Very late at night…a phone call? No, Kyle just likes to bullshit!


Okitays, so I haven’t posted in…a while. I forgive you.

It’s Monday, and I’m still sick as a dog, but I managed to get my sorry ass out of bed and on to school even though this is the last facking four days before Thanksgiving break starts. I have tons and tons of make-up homework to do, and not much time to do it in.

Cool story?

I sat around for the last week watching meaningless television and fucking off. Mostly because I have liquid in my lungs and I am a sad sight. People kinda turned their heads and stared today when I came to school because I colored my hair brown and I’m wearing HEAVY HEAVY makeup to hide the fact that my eyes look wonky as shit because I’m still sick and hopped up on multiple drugs to stop the symptoms of this Strep flu.

I’m not funny today, I get it.

Sooo, Kyle is sitting next to me, which is weird because we don’t especially get along that well, and he told me that I was a horrible person that obviously did drugs and had sex and he thinks that I’m ten seconds away from birthing octuplets. He says that he never said any of that, but Kristen agrees that he did, and since Kristen is really cool (but has no friends), her word is law on the matters that I want them to be law on.

Moving on, I have like, 15 minutes left to work on this, and Kristen and Kyle are being annoying and I really want to bitch-slap the holy fick out of my computer because the space bar is a whore and you’re a whore, as I said before.

“My life is so depressing, I wake up, and everyone is gone.”

That’s because there was no one there in the first place, Kristen, you’re a psychopath.

HEY, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE ISN’T FUNNY, GUYS!

“I don’t think that rope is long enough!”

Okay, I think I messed up that statement in some way.

Let’s move on before things get Harry. I mean hairy. Now I’ve made a joke about Harry so that Kyle doesn’t have to. KRISTEN! IF YOU DON’T STOP GIGGLING RIGHT NOW, I’MMA TAKE YOUR FIRST-BORN CHILD AND NAME IT RALPH!

Do you want your first-born child to be named Ralph?

“Not today.”

Finishing up, we need a picture and a quote to set the scene for my classic Monday.

‘Do you want me to hit you?”

“YOU’RE NOT FUNNY ANYMORE, KRISTEN!”
“By definition, gay is smart. I see plenty of macho heterosexual idiots, but nine times out of 10 you can have a great conversation if you find a gay guy.”

– Jason Bateman

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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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