Look, it’s a dickfore! “What the HELL is a dickfore?” Ahahahaha!


Ohh, you say you don’t know what a penis does? Well, that’s awkward. Speaking of awkward, we’re going to spend a WHOLE paragraph actually talking about my life today.

“Why would you subject me to that, Telea?”

Because I can. But before I do, I would like to state that though you may think that I’m constantly putting words in your mouth by pretending to quote you…this is just…so true. I don’t really want to hear what you have to say, because the chances that it will be at least ten times worse than the words I pretend you said are…significantly high.

Let’s talk about my life. It’s a busy season for me. With Forensics competitions coming up (next weekend) and my piece now only half written, I’m gonna say that it’s kind of ridiculous that I’m writing on my blog during my Study Hall instead of actually accomplishing something important. This is kind of how my life goes. Whims before work, any day, any time. So, basically I spent close to three hours working on my piece last night (and by that I mean half-heartedly browsing the internet for a topic whilst facebooking and Skyping with one of my besties) and all I had after the first two hours was a topic.

“Telea, you’re fucking ridiculous and you need to learn how to concentrate on things that are actually important.”

Yes, yes, I know, way to bring me down. You’re bringing me down lower than if I had grown an extra chromosome. Pssstt, that was a really terrible joke about Down’s Syndrome, in case you didn’t know…

Soo, that’s awkward.

Our topic of the day is…5 different kinds of bubbles.

1. Regular bubbles. You know, the ones little kids get to blow at weddings or that got blown out of a bubble machine during a parade. I FUCKING LOVE BUBBLES! They’re so freaking cool, and I wish on all my heart that I could just blow bubbles out of my juggular at any and all times I felt fit.

2. Colored bubbles. Now, though this sounds like a ridiculously good idea (ie. LOOK MOM, IT’S A RAINBOW IN THE SKY!), I can guarantee you, there’s some issues. Like the fact that every damn time I go try to blow my Crayola Green Bubbles, they stain. My skin, my clothes…my facial region. The bright side: If you drink the bubbles, you get a green mouth. The dark side: If you just so happen to be blowing bubbles at Prom and they land on your friend’s expensive WHITE prom dress.

3. BUBBLE TEA! Ohh goddd, I love this stuff. Basically, it’s a really sweet tea that’s served cold with ice. You may ask…

‘Where do the bubbles come in?”

Well, I’ll tell you where! In the bottom of the drink, there are large, black (sometimes rainbow) sweetened tapioca pearls. It’s so damn good. Also, they give you this HUGE straw that you can suck the bubbles up with! It’s so exciting!

4. Pregnancy bubbles. You know…like a baby belly. What, you never called it that before? Oh, and it’s because then people will make ugly references about ‘Popping the Pregnancy Bubble’? Ohhh, soo…awkward…

5. Space bubbles. Some people have em, some people don’t. For me, it depends on the person. Also, if I’m not sure, I like to ask myself a few questions (queue the list inside of a list).

  • Have they showered recently?
  • Do they have something in their teeth/does their breath smell bad?
  • Are they coming at me with a knife/other dangerous sharp objects?
  • Are they coming at me with a bat/other dangerous blunt objects?
  • Are they maniacally laughing when nothing is funny?
  • Are they cussing loudly as they walk my way?
  • Are they ridiculously tall (Like 20 feet) or ridiculously short (Like 6 inches)?
  • Do they hate me?
  • Do they love me too much?
  • Are they really, really, really, ugly?
  • Do they have an kind of visible disease?
  • Are they sick?
  • Are they naked (still okay in some circumstances)

Once I have reviewed this list and everything is alright…they may come within 0.5 inches of me. That’s prettttyyy damn close.

Well, I’m outta here!

Love ya!

Advertisements

About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: