Let’s get a little bit Tantric!

I’m a promoter of awesome, a doer of good, a preventer of HIV/AIDS. Okay, let’s have a little chat about safe sex, because I feel as if it’s only right to inform you that the world isn’t all about boobs and butts and dicks and air planes, there’s something more. Condoms.

Don’t be silly, wrap your willy.

Cover your joker before you poke her!

Sex is fun when you’re using ONE!

YES, I AM PROMOTING! Let’s talk about a new (kinda?) like of ONE Condoms, titled Tantric Pleasures! I’m doing this because guess what?

I want to have a condom mural on my bedroom door (and a hundred chances for safe sex), and by completing orders, I can have free condoms. TRUE STORY!

Okay, so my plea is for you guys to get more involved! Get your community aware of One Condoms! Get your local stores to stock Tantric Pleasures! Get the word our there, son! It’s gonna be soooo great!

If you wish to learn more about ONE Condoms, visit this webpage!


Join now, and become ONE!

Haha, okay, moving on. I think this theme happens to have to be about safe sex, but let’s get one or two little pieces of news in here, to satisfy your urges for the real and not-so-great!

A DC Man’s joking license plates have gotten him SERIOUS fines. His plates, laughingly titled ‘NO TAGS’ bring in hundreds of tickets that total over 20,000 dollars. He states that every few months, he has to go get all of these tickets cleared. Why is this going on? When someone gets a ticket for not having proper tags on their vehicle, their charges are put in the computer as ‘no tags’, which eventually gets re-routed back to the guy who so cunningly labelled his car with the same logo. I don’t really feel much need to make this funnier than this already is, so I have a really important question.

Does that mean the people get away without a ticket? Is he like, their cover man? I think everyone is starting to like this guy.

Watch your wheat products! Many wheat products that are sold at stores contain the ingredient L-cysteine, a non-essential Amino Acid. Why are we worried? Well, it may or may not be the fact that L-Cysteine is made out of dissolved duck feathers and human hair (generally from China). So, you want to avoid that? Well, this will also make you healthier! Try eating unprocessed grains. I know, gross, right? Not really, not as gross as committing yourself to Cannibalism.

Okay list of five!

Five things to say to your significant other to delay having sex.

1. Girl: I’m on my period. Guy: Doesn’t matter, let’s have sex.

2. Girl: I got raped, so I’m a little touchy. Guy: Doesn’t matter, let’s have sex.

3. Girl: I don’t wanna get pregnant. Guy: If you get pregnant, I’m SO not helping you out, but…let’s still have sex.

4. Girl: Can I just blow you instead? Guy: Orrr…we could have sex.

5. Girl: I’m a lesbian. Guy: So get your girlfriend and let’s have SEX!


Love ya!


About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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