You may be surprised when you hear that this is a question that I happen to ask myself on a fairly regular basis. My old friend Cole, who I haven’t seen since May Day, used to say…
Go climb in a hole and stay there.
He liked this phrase because you could replace ‘climb’ and ‘stay’ and ‘hole’ with different words to make the sentence better or worse. For example…
Go crawl in an ass and die there.
See what I did there? Yes, so, thank you, Cole, you were an amazing friend and a witty man, but your distance tore our friendship to shreds.
Also, I am one of those people who either makes obscure references or takes a joke too far. In order to keep my raucous and amazing but sometimes confusing comedian down, I ask myself that one question.
Should I make a joke no one will get or just go die in a hole?
As you can probably tell by the fact that I am currently in a state of aliveness…I always choose the former. So, you may ask why this question is even necessary.
One day, my friends, I will be about to make about the worst joke anyone can make (possibly on national television), and I will stop myself for a second and think the words that will save my face and land me six feet under. Hey, apparently, in this world, it’s more important to go out loved than to die old and happy and absolutely disrespected.
Remember that next time you’re about to make a decision that could cause millions of people to hate you. Just Saying.
Our list of five is…interesting today.
Five terms I don’t suggest you use when making a joke.
1. Horny Midgets. I mean, I don’t even know where you would be going with a joke like that, but I’m just telling you right now, it is not and never will be a good idea unless yoir idea of a good time is offending a large amount of small people.
2. Santa’s Dick. Mostly because you should have been much more creative (i.e Santa’s Candy Cane, Santa’s North Pole), but partially because you might scare the children.
3. Chuck Norris. Partially because though he is badass in his fighting skills, he is a little bit of a terrible person, and partially because it’s way overused. Did anyone think maybe, just maybe…we need some new humor? Try watching Better Off Ted, you can get some new material there.
4. Yo’ Mama. I mean, come on, it’s the lowest rung of throwing humor. It’s a safety net, a baby bottle. Do you wanna be suckling from the rubber tit of ‘I’m not funny in any way’ for the rest of your natural-born life? It’s time to grow up, my dear friends.
5. Your Dick Looks Like…Okay, really? I mean, really. These jokes are even used on women, which, I’ll admit, for a time made them funnier, but at this point, I think dick jokes are for serious situations and they are not jokes. Like, really, it’s similar to when you try telling a chick she’s loose. It’s not generally okay, alright?
That’s all I’ve got for you, but I am pleased to announce that this is…my very first post using my Blackberry Playbook…which isn’t super great.