The True Definition of an Early Morning Blog Post

I am awake, I am alive, I am watching Dinotopia. My butthole is very sick, and my stomach seems to be going with it. I feel awful. It’s a very interesting experience that I would not care to repeat any time soon.

I trust you to not tell people, dear internet, that my ass burns like I just injected Ghost Pepper juice into with a very large, very sharp needle. Of course, having shared this with the entire world, I can only hope that no one I know is reading this.

Winky face. Troll face. Double troll face. Triple troll hating on weird ‘notecard’ Youtubers face. If you know what I’m talking about, you might be stifling a giggle-snort right now.

Moving on. Today, I barely ate anything. I was so hungry, but every time I saw food, my stomach attacked me like a rabid bullfrog.

I did consume a whole jar of pickles, and drank about a gallon of water. I don’t quite feel as beautiful as most Telea’s my age generally do.

I have to wake up early tomorrow. Bright and early. For a job. Because I love delivering the monthly newspaper. I really need the money, but I’m feeling as if…if I move…bad things are going to happen, and they are going to happen hard.

We shall see, Watson. We shall see.

I’m going to go…do something…involving a bathroom, some crying, and a lot of toilet paper. Please forgive me, and remember that girls don’t poop.

Love ya!

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