FOLLOW ME HOME, BITCH!


No really, I need some damn snuggles here, fool! Come home with me, and snuggle me, and hold me, and love me. Except not in a creepy way, just like…yummmm, if you’re hot, find me. I need me some lovin’ *HEMHEMMATTHEWPHILLIPLAMERE!!!*

Urhhmm, that was awkward. Kresha is sitting right next to me, and she’s kind of in love with my friend Matthew, and he’s so cute, and I just wanna eat him up, and he was my super-cute homecoming date and NONE OF THIS APPLIES TO THE FACT THAT WE WERE TOLD THAT PURPLE GRAPES WERE SHAPED EXACTLY LIKE FUCKING TESTICLES!!!

See, they're little purple testicles. It makes you look angrily on those people who peel the skin off of grapes before they eat them, doesn't it?

Oh, god, that caption was just GRUESOME!
 
IT’S HUMOR DAY!
 
I’m going to direct you to a very popular website for your own personal giggles. I used to go here every day last year before I started a blog and got ridiculously awesome, eh?
 
 
Okay, honestly, it’s kinda gross, and a lot of times it’s not funny at all. Come on, now, guys, it does make me laugh a lot.
 
Another website for your pleasure is…
 
CLEVERBOT!
 
 
 Roawwr, dinosaurs used to roam the earth and then the sexy cowgirls ATE THEM! It’s not a cool story, it’s just sad, and that’s why I’m moving in with Lindsey, even though she killed all the dinosaurs and ate them for supper. Gotta freaking love dino-eaters.
 
I make a lot of Lindsey references because she’s one of the beautiful people that reads my blog…
 
EVERY FREAKING DAY!
 
Guyssss, remember to send your awesome posts blah blah blah tooo
 
 
also, if you have a blog on wordpress that you want me to read and you think that it may just be worth my time, then send that and I will read it and just maybe feature it on my blog. Maybe. Prolly not, because if it’s better than mine, you’ll stop reading mine and go look at yours.
 
So, I’m really sad today, which is why my blog isn’t actually that funny today. Sorries, I think I might cut this short before I depress everyone in this room. Or…webpage…
 
“Happiness is a warm gun.”
 
– The Beatles
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About mylifeinheartbeats

Telea is an aspiring Musician who spends too much time aspiring to be a Writer who thinks she's a Comedian. There's not much more to know, except for everything. Telea has a tendency to not think before she speaks or acts. She enjoys chocolate, long walks on the beach, and talking about herself in the third person. She wants to get to know you, so please send her your Name, Address, and SSN. Telea promises that, though she has indeed committed one count of Lewd and Lascivious behavior (to be tried under a court of law), she is a good person and will not intentionally harm you/expose herself to you/hate you for your stupid perspectives/axe-murder you. Telea believes in the greater good, Nutella, peace, free love for all, and snuggles. She chooses Bacon over you, unless you come bearing bacon. She is a fat woman trapped inside a curvy woman's body. She is not for sale unless the price tag you put on her has something to do with world peace. She will sell herself for world peace. She hopes in the deepest of her heart places that you will enjoy her blog and find reason to follow it. Telea thanks you.

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