What. A. Fucking. Great. Weekend.


Oh my god. If this weekend had gotten any better, I would have strapped a rocket to my ass and flown to the moon. Basically, I am typing at a very slow speed, so the chances that you’ll get a full blog post today are little to none. However, I am a very awesome person, so I will attempt to make your lives happier and more fulfilled by telling you how happy and fulfilled I am.

Let’s start with Saturday, since I don’t remember Friday at all. Like, legitimately, I have no recollection of Friday except for two words that may or may not but most certainly do describe one of the reasons I was so happy. I won. I won. I won. Yes. Okay, moving on to Saturday.

I went to the District Competition in Menomonie for Forensics and made it to state with the scores: 18 (A ‘What the fuck, you’re a total bitch’ Score), 23, and 25 (An ‘Oh my god, I’m fucking awesome at everything’  Score). This is where you tell me how amazing and fantastic I am, and then we all snuggle. Mmmmm snuggles.

Then, I went to a Bonfire, and met a fantastic man by the name of Ryan, who, though incredibly shy and a little hard to get talking, was pretty damn cute, and is now my facebook friend. May we meet again, cute Ryan from Hudson.

Sunday was the day that I was supposed to hang out with Lexi, but, due to her mother being a total cuntwagon, this did not happen. I salvaged my ruined day by texting everyone I knew to come chill at my local Park. Two people were there with me for 3 hours. Then, another one showed up. Then, we called one of my favorite people ever, and we made him come, and it was really great. He brought fantastic gifts to share with all who wished to, and we ended up standing around a fire, smiling to ourselves, and telling each other stories that we don’t remember anymore.

I then proceeded to go home and cook a three-course dinner for five…and eat it all myself.

Best weekend ever. Well, not ever, but I was pretty damn pleased with the end result. Now, I’m sitting in school again and wondering

Why, oh why, must I be exposed to this torture?

I am still in a fantastic mood.

Our list of five today is a list of five reasons I would make a really good Hobo.

1. Reason number one is that I’m really good at foraging. Foraging for firewood, or berries, or matches, or water, I’m just good at it. I’m like a fucking bear, except I don’t hibernate and I apparently eat bear (delicious!). So, while we only brought five pieces of wood to the park, I kept the fire going for eight straight hours. This is either an attest to how fucking delusional I am or the fact that due to being an honorary boy scout for nigh on 10 years, I can make a fucking great fire.

2. I will salvage still-working materials from the ground, dumpsters, and back alley-ways. This weekend, I salvaged a kite and some Colgate Wisps. After a couple of odd glances in my direction, one person stated that I would make a perfect hobo. I then told much hobo lore.

3. I know much hobo lore. I’m like the gypsy fortune-teller of hobo lore. I’m really great. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m great.

4. I’m good on my own. When I’m by myself in a park or an alleyway or anywhere, I don’t get scared and I don’t get lonely. Of course, there’s always people around, and it’s always a really good time, so it’s great. I’m using the word great a lot because I’m buzzed from this weekend, and I say great, except without a T. Like…Grea’. I know you just whispered that word to yourself to see how it sounded.

5. I have many friends. Chris said that he would bake me a pie every day if I lived in the park. I would never go hungry again. Have I ever gone hungry? Hobos go hungry a lot. Damn, fuck, now I’m hungry.

In conclusion, I’m not funny today, and also, also, also, Some time this summer, I’m going to spend a whole weekend at that park. Take that, you hobolicious pieces of ass.

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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