Raping. Rape. Rapists. Rapers. This blog has nothing to do with any of those terrible things.


Haiii guys! Today will be a short post considering I used most of my study hall time working on my baller forensics piece, which is coming together quite nicely if I do say so myself. Here’s a little snippet of my life up to date for you, since apparently, you do love reading about the troubles of a total strangers. Yeahhhh?

Okay, so yesterday I did Play Auditions, and that was totally cool because I’m aiming to be the evil fairy godmother person thing and I really hope I got the part, but I can’t guarantee anything, which scares me, because I am the goddess of guarantee. Or something like that. My back still hurts, my front now hurts, and I am totally freaking out about our first forensics meet because I’m totally not ready. Except I’m a total baller and my definition of not ready is ‘I don’t know if I’ll be one of the really good people who gets a medal’. Yeahh, I’m kind of one of those super-competitive types that needs more if she gets a lot.

That’s an excerpt from my life, and now onto the business of the day, which just so happens to have nothing to do with my blog title. I hope you’ve noticed by now that I post blog titles that I hope will pull people in, make them say: ‘Ooohh, that sounds like a party and a half, a blast in a glass!’.

Our list of five is totally legit today, because I have no idea what our list of five should be about. THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK!

I still have nothing, so let’s do a list of the five embarrassing things I sometimes do when I’m nervous.

1. I go to the bathroom. A lot. Yeah, it’s like my pee is nervous too. I can almost hear it screaming:

“Shit shit shit, get me out of this fucking body NOW!”

My bladder concurs, so there I go rushing off to the little girls’ room every 3 1/2 minutes.

2. My mouth goes dry or I over-salivate. It’s like, if I really need saliva, there is none, and so when I go up to talk or to sing, it sounds like I’ve been smoking for five years and I have a big chunk of phlegm/bile coating my throat and mouth. When I over-salivate, like for trying to ask someone out face-to-face or just trying to get through a normal day with a big ending, it’s like the Trevi Fountain decided to make a new home in my mouth. Just make a wish and throw the penny in. Try not to hit my pearly whites.

3. I get naked. No, I’m not lying. Well, kinda. If I’m nervous before a date or something, I’ll sit on my bed after a shower and just stare at all the clothing that could be on my body at that point but somehow…isn’t.

This is embarrassing because when my date gets to the house to pick me up, I’ve only just got my bra on, and then I have to slam the door shut and hope he didn’t see anything too forward.

4. I shake. Like, when I go up to perform a song, you can bet your sweet ass that my vibrato is NOT supposed to be there. This has worked to my advantage at many points, but if you hadn’t been paying such good attention to my voice and my face, you would have seen my knees knocking together like two baby saplings in a spring storm.

5. I talk. Like, babble. I get over-excited. I FREAK THE FUCK OUT! People tell me to calm down, but I can’t fucking calm down!

Okay, well, that finishes this…Sorry, I’m not that funny today.

Love ya!

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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