I have nothing for you…yet!

I would like to congratulate all of you that read my blog. Your life is becoming truly enriched by my on-screen presence, and I feel as if you’re learning things you never would have known. You can thank me when I hit one-hundred posts, and I can thank you (and you can thank me again) TRULY when I hit 100 followers. Why?

I’m thinking that when my blog hits 100+ followers, there should be a little gift for them, like, a prize. Except, not for everyone, because I’m not loaded. It would just be a contest, or a door prize or something. Of course, this is also in the name of advertising, I mean, if I order some coffee mugs and keychains to give you, well, they’ll say My Life In Heartbeats, and possibly even have a witty quote or a URL. Now, mark you, I’m still far off of that goal. I currently have, what…30 followers? Less? Also, for this to happen, I need you to show some devotion. Show me that you want it. Tell me what I’m doing right (or wrong). We all need love, guys. I just need a lot of it, haha.

On to more pressing news.

A California man was discriminated against when he applied for a job at Starbucks. The man was born with half of one of his arms missing, and he states that the company showed blatant discrimination and disrespect for him. He is suing the company for, among many other things, wrongful discrimination and punitive damages. Starbucks replies: You can’t sue us, you only have one and a half arms. We look forward to disarming (no pun intended) your lawsuit.

Kellogg’s cereal company is buying out Pringles. They hope to expand their horizon’s the way they did with ‘Cheezits’ and ‘Special K Cracker Chips’. The company is paying 2.7 billion dollars for this investment and looks forward to a long run with Pringles. Yeah, maybe they can make Pringles cereal, in Pizza, Dill, and original flavour. This should be exciting! The main question being asked is: who is going to be the mascot for Pringles? Will they keep it the same or does Tony the Tiger have another job to support his crack addiction?

Iran’s nuclear scientists are being assassinated, reports ABC News. Fingers pointed to the US when a top Nuclear Scientist was killed by a bomb. Hilary Clinton replies: It wasn’t us, blame the Israeli’s. Fingers are now being pointed towards uprising members of the Israeli culture, because women are always right and we’re all racist.

A hellish fire swept through a prison in Honduras, killing over 300 inmates. Many are missing and presumed dead. The spokesperson for the Comayagua Fire department, Josue Garia, described the event as ‘horrific’. He states that ‘over one hundred inmates were burned to death or suffocated in their cells’. When asked if there had been anything that could have been done, he replied: We couldn’t get them out because we didn’t have the keys and couldn’t find the guard who had them. Of course you couldn’t find the guard, son, he was probably either dead or running from the fire at that point. Police are speculating as to what caused the fire, and can only come up with a possible short circuit or a riot of inmates. Yes, because the inmates wanted to burn to death. Where’s that guard again?

A preschooler got her packed lunch taken from her when a State Worker inspected it and decided it wasn’t nutritious enough. She was then supplemented with the school lunch that day, which just so happened to be chicken nuggets. Makes sense, right? Not if you look at what was in the lunch box. Reports say that the lunch box contained a turkey and cheese sandwich, a banana, an apple juice, and some potato chips. That sounds like a great lunch, very nutritious. The mother of the child was told of the issue and forced to pay the 1.25 for the school lunch, though her daughter only at three chicken nuggets, I’m reporting on this because I feel it is morally wrong to say that school chicken nuggets are good for you.

Let me explain.

This is your precious chicken nuggets before they’re cooked. The process involved mechanically separating chicken and then soaking it in ammonia to get rid of all of the bacteria. Then, it’s flavoured and dyed to look more appealing. Yes, because for me, chicken nuggets that start out looking like strawberry ice cream are appealing.

Quick list of five before I depart.

Five things you don’t say to hopeless romantics on Valentine’s Day.

1. No one loves you.

2. That candy will make you fat, and then you won’t be loved.

3. Valentine’s day is a corporate consumer holiday that forces the responsibility of love onto the men of the world.

4. Did you really pay that much for a stuffed animal?

5. You suck, everyone hates you, go die in a hole.

Kbbbbbaaaiii, love ya!


About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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