Dont’cha wish your girlfriend was Telea? That’s me!


Here I am, sitting at my local high school, behind a table, selling bracelets.


Because I’m fucking awesome, that’s why!

Okay, so I’m hanging stag, which, in case you didn’t know, means all alone. To top it all off, I really needta pee.

It’s okay, because I’m rockingvout to Dubstep and I have sold three bracelets so far. It’s a pretty dang legit deal.

There’s a basketball double-header going down and I do not get to watch it based on the fact that I am selling bracelets.

Topic, topic, topic…

Oh yeah, today I’m blogging on the reasons why I would make about the best girlfriend ever, butvpeople do not wish to date me or my pretty face.

I am just a fantastic dancer! Except I’m not really, I can just do a cartwheel into the splits and that is all. Oh wait, I can pelvic thrust like a champ!

I know the dewey decimal system INTIMATELY! …I have no snarky followup to this. That’s a fact, I’m a library nerd.

You want me!

I have great hair. Well, it’s thick and shiny, but for real, I can do nothing with it. I take my straightener to it some days screaming:

“Die, bitch, DIE!”

True story.

I sing well. But I do it ALL the time. Legitly, between talking and singing, I NEVER shut up. Okay, so that is an overstatement.

I’m never afraid to be myself. That one is up in the air for good or bad. I mean, it’s got its perks, but it REALLY scares some people away.

I’m not a reliable blogger. Ooohhh that’s one. Blogging guys DO NOT like blogger girls who are unreliable. It kinda says something about the whole fucking relationship, doesn’t it.

Well, you got a rrrreeeealllyyyy long post and hated it, so shut up and figure out what the hell you really want from me.

I have a short story of my life to share in childrens form.

This is a fish.

Her name is Telea.

She’s gonna get flushed down the toilet.

All fishes go to heaven.

Except Telea.

She just goes in the septic tank.

The end.

The moral is that Telea’s afterlife will be shit. Why? Because the bible says I’m a sinner. Okay kids?

P.S, I’m not really a fish.

So, in conclusion, I’m a loud, independent, curious, talented, strong fish girl. Ohhhhh. THAT’S why boys don’t like me.

Feel the BURN!

SORRY. That is all you get for a blog today.

“Roses are red, violets are blue, take your pants off.”



About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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