OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! I’VE GOT THIS MAGICAL FEEEEELLLIIINNNGGGG! I’m gonna dieeee today.
NOT the real lyrics…but only slightly deviated. Children, I feel tired. I feel satisfied, and ridiculously accomplished, but very, VERY tired.
I once again woke up mega-early (like 6) and got in the shower. Then, AGAIN I got a terrible nosebleed. Just awful. My nose literally didn’t stop bleeding for the entirety of my shower, which happened to last almost 45 minutes today, due to the fact that I have been neglecting shaving my legs. Sooo, now I feel all gross and light-headed, and also confused and dizzy. Why is my nose bleeding in copious amounts? What did I do to deserve this bloody wrath?
Moving on, today was a decent day. Other than my nosebleed, the fact that the Iphone I got in the mail is a pile, and I’m slowly (or really quickly, actually) losing my voice…
I am now processing Iphone firmware to re-unlock the shit job that was done. Oh, and I don’t get ANY apps. Call it a send-back, because I got screwed. SO, here I am complaining instead of making beautiful comedy (unless, of course, you find my pain, disappointment, wrath, bad luck, and anger funny…which a lot of people do).
Our comedy for the day…is…a list of five weird things I do when I’m really angry or sad…
1. I scrunch up my face and then ram it into my couch. The scrunching is so that I’ll get wrinkles sooner, and the couch is just an excuse not to hit my face on something much harder and more painful…like a wall of broken diamonds.
2. I hide under my bed with my Gameboy and go back to the good old days when my only worry was beating Super Mario. Oh come, on, you’re not feeling that Mario vibe? Fine, then let’s Pokemon Silver the shit out of the old days.
3. I scream lyrics to the sky. Actually, this is less uncommon. This is like, something tons of people do. But the difference is…I find it most relieving when I’m in my skivvies running through a thunderstorm. Didn’t see that coming, didja?
4. I sit in my big old maple tree and talk to it…yes, like it’s a real person. I even pretend it offers me wisdom. One time, I tried sleeping in it. I, of course, fell out, but in my dreams, the great maple told me it was okay. Hey, I’m not wacky, that was when I was like, 10…but yes, I still talk to my tree.
5. I marathon one band’s music for hours. Literally, hours. I don’t give up on it. I will go until my ears bleed, and I will go even if their music sucks balls (i.e. Muse). If it’s who I’ve picked, it’s who I’m going with. Though, my general choices are Flogging Molly or Blink 182.
Update: I’m sending this POS back to it’s owner and getting an Ipod touch. Yes, that’s right, I did just give up. What of it?