But tonight, Shady’s Rock-A-Bye-Baby


Listening to Curtain Call (The hits) is like a flash-back to the past. I would listen to Eminem all the time, and he’s still amazing. So, I probably have about one hundred Eminem songs on my Itunes, and I’m listening to them straight through today, since I really need to be kicked back to the old days.

Back to the old days when all I was worried about was whether my poop really would turn different colors if I drank a bottle of food coloring (yes, yes it does). My heart goes out to my past, and a lot of things when I was a kind were really great. I mean, I had my hard times, and trust me when I say that these hard times may have been harder to handle than some other people’s childhoods. I love how you wish you could go back to the past and you never can. Nostalgia, anyone?

We’re talking about flirting today. Yeah, since I certainly know how to flirt, and I have the best advice in the entire world…that’s why I’m talking about this with you. I obviously have wisdom on every topic because I’ve watched movies about shit and I listen to a wide variety of music.

Haha, no, I don’t happen to be a loser, and I have flirted quite a bit in my good old days…so, our list of five is…

Five ways to flirt.

1. The classic pick-up line. Usually used in bars or other drunken areas. This is usually a pretty hardcore flirt, since the general idea of a pick-up line is to get the person you’re reciting it to home to your bed. Mostly, men use pick-up lines, but chicks can have that swag as well. I have serious cute pick-up line swag.

“Hi, my name is Telea, but you can call me later.”

Yeah, pretty damn cute. I bet you just swooned a little in you chair and wished that I would say that right to your face while handing you a note with my number on it. Now, you can go crude and classy…

“Hey, let’s play a little game I like to play Titanic, when I say Iceburg, you go down.”

or

“The word of the day is legs, let’s go back to your place and spread the word.”

Or you can go super risky and get straight to the point.

“Nice shoes, let’s fuck.”

2. Have your friend introduce you. It’s generally one of those things where you’re at a party that your best friend threw, and you see someone across the room that you can totally see being with. First, you ask the nearest person you know if they know who it is. If not, go straight to the host of the party and inquire as to his/her name and sexual orientation. Then, if what you hear appeals to you, ask to be introduced. It’s also rather straightforward, as the friend will automatically think to themselves:

“Dude, you totally dig him/her.”

The simple point is, straightforward can be really good.

3. The text/facebook message. In two years, there’s a possibility that a facebook message will be a booty call, in fact, it’s on its way now that no one uses Myspace anymore. But really, unless you’ve been flirting in person with a person for a really long time, and then you talk on facebook or text, they probably want to hit that. Hey, maybe they want to hit that anyway. Just remember that when you’re not face-to-face with someone, you’ll probably be a lot bolder than when you have to hear their voice or look into their eyes…so, iust…be careful.

4. The nerd-flirt. This is probably the cutest one ever, if you can pull it off. It does happen to take two consenting individuals. Lock eyes, from across the room, look away shyly. Later, you will get introduced by one of your friends who just feels incredibly sorry for you that you can’t talk to him/her on your own. When you guys finally get talking, it’s made up of either mostly giggling nervously or attempting to talk about a common topic, like the weather. Nevertheless, if nerd flirting is really going down, you’ll end up cutely holding hands at the end of the night.

 5. Just go up to them and get to know them. Use body language to show you like them. This one is my favorite. No tricks, no games, just simple chemistry. It either works or it doesn’t. Perfect, simple, and beautiful.

That’s all, folks.

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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