These past few days have been rather horrid. I, running on little to no sleep, have been trying my hardest to cope with even the simplest of things in my life.
Yesterday morning, I woke up, found out that all of my gym shorts were dirty, started crying, and went back to bed. My coping mechanisms are all off, and everything is just harsh and brutal.
No, it isn’t my time of the month. I didn’t just find out I had a terminal illness. I didn’t lose all my money to a pyramid scheme. My hair isn’t falling out, my dog didn’t die, and my parents aren’t getting divorced.
Nor did I get attacked by a wild boar in the wilderness while searching for a lost city with my pet monkey and my fearless sidekick, Marcel.
Other things did happen, though, and I feel the shittiest I’ve felt since at least the last time I felt this shitty. My father has been in a constant rage since the day I turned eighteen. He has been lecturing me, yelling at me, and having random angry outbursts.
My mother has not been defending me, herself, or anyone else. I know, this kind of thing happens, I’m lucky I’m not on the streets, yadda yadda yadda. I know that, and I am not saying that my problems are worse than anyone else’s.
But the things he yells at me for…they just make me feel absolutely shitty.
His first line of attack: You don’t do as much around here as your mother and I do, and thus you are a lazy bitch who deserves no respect.
He doesn’t mention these same things to my brother, who spends every day at home sucking up our energy bill and playing League of Legends. My brother is a college graduate…he should be assuming some responsibility if he’s at home. He doesn’t help pay bills, he just eats all of our food and runs up the bills. Yet no one talks to him about it.
Furthermore, I do all of the jobs delegated to me daily. I don’t understand how this computes to: You’re lazy and deserve nothing.
The second attack goes a little something like: We’re not going to drive you anywhere if you don’t do shit for us.
Thanks dad, but the last time I asked you guys to drive me somewhere, school was still in session. Yet today, when I asked if we could leave half an hour early to stop to see my friend who is moving next week (which is on the way to where we’re going), he blew up and said you would be lucky to even come with us tonight.
I even offered gas money.
I don’t even know why he attacks me like this, but he wants me to move out, and furthermore does not support the idea of me virtual schooling. Ssoooo, I might have to drop out of high school the year before I graduate. Thanks dad, I so wanted to be just like you.
I must go now, I’ll blog again tomorrow.