Okay, so we did Prom…quite obviously. Now, I have a few things to say. First, my mother did not get my dress fixed up in time, so I went to prom wearing my signature ripped black leggings and a very nice plaid button-up. Needless to say, I was my regular sexy self, except with beautifully curled bright red hair, some legit falsies, and a wonderful followup make-up job done by the lovely Carolin. I looked hella sexy, and my hot Prom date agreed, so it was all good. We found it totally alright to dress down, so that’s what we did. Meanwhile, everyone else dressed up and looked lovely.
On Friday, I won the 2012 UWBC Poetry Slam. No, sir, I do not live in Rice Lake, and it was quite the drive to get there, so no, sir…you can’t stalk the shit out of me. This is the third year I’ve place in the top three and first year that I became the official winner of it. Then, we went and drove to Stillwater (also a long drive) to pick up the infamous Antonio to spend the weekend and attend his first ever Prom. What an adventure, eh?
I was very nauseous, and this is where the story gets fun, because.
Later that night, I projectile vomited like a (hot) beast. I wasn’t like, horribly sick. It was just one of those things where you ate something bad and thus needed to get it the hell out of you. You should have seen it, though. It was a fountain of chocolate-colored watery spew that arched gently from my slightly upturned mouth and outwards into the waiting Porcelain God. If you imagined the Trevy Fountain being murky like a badly-dug home pond, and then put it in relation to me spewing vomit vigorously, you would have a perfect picture of a total five minutes of my Friday night.
I felt so much better after this incident that I proceeded to brush my teeth and go party with the others, like I hadn’t just turned my last meal inside out and flushed it down to the murky depths of ‘I’ll be your drinking water in twelve years’.
We had a sleepover on the ground (very appropriately, damn kids), and then woke up early the next morning for a trip to Eau Claire (far away, assholes, stop guessing). We got our hair done by Kresha’s gay uncle, and our makeup done by German Carolin, and then we went out to eat, because Olive Garden was going to be packed if we had gone later. We had an orgasmic meal (that I didn’t throw up, thank Satan unholy), and then went to the mall.
At the mall, we trolled, got some cool shit, then left. There was this pair of earrings that would have gone perfect with my non-dress, but they were 14 dollars, and I no longer take the risk of shoplifting, so they stayed right where they were (curse Satan unholy). It was too early to head to Prom, so we chilled at Kresha’s, did our makeup, and then went for some sodas and combos. It was all innocent and fun. Then, Prom came around.
We danced like crazy (though no one else did), and I got the DJ to play Stacy’s Mom…he even gave me a shout-out, because I said it was my theme song. Yes, one of my children is going to be named Stacy, and yes, I am going to be the MILFiest MILF that you ever did see.
We then had half an hour between Prom and Post-Prom, so we procured baby carrots from my mother, and headed off to the park to just enjoy the night air and eat baby carrots. It was a slightly crisp, very elegant night, and we had a good time.
Matthew, Kresha, and Carolin all got sick though, so we drove them back to Kresha’s and headed to Post Prom. Which blew. I mean, winning a three-month membership to the BACC and 125 bucks didn’t blow. Most of the food didn’t blow…everything else blew.
I do give them props for trying…but after I quit Post Prom Committee…there was really no use at all. I would like to give a shout-out to the members of the Post-Prom committee who worked so hard to make it happen, and were not rewarded in the least. I would also like to diss on the members of the Committee who saw it as their responsibility to make all the decisions without asking the people who actually gave a shit. This is all just a ‘Kim, I fucking love you and they should have listened and also given you a large amount of money’ shout out.
After Post Prom, Antonio and I headed back to my place, where we proceeded to head to the horse barn, not touch, not make out, and not engage in any risky behavior. Wow, what a night (heavy sarcasm). I still enjoyed snuggling up with him and sleeping for a few hours, but still…quite the disappointment.
Okay, I’mma head out, but now you know what my life was all about this weekend.