Dropping Pounds like Plates on Your Ass, Bitch


Woah. Okay, so, like most girls who are self-conscious about their bodies and think they could afford to lose a couple of pounds, I weigh myself on a weekly basis. Generally, even with slight dietary modifications, I stay around 198.6. Yes, I am telling you my true weight right now, and not so that you can judge me or say something like:

“Oh man, Telea is kind of a lard ass.”

No, so that you can understand that I’m an honest pumpkin who is comfortable enough with herself and her body to share those cute little details like numbers. Before I tell you the news, I think that you should know that I think it’s totally ridiculous to judge if you like someone based on their body type. The reason I like losing weight is because it makes things easier. Things like running from rapists, slipping through small spaces while escaping from vampires, snuggling up with an ogre on a very small loveseat, or even wrestling with a child fairy, become easier and far less dangerous for me or them when I am just a wee bit small.

Trust me, I’m not obsessed. I don’t watch what I eat, though I stay away from red meats, I don’t have a workout schedule, and I don’t train with Giles eight hours a day to be ready for some demon killing. I simply weigh myself every week and make adjustments if I go over 200. That”s my goal. Stay under 200 pounds until I’m at least 40.

Yes, I know, I’ll have to work harder later to maintain this goal, but for now…screw it, I love pie.

So, the news is that somehow, just eating less and healthier (more fruit, more water, some proteins, less carbs) without even thinking about it, I lost 14 pounds since last week.

I know, that should be unhealthy and I shouldn’t be kind of proud about it. I look in the mirror and I don’t see the difference, but we checked the scale and it was balanced and everything. 184.6, children, just by paying attention to my bodily needs.

Go me, I suppose. Now, if this crappy ankle would stop being crappy, and this weather would knock it off, I would actually be able to start getting awesome.

By the way, my fever broke this morning, and I am (hopefully) on the road to recovery.

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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