I am what I buy: An Iphone 3G and a Prom Dress


So, I’m a dress with awesome app. capabilities? I can take that! Dude, I’m so excited, I’ll be getting four packages in the mail, and they will have everything I need to survive!

First off, an Iphone 3G, completely unlocked, 8 gb, and what does this mean?! SKYPING AND MUSIC, BITCHES!

Then, we go all legit and earn enough points to redeem for a free 50 pack of condoms and a T-shirt!

THEN!!! A prom dress. An assumed beautiful prom dress. I think it’ll be great. SAAAAAOOO GREAT!

Okay, now that we’re done with that! Let’s move on to interesting and pure topics, such as Stem Cell Research and finding a cure for Breast Cancer.

Just kidding. Though those are both honourable trades, this is not a medical journal and should not be treated as such. So, if you need a diagnosis, I’m just gonna say, go to a doctor, because the only thing I can prescribe you is another big dose of my blog.

I don’t have a topic or anything, so I’m just winging it like a bird without wings…or something along those lines. I’m really proud, because I’m pretty sure I might possibly reach 20 posts this month, which would officially pull me out of my downward slump, which would be really great. I can’t guarantee anything, but I can say that Telea is a like a bird of paradise…she’s heaven.

That…didn’t…work.

I’m too filled with excitement and glomp to create any good metaphors, and this is a good thing, because over the past few days, I’ve actually been rather sad and depressed and sad…and depressed. It’s a long story, and I’m still feeling like the world might end (it is 2012, after all), but things clear up when you wake up one morning and treat yourself to a big dose of Christmas Spirit…right in the middle of February.

Of course, that’s a lot of money out of my pocket that I could have used on Pull Tabs or to go to College, but all of that is inconsequential anyway if my main plan in life is to sit in my parents’ basement and blog all the time. Also, I don’t plan on making any money, because this blog isn’t a money-maker, so I plan on being a poor, good-smelling hobo in my parents’ musty basement (that just so happens to flood every time there’s a drizzle).

WORKS FOR ME!

Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

Fo’Drizzle!

That was incredibly lame, and if you’re actually giggling…I salute you. Because this means that you still have an 8 year old boy or girl in you, who takes every possible chance to get out. It’s generally a really good time, yeah? Yes’m!

My list of five is…

FIVE WAYS TO STAY A CHILD FOREVER!

1. Never stop thinking the sandbox is awesome. The sandbox IS awesome, fun for all ages, and really really awesome. It’s like, so many different things, and yes, I realize that you’ve realized as you grew up that feral cats may have hidden their excrement in there, which gives you a higher risk for Toxoplasmosis…but it’s all good, because little kids don’t know that.

2. Skip. It is important to embarrass yourself on a daily basis anyway, so why not do it in a way that suggests you still have a little bit of your childish charm, yeah?

3. For runners, instead of going on the classic run, get together with other running buddies and play two-mile tag. This mixes the fun of little kids and the drive of running. It’ll make you laugh, make you push yourself harder, and generally make you have a really freaking good time.

4. Don’t be afraid of dying laughing. If someone says something that REALLY amuses you, show it. We all know that little kids have much less self-control than the average human, and you need to just let loose and go.

5. Drink an anti-growth serum that causes you to remain permanantly locked in a child’s body forever. Another one could be travel off to never-never land. You could just die a child, so technically, you would have been a child for as long as you lived.

The point is, don’t let yourself fully grow up, ever. I’m not saying to do the whole ‘I’m an angsty teen’ thing all over again, because, oh my god, I’m so sick of it, but just…have a little fun, okay?

OKAY!

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

6 responses »

  1. I’m slowly getting addicted to skype.

    Reply

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