My life be like…”Honestly, you need to knock it OFF!”


Okay, so I am just stumped, and this is NOT a good thing in any respect. I need to blog, need you guys to love me, and all I happen to have is some corny old pick-up lines, a cold ass, a bruised ego, and a couple of really really pestery sores by my mouth (Thank god it’s NOT Herpes).

Speaking of Herpes, I’ve decided to share some really gross information with you. It seriously disturbs my life, and I’m really really glad that I don’t have eyeball sex with people, because THIS is what happens.

Herp-derp, I would NOT like to be this sad homosapien's significant other.

 
Mooooving right along, considering that no one REALLY wants to look at eye-herpes. LET’S LOOK AT DICK HERPES INSTEAD!
 
“No, Sally, I was joking, I really don’t want to look at explicit photographs depicting diseases of the penile extension.”
 
Let’s actually spend a brief moment discussing how sad it is when ridiculously attractive men/women have herpes.
 
What, you don’t think they do?
 
Uhh well, they do. EVERYBODY can get herpes, so you need to knock of the idea that perfect people can’t have diseases. WE’RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF YOU!
 
I mean…hem hemm…
 
So, I figure if I don’t try at all…you guys will still love me, because the truth of the matter is…if I’m funny, you love me, no matter if my blog post of the day was only five words long. No, but honestly, I wouldn’t do that to you, because that’s just rude. I mean, who takes all the time to go through CIPA-Filter, log in, click on ‘Posts’, click on ‘Add New’, think of a title, and then just slap five words on there?
 
ASSHATS, THAT’S WHO!
 
So, today’s list is a list of five fivetoten-word sentences/blog titles that I would use if I was actually going to be that cruel.
 
1. Were you aware that I pooped today?
 
2. What am I made of? Spunk and Vaginal Eggs.
 
3. Honestly, you need to knock it OFF!
 
4. I’m not wearing any underwear (A True Story)
 
5. Party in my pants! GET THE FUCK OUT!
 
 
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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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