me that if they wouldn’t get in trouble for shooting me in the knee with an arrow, they most certainly would.
To conclude, I am hiding in my room with all the lights off, on the edge of tears, because I am truly and undoubtedly unhappy.
One bright side is that my dearest Lexi texted me today, and we are again talking about getting an apartment, which would make my life right now. Of course, there’s waiting until January, but it’s something to look forward to, is it not?
I must now get on with sulking and thinking selfishly that my life is worse even than the lives of hungry, deformed African children.